Transparent
by silverbug28
Summary: An unlucky liminal man (OC) gets reassigned to the Kurusu household. Why is he unlucky, you may ask? Well, that is because his main 'job' is to ensure no hanky-panky occurs. With the government on his back and lewd monster girls standing in his way can our unfortunate newcomer successfully protect the chastity of the generic harem protagonist that is Kimihito Kurusu?
1. Eyes Without a Face

Japan. A beautiful country. Where the age of antiquity can meet that of modernity. The birthplace of samurai. A nation founded on principles of honor and chivalry. The perfect place for an extraordinary gentleman to call his home.

"What is this fucking shit?" But also a place where not so gentlemanly types reside. Such is the case of this man in a music shop located in downtown Asaka.

At a glance he appears to be nothing more than a bum. An oversized hoodie covers his form. Sweatpants cover his legs, and his feet are covered in a laughable combination of socks and Jesus sandals of all things. A scarf is tightly wrapped around his neck. Leather gloves cover his hands. Each piece of clothing is a different color. An outfit that speaks volumes about his fashion sense.

He's overdressed for the mild weather outdoors. Though that's not even the oddest thing about him. His face is completely covered by gauze wrap. As if he had just recently had plastic surgery performed on him. Even his mouth and nose is tightly wrapped. There's a similarity between him and the stereotypical Halloween costume of a mummy, created by wrapping oneself in toilet paper. The hood of his jacket is raised and shrouds his head and overall face. The man's eyes are masked behind a pair of dark aviator sunglasses. If it weren't for the gauze, his combination of a hoodie with sunglasses might look akin to the outfit the Unabomber wore.

Basically he was a _highly_ suspicious character.

Said suspicious character was holding a CD case, and staring at the sole employee of the music store. A girl who appeared to be in her early twenties, and who was obviously uncomfortable being addressed by the man in front of her. She nervously chuckled at the crude manner the man spoke.

"Ah, that's ANM48's newest record. It's number one in sales." The man stared at her in silence for a long uncomfortable period of time. This lasted so long the girl felt it was appropriate to break the silence herself. "Um… sir? Will you be buying that?" Again she offered a timid chuckle. Even though she couldn't see the man's eyes, it still felt like he was boring into her soul with them.

The man released a deep exhale of air before he replied. "I can tell you it wasn't because of me that this shit made it to number one." His abrasive personality threw the cashier off a bit. She could only awkwardly smile at him, a perplexed expression plastered on her face. "Excuse me?"

The man continued with what could only be described as a rant. "Seriously. I wouldn't buy the human version of this bland pop trash. Why would I buy the exact same thing made by monsters?" "Sir, um… could you watch your language… uh… please?" Another long stretch of silence was granted to the girl for this comment. Unfortunately for her, the man in front of her was her only customer. Meaning she couldn't find a good excuse to get away from him.

"My language? So I can curse, but I can't say 'monster'?" This time the silence was from the girl's side, as she quickly tried to come up with a good response to that. "Uh… it'd be better if you said 'liminal'?" Her tone of voice made the comment a question.

Which caused the man to mockingly tilt his head to the side as if he was puzzled. "Why? It's basically all the same." The girl started timidly replying. Her words came out with a harsh stutter to them. She was flustered by the man's presence and his manner of speech. "Well… it's just that… it doesn't sound that nice to say… y'know… monster?"

The man snorted rather rudely. Then he sighed. "Are you sure you don't have any of the older stuff here? Jazz, or the Blues, hell I'd settle for Classical at this point." The girl just nodded her head in the negative to his question. Which caused the man to grunt in a displeased fashion. "Not even Opera?" Again she shook her head 'no'. "Damn."

He dropped the CD he had been holding onto the counter, and briskly walked out of the store without so much as a 'goodbye'. Let alone a 'thanks'. The man continued to walk down the street, hands in his pockets, for quite some time. He didn't seem to have a clear goal in his walk, and he ignored the curious gazes he got from random bystanders. The man just seemed to walk for the sake of it. As if it allowed him to process his own thoughts.

What finally stopped him was the grumbling of his own stomach. After muttering a quick curse he started actively searching for somewhere with food. It didn't take long for him to make his way to the market section of town. Here is where the man truly had to display his 'unique' characteristics. Perhaps 'display' isn't the correct term. The man sneaked into an empty alleyway and started undressing.

He disliked doing so in public, but the action was completely rather quickly. Mainly because he was experienced in doing such a thing. The reason for this is not because the man was a nudist. No, this was because when he undressed he truly 'showed' who he was. Perhaps that does sound like a nudist, however it is much simpler than that.

This man was invisible. As in, he was completely transparent. Upon undressing he disappeared. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'the clothes make the man'. This was the reason the man would overdress. If he didn't, you couldn't see him. Imagine as to what would be stranger. A headless man, or one wrapped in bandages.

The man carefully folded up his clothing and placed them atop a tin garbage can. Then he stepped out of the alley, and made his way into the market. Being invisible he was capable of pushing his way past people with impunity. He could be as rude as he pleased without any punishment.

However, his main reason for undressing was in the financial 'opportunities' it granted him. While fully dressed, the random passerby would see him as a bum. This was largely because he was a bum. He was homeless, poor, and bitter at the world. His only means of acquiring what he needed or wanted was thievery.

Being invisible essentially made him the thief that could never be caught, even if stealing in front of someone. However the man did have a conscience. As such, he tried to avoid stealing. It was the only thing that could perhaps ever lead someone to concluding he was a gentleman.

That didn't mean he was a decent fellow. He would steal things on a whim, and often answered the question of 'to steal or not to steal' based on what was convenient for him. Currently he was pilfering whatever source of nourishment he could from random stalls. Just because he was a bit famished.

The busy crowds surrounding the market made it easy for him to slip in and out, and snatch things away without anyone even batting an eye. The best part about his invisibility was the fact that after putting something in his mouth, it became invisible as well as long as it was inside him. Which meant he could eat the food right there. After he had satisfied his hunger sufficiently he made his way out of the crowds and back to his clothing.

He had his pants and shirt on and was in the process of rewrapping himself up when a female voice called him from behind. "Oh! Still up to your old tricks?" The man sighed deeply and ignored the voice, continuing the process of wrapping his face in gauze.

"Hey, turn around. I've been looking all over for you." He continued to ignore her until he had finished covering himself, then he slowly turned to face the voice. The voice came from a woman who was rather tall, at least in comparison to the average Japanese woman's height.

The man himself was only around 170cm. While this was taller than the average Japanese man, it wasn't as tall as the woman in front of him. This irritated the man, as it made him have to slightly look up at her to meet her eyes. Or rather her sunglasses.

"Kuroko."

The woman smirked at him. "Oh? So we're on a first name basis now? I didn't know our relationship progressed that far already."

The man grunted at her. "Don't you have anything better to do Smith? Some paperwork, or at least babysitting some greenhorn monster?" She smiled at him. "Don't you mean 'extraspecies'?" If his eyes were visible, it would be obvious that he was glaring at her. Instead he could only stand there in silence, hoping she got the message. "No, I meant what I said. What do you want?"

She tut-tutted at him. "Sorano, what is this? The fourth or fifth time I've caught you up to no good?" He just stood there with his hands in his pockets. "Third actually." She shook his head at him in disappointment. "Well, you know what they say about the third time right?" He snorted at her. "Third time's the charm?" She smirked at him. "No, third strike you're out." He took a small step back.

She sighed. "Sorano, M.O.N.'s already surrounded you. I warned you about this." At this he sighed as well. "Your lapdogs." Her eyes narrowed at the insult. He continued speaking. "What's to stop me from stripping down and running right now?" "Manako."

The man rubbed his temple. "Don't they have a hostage to rescue or a robbery to stop? Am I really your biggest problem right now? Don't you have anyone else to bother with this crap?" She chuckled at this. A dry, humorless chuckle. "Afraid not, we're going to have to take you to the station."

The man known as Sorano just shrugged. Then he extended his hands. Smith raised an eyebrow at this. Sorano spoke up. "Aren't you going to cuff me or something?" She smiled at this, and gestured with her hand that this wasn't the case. "Last time I did that you just broke out of them anyway. Let's just talk at the station. Don't be a baby. It's not as bad as you think."

The man mumbled something along the lines of 'This damn woman' before shuffling behind her as she led him to a black SUV with tinted windows. He stumbled into the backseat as Smith got behind the wheel. "Have to wait for the others." She said this to him without turning around. He merely grunted in the affirmative.

A few moments later and the members of M.O.N. started entering the vehicle as well. It noticeably creaked under the weight of the Ogre member of the group. Smith started the car and the ride to the station commenced.

"You even brought Tio? Am I really that much of a concern that you needed the extra muscle?" Aforementioned Ogress smiled good-naturedly at the man. "Sora-kun? It's been a while!" The man grunted at her. "I told you not to call me that Ogre. My name's Sorano." She giggled at him. "Ok, Sorano-kun." Again he grunted at her.

"Long time no see Hollow Man. Ya still roamin' the streets in the nude?" This came from the Zombie of the group. Sorano sighed in her general direction before responding. "Same shit, different day. We're still all the same freaks we were last time we met Zombina." He avoided looking at her. She simply frowned in disappointment at his response.

"Monoeye. Good job, you're the only reason I'm here." The so-called 'Hollow Man' said this without any animosity in his voice. The comment seemed genuine to all in the vehicle, save for the girl it was addressed to.

She started fidgeting in place the second the man addressed her. Absentmindedly she checked the rifle in her hands. All she could respond with was a quiet, and very nervous, "Thank you". The man didn't respond back. It helped her to calm down a bit.

The final member of the squad interrupted the tense atmosphere. "What about me, Sorano-senpai? Did I help tooooo?" The voice was condescending and sarcastic. It came from a tan-skinned girl that wore no clothes. Her long light-colored hair was the only thing concealing the nudity of her petite form. Sorano simply ignored her. She smiled sadistically at him. "Oh? Do you hate me so much you won't speak?"

The words brought back the tension that had been gone just a mere minute ago. Again there was nothing but silence. Then a long, frustrated sigh. The wrapped man looked directly at the petite girl. His eyes, if she could see them, were aflame. Anger shone through his very core. His words were calm though. They showed none of the fury he felt at being addressed by her. "Silence, Shapeshifter. Let me face my judgement in peace."

The girl giggled at him. "Please. Don't be so melodramatic, Smith isn't going to do anything too harsh to you." At this point Smith spoke up. "Well Doppel, that's more or less decided by his definition of 'harsh'." This caused Doppel to smile. A somewhat wicked smile.

"Oh please, don't indulge him. He looks like he's getting ready for the chopping block." Currently the man in question had his head bowed with his hands clasped and was uttering a quiet prayer. "Yeesh, just look at the guy. He's as pitiful as last time." Doppel's comment was met with silence.

Tio broke the painful atmosphere. "Doppel, aren't you being a bit harsh?"

Again Doppel snorted. "Come on, look at him." She gestured to Sorano. "What happened last time? He got nabbed and instead of deporting him they just gave him some community service gig." She snorted loudly to show her displeasure. "He ditched it, and we caught him again. Nothing will come of it. He's just going to keep doing the same thing."

Smith spoke up at that time. "Doppel drop it."

The command ended the conversation, making the rest of the ride continue in silence.

* * *

 **AN: First things first. My main inspiration for this story was 'Everyday Life as a Supporting Character' by luckychaos. I didn't believe anyone could bring some semblance of plot to Monster Musume. Then he did just that. Really he's the poster boy for a great fanfic. Especially with this fandom. Now on to the futile attempt at forcing lightning to strike twice that is this story. This won't get in the way of my other story GEGE. Don't worry, I'm working on that too. This story is going to be way more laid-back. The chapters will be shorter too, and in case you haven't noticed it's in third person. I'm trying to stretch my boundaries so to speak. The OC is loosely inspired by H.G. Wells character in 'The Invisible Man'. It's not a crossover, but it is a tale of what happens when the old meets the new.**


	2. The Thing from Another World

Upon arriving at the station, they all exited from the vehicle. Sorano was guided behind Smith, Zombina and Tio were alongside him, Doppel and Manako were behind him.

"Security tightened." His comment was without any particular tone or emotion. Just an observation on his surroundings. Smith responded. "Repeat offenders require special treatment." She briefly glanced back at him to smirk.

He was led into a small room. The members of M.O.N. were dismissed. They bid their farewells but Sorano paid them no mind. He was seated in a cheap metal chair. Smith took the seat opposite from him, a desk was all that separated them. Its surface was cluttered with files. "Seems you still haven't improved your organization skills."

Smith merely chuckled at his words. "No, I suppose I haven't. Just like you haven't improved your social skills." At this Sorano's eyes narrowed. Or rather, his face scrunched up underneath the gauze. Smith stuck her tongue out at him in a childish manner. Then she straightened her outfit and folded her hands on her lap. "But that's not why you're here." She shuffled through her files until she found the one she was looking for. "Deport me if you will. It matters little. This country hasn't brought me what I've desired anyway."

She giggled at him. "Maybe Doppel was right about you. You're certainly melodramatic." Sorano visibly tensed at this. As a result Smith raised her hands in a diplomatic gesture. "Ok, ok. I get it. But don't blame Japan for your failures, you've avoided all our attempts at helping you."

"I do not need any help." He snarled this at her. Then he took a deep breath to calm himself. "All I need is freedom. Not government hounds hunting me down." Smith actually frowned at this. "Well, then I suggest you avoid stealing everything that catches your fancy. I don't recall kleptomania being a part of your species' culture."

He stared at her. A cold, hard stare. One that she couldn't see, but one that she felt. "Human. You know nothing of my culture, or of my species. I steal to eat. To survive." Smith didn't back down. "I would know more about your species if you weren't such an isolated bunch. Or if you yourself opened up a bit." At this she pointed at him with her index finger. "As for 'stealing to survive' it'd be easy for you to survive if you stayed with your homestays."

"I do not need a human." She nodded while signing some paperwork. "Yeah, yeah. I get it. Your species are solitary in nature. But listen, right now you're basically an illegal alien in the eyes of the law, and one who's a thief to boot." He grunted at her. "Not my fault your laws are foolish."

"Hmm…" Smith hummed. "You have a point there. But it doesn't excuse your thievery." Sorano shrugged at this. "I'll accept that." Smith sighed. "Listen, normally I'd be deporting you. Hell, I was supposed to deport you after the first incident. But I didn't, do you know why?"

"Deporting me would actually require you to do some work?" At this Smith laughed. "Well, I won't deny that reassigning you is less paperwork than outright deporting you. But that's beside the point. There's obviously a reason for you to be here or else you wouldn't have joined the Cultural Exchange Program."

"I was bored." He interrupted her. It caused Smith to raise an eyebrow in curiosity. "Beg your pardon?" He crossed his left leg over his right, and shifted in his chair to straighten his posture. "I was bored and had nothing to do, it seemed like something I might want to try out. I was mistaken." Smith pouted at this. "Don't judge the program itself by a few bad experiences. You have to understand that you've been rather 'difficult' to handle."

He raised an eyebrow at this. Though it was barely visible underneath the gauze. "Handle? Are we pets for you humans to amuse yourselves with?" Smith sighed. "You know I didn't mean it like that." He shifted in the chair and ended up scooting closer to her desk. "Didn't you? You humans make it illegal for us to protect ourselves against your kind. You make it illegal for our kind to romantically or sexually become involved with yours."

Sorano's voice was quickly rising in volume. "We can only go out when a human is with us. We can only be in your country as a guest, and must live in your homes without being able to make our own." He was basically shouting at her. Such was the fury he felt at the perceived implication of her words. "Tell me how we differ from a pet? Explain why we are treated as inferior?!" With his piece said he slouched back in his chair.

Smith sat there in silence as he quietly fumed. Finally she spoke. Her voice was cool and calculated, as if she had weighed the power of each word she spoke. Her professional nature had taken hold. "Like I said, you have a point. But I can't change the laws. I don't have the power." His shaded eyes met hers. "Tell me who does. I will talk to them."

A sad smile found its way on her face. "I'm afraid it's not that easy. Even if it was, the ones in power wouldn't talk to someone like you, let alone listen to you." Sorano snorted at this. "Fine. I've had enough of your country. Deport me." She shook her head. "Wait. There's one last option available." She paused for him to respond. He merely gestured for her to continue. Once he gave the go ahead, she passed the file she'd found to him.

The first thing that caught his attention was the man's picture. He looked rather bland if anything else. Not really handsome, nor particularly ugly. Just average. Sorano scanned over it as she spoke. "Kimihito Kurusu. He's new to the program. However his record's clear, and he's a decent guy. If you can't get along with him you can't get along with anyone." He glared at her. "Only decent?" She shrugged. "Sure he isn't perfect, but he means well." Sorano snorted at that. "If he's so great why wasn't he the guy I was assigned to first?"

Smith sighed. "Well, like I said, he's new. In fact the only reason he's even a volunteer is because I kind of forced it upon him." Immediately he pushed the file back to her. "I don't want to force someone to 'handle' me." He still hadn't gotten over her use of that word. "You're misunderstanding. The reason Darling's such a great guy is because he already has a liminal living with him."

"Darling?" She ignored his interruption and continued. "Originally he wasn't a volunteer for the Cultural Exchange, I just kind of forced him to watch this liminal because she didn't have a home." Sorano cleared his throat loudly in an attempt to hold back laughter. "Sounds like further proof that you're all laughably unorganized and incapable of properly doing your jobs."

Again Smith ignored him. Though this time her eyes noticeably narrowed behind her glasses. "Anyway, Darling was initially hesitant but agreed once I stressed how much the girl needed his help." Sorano cupped his chin with a hand, and nodded his head as if he were pondering her words. "So, let me get this straight, you forced this man into allowing a stranger to live in his house. You did this to a stranger you didn't know, and you then left him a monster girl to live with him."

Smith nodded 'yes' to all of this. "Well when you phrase it like that it sounds kind of bad." Sorano offered a dry chuckle to this. "How do you want me to say it? You forced a man into taking someone into his home. Isn't that illegal?" Smith shrugged. "Not technically." Sorano massaged his temple. "Yet I living by myself is."

Sighing he continued his analysis of her information. "If I'm to look at this from a different perspective it sounds even worse. You gave a girl to a complete stranger." He flipped through the file until he came to the part about the liminal girl being discussed. "A girl in a country that was new to her and who didn't know anyone. What if they guy only agreed because of some sick fetish of his?"

Smith gave a frustrated sigh at this. "You're making it sounds worse than it was. I check up on them, and they're getting along great." Sorano fought to hold back a comment on how little he viewed her word on such a thing. Lest he anger her personally. "Listen, this is the only one left for you. It's either this or deportation."

Without hesitating he answered. "Deport me." Smith's eye twitched in irritation. "Ok. Though there is something you may not have thought of." Sorano folded his arms as he waited for her to continue. "Since your species is rather nomadic and solitary that means I have complete control over where you end up." At this he inwardly recoiled. Though he avoided showing weakness in front of her. Her eyes had the same gaze of a predator, trying to discern a crack in his armor.

"So I wouldn't complain if you were to perhaps end up living in the frozen tundra of Siberia. Or maybe the arid desert of the Sahara." Both of these brought a sense of dread to Sorano, so he decided his best bet was to derail her train of thought. "As long as it isn't Florida." The comment succeeded in surprising Smith. "Why Florida?"

Without an ounce of humor he responded. "They elected baby Bush." The room was completely silent. Neither laughed. "Was… that a joke? How do you even know that?" He shrugged. "I studied your world before I arrived. All of it. Seems like it was a waste." Smith just shook her head.

"Anyway, can't you just give this a chance?" He answered without hesitating. "No." At this Smith slammed her head against the desk. A deep sigh came from her as she tried to calm down. "It's like trying to get through a brick wall!" Sorano just nodded. "I agree. Why do you not simply understand 'deport me'?" Smith laughed at this.

"You're rather good at twisting words. Are you sure you're not some bigtime politician of your species?" Sorano responded with a single small sarcastic laugh. "Hardly. The little you know about my people should more than tell you that." Smith frowned at him. "Can you just try to live with Darling?"

Sorano too frowned, though the only thing that gave it away was the crease in his wrapping. "Give me a moment to study the file, and to think."

* * *

 **AN: I'm going to let you all decide the name for Sorano's species. Invisible Men just doesn't have the same ring to it that 'The Invisible Man' does. I debated just calling them Transparents, but that seemed a better title than a name for a species of monster. Then again canon has a species called Monoeyes so it wouldn't be the worst. To 'the wielder of blue flames': I wouldn't say it is wrong for you to want to punch Doppel. We're just at the beginning and she's already being a prick. Sorano isn't really the nicest guy to her though. There will be a reason for this of course.**


	3. The Uninvited

More than a moment later. Both of them are sitting in the black SUV they had taken to the station. It was parked in front of Kurusu's house. "You sure you cleared this with him?" Smith nodded energetically. "Of course! Do you take me as incompetent?" Sorano decided it would be best not to answer that.

"Fine. Is there anything else I need to know?" Smith thought for a while. "Well, there is the fact that I'm tasking you with keeping them from developing a romantic relationship." Sorano's jaw noticeably dropped. Even with his coverings it was obvious. "We can't have them breaking the law now can we? At least until the law changes, that is."

The tension this information brought could have been cut with a knife it was so thick. "I do not recall you ever making mention of this." Smith mockingly tapped her index finger against her chin, and looked upwards as if she were trying to remember something. "Really? I'm pretty sure I stressed that point." For once, Sorano was incapable of coming up with a reply. He was simply incredulous that this woman would try such a scheme on him.

Smith continued talking. "Yup, I definitely told you that part. Don't worry though, since you'll technically be helping the government you're going to be on their payroll." That brought a bitter taste to his mouth. Working for a human government wasn't something he desired. "Meaning you get the same freedom in your day-to-day life as a member of M.O.N. Well, maybe not the same freedom exactly, but you'll still have less restrictions that the average liminal. Don't exploit it." However, that eased a bit of Sorano's concerns. Though it meant he'd be selling his dignity, in order to get something he felt was his right. He didn't know how to feel about that.

He'd have to decide later as Smith continued speaking, ceasing any attempt he may have at replying. "Plus, you'll get some pocket change. Granted that means your expenses won't be covered for Darling, but since I'm his coordinator and since you'll all be living together, I don't think there will be a problem if any under the table deals started to go down." She smiled at the man. He stared at her in shock. It was almost impressive how well she planned this.

He abruptly started laughing. It was a hoarse sound. She smirked at him. "No wonder you don't laugh that often. You sound like you're choking." That only served to further his laughter. After he managed to calm down he replied. "You infuriate me Kuroko, but I will give you one thing, you certainly have moxie." She smiled at the compliment. He cleared his throat with a cough. "I'm guessing there's no room for negotiations?" She smiled. It was all the answer he needed. _If you don't do this you're getting deported._ In a way she was more intimidating with the words she didn't state.

"Won't I need clothes?" He decided his best course was to just go with it. "Well, you've shown you fare better without them actually." Her chuckle was met with his silence. "I'm serious." His tone confirmed his words. She just slowly nodded. "When are you ever not serious?" This was again met with silence, so Smith just decided it best to cut her loses. Sighing she truly answered his question. "Well, we've taken care of all of that. It'll all be delivered by the end of the day."

"Really? How do you know what I prefer to wear?" He was a bit curious as to how they found that information out. She shrugged. "Went off of the things you've been caught stealing." Behind the gauze his mouth opened in an 'o' shape. "Well, good luck." Clearly that was a dismissal, yet Sorano didn't feel the need to get up quite yet. "You aren't coming with me?" She titled her head to the side in a questioning pose. "Why would I do that?"

He impatiently tapped his foot on the car's floor. "To introduce me to my new host." This earned him a smirk. "Oh. I'm sure you'll do fine on your own. After all you have that charming personality of yours." _Love you too, sweetheart._ "Besides, I have work to do. Not all of us can steal to survive." Her mocking tone irritated him, but he let it slide.

In order to avoid prolonging the inevitable, and entertain Smith any longer, he silently got out of the car and made his way to Kurusu's house. He wasn't more than a few steps away when the car zoomed off into the distance. _Clearly Smith didn't tell me something._ He knocked twice on the front door, and patiently waited for his new host to greet him.

From behind the door he could hear footsteps approaching. The man who opened the door was the same one he had seen in the photos. A young man with an unassuming look. He was a rather generic fellow. Sorano felt pity for him. The arrival of a monster girl was probably the most exciting thing that had ever happened to him. He was the type of man that wasn't judged by their character, but by how they affected the characters of others.

While Sorano was silently judging his new host based on looks alone, aforementioned host was starting to feel nervous. He had called out to the man twice and hadn't gotten a response. The bandaged man's stare was starting to unnerve him. When Sorano finally spoke, it caused Kurusu to jump from the suddenness of it. "Kurusu Kimihito." It wasn't a question, but a statement. I did nothing to ease Kurusu's worry. Why did this man know his name?

"Yes? That's me." Sorano nodded his head once. Then he advanced towards the open door. Before Kurusu even had a chance to protest, Sorano had forced his way into the entryway. Without removing his shoes, he continued into the house. Opening a door he found himself in the foyer. Kurusu could do little except chase after him.

"Nice place you got here." Sorano offered a compliment after giving the room an appraising look. He didn't glance behind him, or else he would have seen Kurusu nod in agreement. In front of Sorano was the lamia that he'd read about. She was lounging on the couch, yawning contently. She blinked a few times to clear away her sleepiness before looking up at Sorano.

"Darling? Who's this?" Kurusu opened his mouth to answer, but Sorano butted in. "Your new housemate." The shocked expressions on their faces told him all he needed to know. _I knew Smith left something out._ He glanced back and forth between them before shrugging. "Smith didn't tell you." Kurusu timidly chuckled. "Uh. . . no. She didn't."

Sorano sighed. "Figures." He turned towards Kurusu and extended his hand. "Name's Sorano." Kurusu was baffled by the gesture. This led to an awkward period of silence. Both of them started to stare at Sorano's hand. Then they both started staring into each other's eyes. "You shake it." Kurusu nervously chuckled and started rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh." His hand met Sorano's. As soon as he did so he realized he'd made a mistake. Sorano crushed his hand in his grasp, and the handshake practically felt as if it had dislocated his shoulder.

After doing so Sorano nodded twice in approval before returning his attention to Miia. As soon as he did so Kurusu started to massage his damaged hand. "You're the snake, correct?" Miia blinked at him. "Um. . . yes? I'm a lamia?" Sorano's blunt tone caught her off guard. He nodded at her. "So, uh. . . how long are you staying with us?" Kurusu's question caused him to raise an eyebrow behind his gauze. "Already want to get rid of me?" Both Miia and Kurusu quickly shook their heads.

Sorano softly chuckled. It came out just as hoarse as it had in front of Smith. "Relax. I doubt it'll be a permanent thing." Miia noticeable eased at this news. Kurusu smiled at Sorano. "Well, it's good to have you here." Sorano visibly smiled at this, his bandages creasing to show the expression. Inwardly he judged the words. _I doubt you truly mean that._ "Good to be here." _Just as I don't truly mean that. Smith really screwed up with this._

"So, did Smith tell you why you're here?" Sorano sighed at this. "Where should I start?" Miia spoke up. "From the beginning would be nice." Sorano cupped his jaw with a hand and thought about how to respond. Then he nodded sagely, as if he had found his answer. "Well, I have my reason for being here. But overall the main reason for me being in this household specifically can be summed up in one question. Do you want to hear it?"

Both Miia and Kurusu nodded curiously. Sorano sighed. _Well, I at least gave you a choice._ "Have you fucked each other yet?" Kurusu actually choked at the question, and dropped to the floor in shock. Miia started to blush deeply. She tried to reply, but her words only came out in a mess of gibberish. Sorano smirked at their reactions. It was amusing to watch them squirm. _Maybe this won't be too bad._

* * *

 **AN: Just to clarify, in case it wasn't obvious, the italicized text are the thoughts of Sorano. This story's third-person limited so his thoughts will be the only ones that are seen. Thanks for reading! Let me know how you felt about it or if I had any mistakes. Thanks!**

 **PS: To SunbroHypeTrain- I like that. 'Cloakers'. It reminds me of my Payday days.**


	4. The Unseeable

"So, let me get this straight. Smith tasked you with making sure we didn't do anything . . . physical?" This had been the third time Kurusu had asked for clarification. It had taken a lot of explaining from Sorano's end in order to calm down his new housemates, and even then they still seemed skeptical about his claim. Sorano didn't blame them for it, but that didn't stop him from being frustrated.

The kid, as he had started to call Kurusu, was a bit thickheaded. The lamia was flabbergasted throughout the entire explanation. She'd tried to defend herself a few times, though couldn't manage more than a squeak. Sorano was starting to think she had a rat stuck in her throat.

"Yeah kid. Smith's making me babysit the both of you. Believe me when I say it's not what I want to do with my time." Kurusu simply nodded. Miia, for her worth, tried to comment yet again. "I don't think that's necessary." Sorano dryly noted that she'd gotten past her surprise. Unfortunately her tone was one that left little room for debate. It annoyed Sorano. He saw it as arrogance. "Snaky, I doubt its necessary. But I don't have a say in any of it. Complain to Smith, not me."

The girl frowned at him. "My name's Miia." She stressed this point to the newcomer. However, it was a point that was lost to him. "Whatever you say, cowboy boots." This earned him an angry glare. Kurusu, ever the mediator, tried his best to ease the tension in the air. "Sorano, I'd appreciate if you avoided the nicknames. Miia, he's not at fault for this situation. The blame clearly falls on Smith."

Inwardly Sorano was amused by how the kid openly called out Smith. Outwardly he was frowning because of the first comment. "Kid, I'll call the lot of you whatever I feel like calling you. You can do the same to me. I'm thick skinned, and I most definitely do not molt." Miia flushed red at this. "Ok Darling." Her sudden submissiveness bothered Sorano. _Clearly she's got it bad for this human. How'd that happen so soon? Damn lamias. They think too much about sex. It's going to be difficult to keep her off him. Especially during a full moon._ He visibly shuddered at that thought. The others didn't catch it.

Kurusu was smiling in appreciation at Miia. She was staring at him starry eyed. It made Sorano feel all the more like a third wheel to their little love nest. He loudly cleared his throat to get their attention. "I apologize for my comments. I haven't had the best of days, but it doesn't mean I should take it out on you . . . Miia." It took him a moment to remember her name. He'd already deemed it unimportant.

The apology wasn't heartfelt, instead it came out of necessity. Sorano rationalized that he'd have to be living with them for a week at least. Hopefully he'd come up with a plan of action within that timeframe. Though it was entirely likely he'd be stuck here longer. Sorano was running through numerous contingency plans in his head.

 _She's going to resent me for encroaching on her territory. But the kid might come to like me. He seems like the gullible type. An easy mark if ever I've seen one. Smith's going to be the real concern. If I botch this she'll find some way of making my life hell. Can't trust her._

Kurusu and Miia were both staring at him in confusion as he did this. "Uh, Darling. Is he alright?" Kurusu nervously chuckled at this. "I think so? I can't really read his expression."

 _If I end up having to be here for the full moon I'm going to need to stock up on supplies. Water guns maybe. I could always just turn the A/C on max. She wouldn't be able to do much._

"I think he's pondering something important. See how he started cupping his chin in his hand?" "Hmm, I guess you have a point Darling. Isn't it kind of rude for him to do that in front of us though?" Kurusu shrugged. "Well maybe his culture's different. I don't think mummies are social in nature." Miia scratched her head. "A mummy? Is that why he's covered in that cloth stuff?" Kurusu nodded his head in affirmation. "I think so. Something to do with the embalmment process."

Sorano was quietly fuming. He had been driven from his thoughts the moment the word 'mummy' was spoken. His sharp inhale of air caused the other two to jump. It took him a moment to calm down. Once he did he spoke, his words carrying a hint of disappointment. "Mummy? Do I look like I know Brendan Fraser?" There was a long drawn out period of silence. Miia interrupted it. "Who's that?" This only caused Sorano to sigh. _Shouldn't have expected them to get that joke. It wasn't that funny anyway._

"The point is, I'm not a mummy. You racists." That last comment started a hilarious chain reaction. Kurusu quickly threw his hands out and waved them as if he was trying to dispel the thought. He furiously shook his head while doing so. After doing so he clambered onto the floor and bowed deeply, pressing his forehead to the floor.

Miia started stuttering, incapable of responding. Her Darling's actions told her that they'd done something wrong. She couldn't process an appropriate reply. Partially because she didn't know what she'd done wrong, and partially because she disliked the thought of apologizing to this new guy. He seemed quite different from Darling, and not in a good way.

As if to affirm that thought Sorano started laughing. Again it came out as grating sound. Hoarse and humorless. More of a cough than a laugh. It seemed to be genuine though, as he removed his sunglasses to wipe away a tear. And that's when Kurusu and Miia saw what he really was. It was unnerving to look into his 'eyes'. They were nothing more than holes in the gauze. Miia could see straight through them, all the way to the gauze wrapping the back of his head.

"I was joking about that racist comment by the way." Again he tried to laugh, and again it came out as more of a cough. "You're blind." Miia said this without thinking, and quickly blushed in shame. Sorano raised a hand. "No, thankfully I'm not. Though God only knows how I can see despite being unseeable." Kurusu cleared his throat. "Forgive me. But you're a liminal correct?" Sorano nodded. "Yes I'm a monster." Neither of them decided to comment on that.

Instead Miia continued the line of questioning. "What species are you?" Sorano removed the scarf around his neck, and gave them the disorienting and surreal experience of seeing a man's head hover above his body. "A dullahan?" The disembodied head shook 'no'. Then a glove came off. The lack of a hand was disturbing to say the least. It didn't help when Sorano tried to joke about it. "I'm going to be gone soon if I have to keep stripping for you guys to get the message."

He laughed at this. But this time the cough/laugh devolved into a choking sound. His form bended upon itself as he tried to regain his breath. Kurusu rushed to him. "Are you alright?" Sorano raised his covered hand to keep him back and hemmed to clear his throat. "I'm fine. Just need to stop joking around." Kurusu stared at him in concern. It confused Sorano a bit. _The boy's worried about me. Wonder why?_

He stood up straight again. "Sorry about that." Miia was the one that replied first. "Don't worry about it. Just glad you're ok." She flashed him a bright smile. Again this confused Sorano. _What's her game?_ He bowed deeply to them though. A display of gratitude at their concern. Once he was done he began to explain what he was. "I don't think my species really has a name. Though we've been called quite a few things. I think your government classifies us under the term 'Cloakers'."

"Cloakers?" Both Kurusu and Miia asked the question. Sorano nodded and began to rewrap himself. "We're solitary species. Tending to avoid even our own kind. Probably why you haven't heard of us." At this he shrugged. "Not like it matters. This isn't about me, it's about you two." Kurusu smiled at him. "Maybe, but it's nice to know more about you anyway." At this Sorano's eyes narrowed behind his sunglasses. _This kid's something else. Trying to butter me up, as if I'm some innocent virgin schoolgirl._ He glanced at the lamia from the corner of his eye. _Well that explains how she fell for him so easily. Kid must be awfully charismatic._

"Well, since you'll be staying with us from now on it'd better show you too a room." Sorano merely nodded. The room he got ended up being rather generic. The stereotypical Japanese room. Instead of furniture there were tatami mats. Sorano snorted at the sight. _This won't do at all._ "Hey kid, mind if I ask Smith to have this remodeled?" Kurusu thought the request over for all of a second before responding. "I've got no problem with it, after all this is your room now."

Sorano shifted uneasily at this. "Kid, you don't need to accept it so quickly. It's your house after all." In response Kurusu flashed a smile. "Well since you're living here it's technically our house." He chuckled at this. Sorano just awkwardly stared at him.

 _Does Smith have some dirt on this kid? Is that why he's so accepting of this?_ "Uh . . . well. Ahem." He cleared his throat to buy time to think. "Umm, thanks. I guess." Kurusu just nodded. "Don't mention it."

This lead to even more awkward silence from Sorano. Kurusu took it upon himself to break the silence by coughing. "Well, excuse me but I have to get dinner started. Any requests?" Sorano just shook his head. "I'll leave you to get sorted out." Kurusu patted him on the shoulder on his way out. Leaving Sorano to his thoughts.

 _Kid's definitely a sexual deviant._

* * *

 **AN: I'm grateful for all of you who've followed and favorited this story. It really means a lot. The OC in this story won't be as humorous as my other OC, but he's not going to be a complete party pooper. Hopefully you'll find him to your liking.**


	5. Bad Taste

Dinner was, understandably, awkward. Sorano wasn't exactly the mannerly type. At least by Japanese standards. He'd said a simple prayer, removed his gloves and the gauze around his mouth, tucked a napkin into his shirt, and then gaped at the food set in front of him. By his standards the meal Kurusu had made was a feast. It definitely made up for the past few days he'd spent stealing individual items from produce stands.

His stomach voiced his approval when it started growling. Miia giggled at the noise. Sorano's glare only furthered her amusement. She playfully stuck her tongue out at him in protest. He ignored her and focused on the food.

At first he took it slow. He hesitated with his first bite, chewing slowly so he could fully take in the flavor and judge it for what it was. There was a long pause after he swallowed that first bite. Kurusu smiled at him and patiently waited for him to react. Miia had simply started eating, quietly waiting for the newcomer to respond.

Sorano dramatically pointed his fork at Kurusu. "You're the one who made this?" Kurusu smiled awkwardly and nodded. There was a very audible gasp from Sorano. Then an even longer period of silence. Miia started to speak in an attempt to ease the tension. "Darling, this food is great." Kurusu gratefully smiled at her. The silence again owned the room.

Finally Sorano spoke. "Kid, if you cook like this for me I'll follow you through Heaven and Hell." This resulted in Miia snorting quite unladylike, before breaking into a full round of laughter. Kurusu nervously chuckled at the intensity behind Sorano's words. Sorano ignored them both and started shoveling food into his mouth.

One would think he had been starving with the fervor in which he did so. In truth, he had. He'd been starving for a good meal for a long time. Now he had found it. Unfortunately it came with some strings attached. The main one being his role as a babysitter. _Pros and cons Sorano, pros and cons._

The rest of the meal went by without much incident.

Sorano's eating did unsettle Miia a tad. From an outside perspective it would appear as if a fork was moving on its own accord. Bringing food up to the unwrapped portion of his face, only for it to completely disappear. Without context it would be quite scary to see such an act. Almost as if a ghost was at work. Kurusu didn't mind though. He was somewhat displeased at constantly being referred to as 'kid', but other than that he was happy with how things had turned out.

Sorano slurped up the last of his meal before releasing a pleased sigh. Patting his stomach he excused himself from the table and made his way to his room. "He's an odd one, isn't he Darling?" Kurusu chuckled at that. "I guess he is. Though we're all odd in our own way." Miia sighed at that. "Darling, you're too kind." Then she smiled brightly. "And that's why I love you so much!" She then attempted to leap over the table and into his lap.

The sudden movement startled Kurusu. He could only look at her in disbelief, fork halfway to his mouth. The entire scenario occurred in slow motion, Miia slowly diving towards her beloved. Aforementioned beloved only capable of looking at her in horror. He fully knew that her landing would not be a soft one. He would certainly feel some pain.

That landing never came though. Kurusu's chair was swiftly pulled backwards, allowing him to avoid the descending liminal. Instead Miia landed in a heap on the floor. A groan could be heard coming from her. Kurusu's mouth was wide open at how things turned out. He was confused to say the least. Harsh laughter came from behind him. It caused Kurusu to glance back.

Sorano met his glance, holding his sides as he laughed. He managed to pause long enough to get in a few words. "You're going to have to try harder than that while I'm around Snaky." At his words Miia scrambled to get up. Her face was tinted with a deep blush. "What's the big idea?!" Sorano just waved her question off and walked away laughing.

As he did this a knock came from the front door. "I'll get it." Kurusu used it as an excuse to escape the tension that had been created. The front door opened to reveal Ms. Smith. "Hello Darling." Kurusu started scratching his head when he saw her. "Smith?" She barged into the house in much the same way Sorano had when he first arrived. "Just wanted to see how he's acclimated."

About a dozen workers rushed in behind her, pushing past Kurusu as well. They carried various boxes with them. A few were even pairing up to bring in pieces of furniture. "And also set up his room." Kurusu nervously smiled at this. "You're not going to need to do any construction right?" She shrugged. "We might need to tear down most of the walls. His species' really likes open spaces."

Sorano spoke up from the other room. "That's a lie. I have the same tastes as any human." Smith chuckled at this. "Of course you'd spoil the joke." Sorano walked into the entryway, arms crossed, and a frown visible behind his wrap. "I didn't find it funny." He turned to Kurusu. "If anything kid, my kind prefer tight spaces. We're not the claustrophobic type, so don't worry." Kurusu released a relieved sigh at that. "I think the snake was calling for you. Best check on her." At that Kurusu rushed away.

"Getting them alone together? Isn't that counterproductive?" Smith was smirking at him. It agitated Sorano a bit. _I don't like that look. She's the type that always has a card up their sleeve. I need to be careful with this human._ "It was mainly to get us alone." Her smirk grew at this. "Really? I didn't think we had that kind of relationship."

"We don't." Sorano left no room for debate with his tone. His next words were going to be difficult for him to say. He didn't have the patience to joke around. "But I must say something to you." Behind her sunglasses Smith's eyebrow rose. "Oh? I'm all ears." There was a long uncomfortable pause from Sorano. His lack of distinguishable facial features made it hard for Smith to judge him. Instead she just waited.

Eventually there came a disgruntled grunt from him. Then he took a deep breath. Kurusu was amused about this buildup. "What are you going to confess to me or something?" Immediately Sorano tensed, as if he'd been struck. "Don't flatter yourself human." She snorted at this. "Besides, I wouldn't want to be deported." There was a hint of humor to these words.

She picked up on it. "Was that a joke? You must be in good spirits." He didn't answer these words, instead he changed the topic. "Anyway, I had something to tell you." "I await your every word." She said this with a dry tone. "Very well." Again there was a long pause. If Smith had less patience she would have gotten anxious. Instead she waited.

Finally he spoke. "Thank you human." Smith's eyes widened in surprise. If she hadn't been wearing sunglasses Sorano would have probably gotten a good laugh off of her expression. This time he waited for her response. She remained stunned into silence for a moment. Then she regained her senses, coughing into her fist to clear her throat. "For what?"

Sorano actually chuckled at this. Once, twice, three times. Then he stopped. "For giving an old dog a chance to learn new tricks." It was cryptic, and deliberately so. Again her eyebrow rose behind those glasses. He just shrugged. "And for the remodeling. I was going to ask about it. You saved me those words."

She chuckled at this. "Of course saving words would be important to you." He didn't refute that. Instead a faint smile could be seen under his wrappings. There was an awkward period of silence before Kurusu walked back into the area. "Miia didn't want anything." He said it in a defeated tone, as if he'd expected such a trick.

Smith flashed him a smile. "Darling, could you make some of that coffee of yours?" Kurusu smiled, but sighed in a deflated manner. "Coffee?" Smith shrugged at Sorano's question. "He makes good coffee." Sorano tilted his head to the side in confusion. "The brand he has is the same as the brand your office has."

Smith nervously chuckled at this while waving her hands, as if that would assuage the suspicion he directed towards her. Then she coughed twice into the palm of her hand and changed the subject. "Do you drink coffee?" _She needs to work on her subtlety._ He allowed the obvious shift in topics. "I drink it black."

She chuckled at this. "How manly of you." He waved away the implication. "Hardly. I just don't like cream or sugar." She smiled at this. "So you're telling me you don't have a hidden sweet tooth?" Sorano merely snorted at this, turning away from her and returning to the kitchen. She shook her head at this, following him as she did so.

Kurusu had just finished brewing the coffee. He had three mugs in front of him. One was handed to Smith. "Sorano, how do you like your coffee?" Sorano just grabbed one of the mugs from Kurusu. "Black's fine. Thanks." He skillfully removed the wrapping around his face with one hand.

They all sat down at the kitchen table. Quietly sipping their coffee, savoring the taste and enjoying the silence. That was until Miia rushed into the room. "Darling! The men need you to sign something." Kurusu rubbed the back of his neck, excusing himself as he got up and left.

Silence again retook the room. It continued for a moment, then Sorano ended it. "Why am I really here Kuroko?" Smith took a small sip from her coffee before setting it down. She folded her hands in front of her. Her expression became unreadable. _She's gone into business mode it seems._ "Didn't we already go over this? To watch those two and make sure they don't get in trouble."

Sorano guzzled the rest of his coffee down. He stared at her long and hard before responding. "You have trained professionals to handle that. Why me?" She sighed at this. "You always have to question everything, don't you?" At this Sorano folded his hands in front of himself, matching Smith's posture. "Only when I need an answer."

She frowned at this. "Can't you just accept it? Without nitpicking everything?" He shrugged. "Maybe nitpicking is a cultural trend for my species?" Smith chuckled at this. A humorless, dry chuckle. "Funny. Very funny." At this Sorano sighed. "Come on Smith, it's a simple question. There's got to be a simple answer."

At this point the team of workers started walking past. They heard the door open and shut after several sets of footsteps left. "Well, looks like that's my cue to leave." Smith got up and brushed herself off. "Tell Darling the coffee was great." Sorano grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving. Her eyes narrowed at the contact. He ignored it. "Smith." His tone was uncompromising.

She sighed. Then she smiled. A small, sad smile. "Can't just accept things for what they are?" He shook his head. "Maybe you're here because those two will do more for you than you could ever do for them." She broke free from his grasp and walked out after saying this.

Sorano was stunned at her words. _They'll do more for me than I'll do for them?_ He shook his head clear and snorted in amusement. _Preposterous. I'll be responsible for keeping them out of prison. What could they possible do for me?_ He stood up and walked towards his room, calling out to Kurusu as he did so.

"Kid! Smith said your coffee tasted like shit!"

* * *

 **AN: Apologies for how long this took to be updated. I focused more on my other story for a little while, and then midterms reared their ugly heads and sidetracked me for a few weeks. Thanks for all the favs and follows! I wasn't expecting so many so quickly.**


	6. Straight On till Morning

Sorano's previously generic room had undergone a major renovation. It was almost comical at how fast the workers performed the task. Though the transformation was far less drastic than it could have been. Sorano needed no special additions to the room like a pool or a higher ceiling. So the dimensions of the room itself were roughly the same.

However what had once been a traditional Japanese bedroom had transitioned into something that could easily be referred to as a time capsule. It looked very much like a vintage study room. Something that would fit better in a scene from a black and white film. It would be especially fitting for an old whodunit movie. The entire room now had an eerie feeling to it.

It was densely packed, whereas before it was spacious now it had furniture crammed into every conceivable corner. Bookshelves lined the right wall. A large mahogany executive desk stood in the center of the room. Seated at it was a red velvet chair. A globe sat at one corner of the desk, while a lamp occupied the other side. Directly in the middle of it was a quill pen sitting in a vat of ink.

On the wall behind the desk was a duo of portraits. Both were men. One with a mustache and one that was clean shaven. The mustachioed one looked noticeably older. Underneath these portraits was a small fireplace. To the right of that was a grandfather clock. To the left of the fireplace was a small cot. It didn't fit into the overall theme of the room. Instead it looked like it was hastily placed to fill the necessary role of a bed.

Various landscape paintings were hanging from the other walls. As was the head of a bear, mounter on the wall as a trophy. The eyes of the long dead animal were haunting, appearing to follow those who entered the room. It was probably just the lighting of the room. To the left of the door, placed against the front wall, was a wardrobe closet. A chest of drawers was next to it. To the right of the door was the most impressive piece in the room. A gramophone placed upon its stand. It was clearly an antique. Just like most of the contents of the room.

Anyone stepping into the room would have felt as if they'd stepped back in time.

Sorano stepped into his new room. Instead of feeling out of place, he felt right at home. Memories of his life flooded his mind. He caressed the desk, feeling its contours.

He glanced upon the two portraits that overlooked the room. His body posture clearly showed that he felt a sense of reverence for the two men. Kurusu and Miia watched him from the doorway. Both were watching Sorano's actions with bated breath. He walked to the bookshelves, randomly picking up a book and glancing through its pages. Suddenly he slammed it shut, startling his audience at the door. Sorano stared at the book for a while, before placing it back on the shelf.

Then he went to the gramophone. Neither Kurusu nor Miia knew what the machine was. It wasn't something you would commonly see, unless you happened to be an antique collector. Sorano wasn't an antique collector. To him it wasn't an antique. He opened up the storage compartment of the stand and searched through a few of the records that were there. Then he pulled one out, placing it on the turntable of the machine and putting the stylus on it. Sorano turned the crank on the side of the machine. Soft jazz started playing from its horn.

From the way his features shifted underneath the gauze, both Miia and Kurusu could tell that Sorano was smiling. It was a smile that stretched across his entire face. He murmured something in a soft tone of voice. Neither of them caught what he said. If they had they might have been amused. "Smith you're a beautiful person." The music continued to play, it dispelled the eeriness of the room. Replacing it with a homey feeling. "Who're those two?" Miia's question interrupted the music. The stylus slipped off the record, the needle scrapping it as it did so and creating an unpleasant scratching sound. Sorano wasn't upset though. His mood had been lifted by this recent set of events.

He pointed to the man with the mustache. "Herbert George Wells. Most know him as H.G. Wells." Then he pointed at the clean shaven man. "Claude Rains." Neither Kurusu nor Miia knew who these people were. Sorano, sensing that this was the case, continued to speak. He sounded very much like a teacher lecturing his students. "Wells is a well-known author. He wrote the Time Machine, the Island of Doctor Moreau, War of the Worlds, and most importantly the Invisible Man." A great deal of admiration was heard in his tone. "Rains was an actor in many classic films. His first American film was the Invisible Man."

Miia was still a bit confused. "So?" If he had eyes, they would have widened in incredulity. Instead his features shifted behind the gauze and he looked to Kurusu for help. Kurusu was oblivious to this, as he too didn't really understand the connection Sorano had to these men. Sorano sighed. Then he gestured to himself. "I am the Invisible Man."

There was silence. Then Miia busted out into laughter. Kurusu wasn't much better, he simply scratched his head in confusion. Sorano ignored their respective reactions, and continued to explain. This time he focused solely on Kurusu. "Not literally. But figuratively." Sorano waited for Kurusu to understand. Miia still laughed in the background. When it became apparent that he didn't comprehend anything, Sorano continued explaining. "I just . . . kind of relate to the character. I guess."

At this Miia even stopped laughing. She stared wide eyed at Sorano. He shifted underneath her gaze. "That's adorable." Kurusu immediately tried to change the subject and cover her remark. Before he could even open up his mouth, Sorano interrupted him. "How so?" The genuine curiosity in his voice was surprising to say the least.

Miia thought for a moment to properly phrase her point. "Well, it means you actually have a soft side. So you're not just some big grumpy old geezer." Sorano grumbled at this, but it did little to end his good mood. _I definitely owe Smith for making this happen. Though the question remains as to how she did pull this off, and why she did._

"Please, could you two give me a moment to myself?" Kurusu was already exiting the room, smiling and nodding as she did so. Miia lingered for a bit, curious as to what was going through the head of the newcomer, before Kurusu called her. She slithered out while proclaiming "I'm on my way Darling!" Sorano closed the door behind her.

"Finally, a moment to myself." The soft jazz continued to play in the background. Sorano stretched his arms out wide, as if he were embracing the very room itself. "I could get used to this. Even if it means I have to deal with those two for the rest of my life." He walked to the portraits on the wall. Standing beneath them he basked in their magnificence. "Two of the greatest men humanity has offered. A shame they've passed away."

He then walked over to the bear head, carefully examining it to validate its authenticity. "It is real. Hopefully they didn't kill the animal just for my sake." Eventually Sorano came to the end of his little solo tour. He gracefully took a seat in the chair behind his new desk. "I feel as if I don't deserve this. It's as if I've gone from the simple pauper to the prince." _This is how they punish me? This seems more like a bribe. It's as if I'm a naughty child being given a cookie to shut up._ "Not that I'll complain."

The rest of his evening was spent in solitude. Sorano hardly moved from his seat behind the desk. At first he just allowed it all to sink in. Then, upon rediscovering the quill and ink, he decided it would help him cope if he were to start writing it all. "I can't recall the last time I've taken to pen and paper. I'd assume at least a decade, possibly two." Sorano released a deep, tired sigh, cracked his knuckles, and began to write.

 _Day 1. I guess._

 _Things have changed rather suddenly. For better or worse._

 _I was caught by M.O.N. yet again. Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have been stealing._

 _Saw the Doppelganger. We still don't get along. Too much bad blood between our races, I suppose. I can't allow myself to like her. Or even tolerate her. I should probably try, but we're simply incompatible._

 _Anyways, the cough has progressively gotten worse. Hopefully it will cease soon. Or at least lessen. I doubt it though._

 _Well, let's not focus on the negative for now._

 _My life has changed rather positively in the past day. I'm no longer homeless. Which is good. The streets were getting too crowded for my liking._

 _All these new liminals. Coming to Japan. They think it's a new world. A place of opportunity. If only they knew what I knew. It's the same all around. Different places and people, but the same theme all around._

 _These younglings, they will have quite an experience trying to adapt to humanity. Eventually they will realize it is not quite as impressive as it makes itself out to be. But that won't make it any less fun._

 _I'm smiling as I write this. As I said, my life has gotten better. At least temporarily. Who knows what tomorrow brings. But who cares?_

 _For today is beautiful._

 _I've lived long enough to know when complaining about evil, one must keep good things in mind. So as to avoid sinking further into depression._

 _These two kids. (I call them 'kids' because that's what they are to me.) They're sappy. Kind of disgusting. But in a charming way. Reminds me of when I was a younger man. Love and all that sickly sweet emotional junk._

 _I suppose I should thank God for how it's ended up. I've gone from nothing, to maybe having something. Granted I have to share it with the lovebirds, and I also have to cock block them, but it's not as bad as it could have ended up._

 _Even with all that tough talk, I really didn't want to be deported. It would have ended a journey before it even began._

 _Well, here's to the hope that things will turn out alright. A couple Hail Marys outta do the trick. Maybe a contribution to the nearest shrine. Haven't been able to find a cathedral around here, so hopefully God'll understand._

 _Everything has to end up alright. It has to. It hasn't for so long. But it has to now. Look at me, trying to be the optimist. I wish I could believe it will end up alright. God, I wish._

A knock from the door interrupts his writing. Sorano stirs in his seat, quickly grabbing the paper he had been writing on and shoving it into the desk. "Come in." The door opens slightly. Kurusu's head peeks through the slight crack. "Just wanted to let you know we're going asleep. You need anything?" For some reason this humored Sorano. Though he bit back any laughter. "No. I am fine." Kurusu flashed a smile at him. "Great. You know where the bathroom is?" Sorano lies, nodding his head in the affirmative. _I can find it on my own. Such a trivial question._ "Alright. Well good night."

Before he can exit from the room, Sorano speaks up. "Kid. Don't make me have to come in there tonight." The comment shocks Kurusu. He reacts by awkwardly smiling, unsure of how to respond. "Remember my job here." As this sheds some light on what Sorano meant, it sets Kurusu somewhat at ease. "Oh, yeah. I remember." Sorano merely nods. "Goodnight. Tell the snake I said likewise for her." Kurusu nods and excuses himself from the room.

With his departure Sorano can only sigh. He pulls the piece of paper out of the desk. Critically examining it, before deciding it's not up to his standard. His writing is balled up and hastily tossed behind him. Sorano then glances back at the grandfather clock. "It's not too late." He comments aloud after making a note of the time. This starts a disastrous cycle that keeps him up through most of the night. Writing to himself, dismissing it as garbage, tossing it aside and restarting from the beginning. Sorano doesn't mind the lack of sleep. He's excited. Probably more excited than he's been in years.

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 **AN: Don't worry this story isn't dead. Nor is it on life support. I don't have a clear plan for updating it, so it'll probably be more of a sporadic thing. For better or worse. Once again, thank you all for all the support. Really wasn't expecting this many favs and follows for just a few short chapters. Hopefully I can continue to please.**


	7. Fiend Without a Face

The chiming of the grandfather clock stirs Sorano awake early the next morning. He had passed out while writing, and as such he was currently slouched over in his new chair, surrounded by balled up paper, and still holding the pen he wrote with. At first he's confused as to where he is. But after a solid minute his brain's fully caught up with his body and is fully awake as well.

It still takes another few seconds for him to fully process the events of the previous day and make sense of what's going on. Even with all that done he's still largely perplexed by how much his life has changed in such a short time. To any other man it'd be a truly humbling experience. To Sorano, it's just another hurdle to jump over.

After a deep yawn and a stretch he's fully awake. He pushes himself out of his chair, glances at the clock to confirm it's not too late for breakfast, and, confirming it is in fact not, stumbles out of his room and to the kitchen. The fact that it's empty makes him frown a little. It also causes his stomach to loudly grumble in annoyance. Clearly voicing its displeasure that a plate of food isn't awaiting its beginning of a new day.

Assuming that his housemates are still asleep, and actually being decent enough not to wake them, Sorano decides to cook for himself. Then he remembers the last time he tried that. The fire department would never come to understand how one could manage to set an unplugged toaster on fire simply by touching it. Perhaps it was black magic. Or maybe Sorano simply had a special way with electrical appliances. Calling him the anti-Fonz wouldn't be too much of a stretch. Technology always seemed to spontaneously combust at his touch. Which is why he never upgraded past a gramophone. For all he knew a boom box would literally go boom in his hands.

Another stomach grumble reminds Sorano of what he was about to do. Deciding his safest course of action is to simply be a dick and wake Kurusu up, he walks around the house in search of his room. Kurusu probably won't mind, and if he does it doesn't really matter. It's a better choice than the alternative. Which would basically be Sorano setting the house on fire by only touching the start button on the microwave.

It takes him a good five minutes before he's soundly concluded he's found Kurusu's room. Sorano made sure to check every room leading up to this one just to be sure it was the right one. Now he was standing before the door to his salvation. At least in matters food related that is. He knocks twice. Light knocks, but audible nonetheless.

When he doesn't get an answer he knocks a tad harder. Still not receiving an answer he starts to pound on the door as hard as possible. No answer.

 _It's possible they've already woken up and left the house. Though I doubt the kid would leave without leaving a note or something._

 _Logically this brings me to only one other conclusion._

"I hope you at least are using protection!" With this glorious war cry Sorano storms into the room. Instead of catching two young adults making passionate love to one another he encounters something even more disturbing. So much so that Sorano secretly hopes it's all a dream. Somehow he thinks Kurusu feels the same.

Currently he's tightly entwined by a sleeping Miia. It's literally a bone crushing embrace. It looks a lot like a python suffocating a rodent it's about to eat. The thought makes Sorano shiver. His exact thoughts on the matter are dryly summed up with one simple sentence. "It's too early for this shit." The words alert Kurusu to Sorano's presence.

A muffled cry is heard, but Sorano can't make sense of what he's trying to say. Though he assumes it's something along the lines of "help me!" Right now Kurusu's trying to save himself by any means possible. This includes jerking off the tip of Miia's tail. Sorano can't even begin to process what's going on. The moaning doesn't help.

Instead he slowly backs out of the room, closing the door behind him. Another muffled cry reaches his ears, along with something that vaguely sounds like a fracturing pelvis. It causes Sorano to feel a bit guilty so he decides to actually intervene in some way. Though his method of doing so, in hindsight, is probably not the best idea.

He rushes back into the room like Superman swooping in to save the day. Miia seems like she's at the point of no return. In less than subtle terms, it seems like we're almost at the climax of this story. With Kurusu's life hanging on the edge, and Miia, well, reaching an actual climax. Into this wonderful setting Sorano charges ahead. Despite every thought in his mind telling him this is going to be a bad idea, and that there has to be a better way to do this.

However no thought comes to mind as to an alternative, so instead Sorano goes through with his brilliant plan. It involves him simply attempting to push Miia off of the bed. This went about as well as one could imagine. Miia's weight made it near impossible, and the only result Sorano got was a terrifying crack from his back that ended with him hunched over in pain.

After taking a moment to recollect his posture he glanced at the ever worrying state of Kurusu. Sorano could see the kid's face turn purple. It would be funny if it weren't so scary. Still Kurusu struggled in his vain attempt at a tailjob. If it could be called that. Miia kept moaning, Sorano kept massaging his back, and Kurusu kept suffocating. It was an odd little beginning to the day.

Eventually Sorano decided enough was enough. He wasn't going to let this kid die the first day he was in charge of him. The room and meal plan was too good to pass up. So Sorano attempted a second plan of assault. This one almost as stupid as the first. Except instead of pushing he'd let gravity do the work. Trying to wake her up by shouting would probably have worked better. Unfortunately that rational idea was lost somewhere in Sorano's mind. His brain was still processing the hand motions on Miia's tail. That wasn't something he'd ever let them live down.

Sorano's next plan required a running start. So he prepared himself by backing up into the hallway. Then he again charged into the room, this time in a full sprint. It only lasted a few feet before he broke down into a fit of coughing. _I really need to get into better shape._ That thought graced his mind for a moment before he remembered his current problem.

Somehow Miia was still asleep. Blissfully unaware of all the pandemonium occurring because of her. Forgetting about the running start Sorano merely enacted his emergency plan. It involved kicking Miia as hard as possible. No this was not rocket science by any means.

The force of the kick pushes her tail slightly off of the bed, and from there the resulting mess can only be described as chaotic. The part of her that's off the bed ends up dragging the rest of her off, and this includes the tightly embraced Kurusu. She doesn't wake up until she's flailing off the edge, a loud screech and a thud are the start of her day.

Kurusu manages to wiggle himself free in the struggle and crawls out of the wreckage not as a triumphant hero, but as a scarred survivor. Sorano briefly considers if this could be considered domestic abuse. Not for long however as the dull cries of pain reach his ears shortly after. Both from Kurusu but also Miia. Apparently when she landed she hit the ground face first.

The entire awkward scenario is a far cry from what Sorano had expected, though really his expectations hadn't been that realistic, so instead of sticking around as the savior he had been he rightfully decides to sneak out of the room. Closing the door behind him he briefly thinks about how awkward the breakfast conversation will be. Next time he'd just toss a bucket of cold water on them.

About a minute later Kurusu exits the room. From his slight limp and hunched back Sorano can tell he's hurting from that snuggle session. Though the crick in his own back doesn't allow Sorano to feel much pity for his younger counterpart. The leg he used for kicking Miia had actually gone numb as a result. Rubbing it did little to help. Sorano really hoped he wouldn't have to go to a doctor because of this insanity.

Thus ended the First Cuddle War. With all three parties sharing their own battle wounds. If the small lump on Miia's forehead was anything to go by. She came out of the room a few minutes later. Kurusu had already started cooking breakfast. Despite the pain he was in he still managed to put on a smile. He'd greeted Sorano with a look of pure gratitude. Sorano had simply waved it off.

Miia had seated herself across from Sorano. She hadn't greeted him, nor had she said anything to Kurusu. It was obvious that she was embarrassed. It was also obvious that her head was killing her, if the temple massage was anything to go by. After doing this she glanced at Sorano from the corner of her eye. She had attempted to do so subtly, to avoid drawing his attention, but she severely underestimated his observation skills.

For her benefit, Sorano pretended not to notice. After this short interaction, Miia folded her arms on the table and buried her face in them. At first Sorano assumed she'd fallen back asleep, but the deep sigh from her confirmed she was awake. Sorano didn't try to make conversation with her, instead letting her be. They waited in silence for Kurusu to serve breakfast.

When the food arrived it was eaten in silence. Sorano had correctly predicted that this morning would be awkward. Twice Kurusu tried to start a conversation, but both times were answered by grumbles from Miia and grunts from Sorano. Miia picked at her food, while Sorano practically inhaled it. As such Sorano was the first to finish. He got up with a nod to Kurusu, washed and dried his own plate, and left the kitchen.

After his departure, he started to hear the beginnings of conversation between Miia and Kurusu. It was nothing more than a few mumbles from Miia answered by Kurusu. Sorano couldn't pick up the overall tone or context of the conversation.

Though he did pick up a brief part of what Miia said. "Darling, why are we eating first?" Followed by Kurusu saying something along the lines of "Sorano looked hungry." The huff from Miia following this response caused him to briefly consider the fact that he might have angered Miia. Having tossed her out of bed and whatnot. Interrupting her 'heartfelt' moment with Kurusu as well.

Sorano briefly considered this. Then he quickly shoved the thought aside. Smith had tasked him with doing the exact thing he had done. Well, maybe not the _exact_ way he did it. But the act was justified in Sorano's mind. It had possibly saved Kurusu's life too. Though Sorano wasn't sure about that exactly. The kid looked like he could have taken it.

The next thing Sorano decided to do was to bathe. He hadn't had a good bath in a while. Sleeping on park benches and in alleyways didn't allow for proper hygiene. However the fact that he was invisible allowed him to get by with missing a few baths here and there. His lack of a scent helped as well.

Maybe this is why some confused his species with ghosts. He lacked the intangibility part though, and he felt blessed that he did. It would have been a pain in the ass to not be able to touch things or be touched. Sorano figured not being ever able to look into a mirror was enough of a burden.

He grabbed a set of clothing from his room, along with a towel, and made his way to the bathroom. Said bathroom was gigantic. The tub itself would have allowed for a dozen Soranos to bathe at once. Sorano concluded it was supersized probably for Miia's convenience. It made sense considering how all the other parts of the house had were just as humungous in comparison. The room that housed the toilet was probably the most obvious example. It so spacious it could be considered empty.

Sorano glanced in the mirror as he undressed. Slowly watching how each layer of clothing stripped away made him less visible. No matter how many times he'd undressed and redressed in his life he never got over the surreal sight of disappearing. It terrified him a little to think about it. He always felt like he teetered on the edge of reality. Fading out of existence like this. It was a melodramatic way of looking at it, but Sorano couldn't help but contemplate over this as he undressed.

Doppel would have teased him over such thoughts. That caused him to fume. He didn't know why. Perhaps it was jealousy that had made his species hate hers. One was a kind that could be anything. The other was forced to remain as nothing.

Sorano shook all these negative thoughts out of his mind. This wasn't the sort of thing he needed to think about while doing something as mundane as bathing. He turned on the tub's faucet. Cold water started to spew into the tub. Sorano slipped into the water. At first he shivered slightly, the sudden change of temperature catching his body off guard. It didn't take more than a moment for him to get used to it though, and he began to casually relax in the tub.

After a few seconds he drifted off to sleep. Slowly sinking into the water and getting dangerously close to drowning. Thankfully the opening of the bathroom door woke him from his nap. Avoiding a rather pitiful demise.

In entered Kurusu. He glanced at the already filled bathtub, scratched his head in confusion, and looked around the room as if he were searching for an answer. Sorano sat in silence, debating whether or not to scare the kid. From behind Kurusu entered Miia. Her lack of dress caused Sorano to raise a figurative eyebrow. However Kurusu didn't notice her nudity until it was too late. She'd already began to press her breasts against his back.

The act startled him more than Sorano ever could have. If the sudden nosebleed he experienced was anything to go by. Sorano quietly watched this interaction go down. Not knowing whether or not to intervene like he did earlier. "Darling is the bath ready?" Kurusu, bless his soul, could only nervously stutter as he attempted to regain his senses. It was at this moment that Sorano decided he should properly enter the conversation.

With the biggest grin on his face he answered Miia's question. "Yeah it's ready snaky. But I'm afraid you'll have to wait your turn." The room was deathly silent. Kurusu stared in the direction of the tub, unsure as to how to respond. His mind connected the dots before Miia's though, realizing that Sorano was likely naked in front of them.

Miia raised an eyebrow, confused as to where Sorano's voice came from. She searched the room for him and, finding nothing, refocused her attention on Kurusu. Her Darling was currently freaking out. Trying to cover his eyes and wiggle his way out of the room. Miia, assuming this was because of her own nudity pried his hands away from his eyes and smiled at him. It was then that Sorano decided to speak once again.

"Ah, I get it. You two are exhibitionists. Listen, I'm not into voyeurism though, so could you get the hell out of here while I'm taking a bath?" With this being said Miia finally realized the implication behind Sorano's original statement. She glanced in the direction Kurusu had glanced at, looked back at Kurusu, and then started to blush profusely as she covered herself as best she could. With a shriek of "Pervert!" she exited the room as fast she could. Kurusu quickly following behind her, bowing and apologizing on the way out.

"Next time knock. I have a photographic memory, you know?" He tossed this final comment their way before busting out into a round of laughter. Or rather a fit of coughing. Followed by Sorano's best attempts at regaining his breath.

 _What a great start to the day._

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 **AN: Once again thanks for all the support you guys have been giving this story. Considering how awful I've been at updating this, it means a lot to see all these favorites, follows, and reviews. To King0fP0wers, I don't really have a specific age for Sorano. Though he is REALLY old in comparison to a human. If he were visible he'd probably look to be between his mid to late fifties, if that helps.**


	8. Monster a Go-Go

The day continued relatively uneventfully in Sorano's opinion. He had predicted Miia would try something fishy if Kurusu were to draw her bath. So instead of trusting a "horny snaky" he decided it'd be best to do that part himself. Part of him questioned why Miia wasn't capable of doing it herself.

He rationalized that it was probably because Kurusu, ever the loveable idiot, had said he'd do it for her. Most likely without even being asked. The kid was painfully oblivious as to how Miia would see such a thing. Instead of the pure intentions behind it she'd see it as Kurusu willingly placing himself in a situation where they could enjoy one on one time.

Sorano would have assumed Kurusu was secretly doing it on purpose. Playing with Miia's emotions and using the law as an excuse for his lack of commitment. He would have assumed that. But he saw that dumbass expression on the kid's face every time something remotely sexual or romantic happened. It was an innocent and naïve look. One that clearly told Sorano what he'd already assumed.

Kurusu was undoubtedly a virgin.

Sorano also decided he'd most likely read a porno or two in his life. His technique on Miia's tail spoke of experience. The kind of experience gained only through long tedious practice in the comforts of one's home. _This mental imagery is making me want to bleach my brain._ Sorano shook those images from his head. He didn't need his mind to be scarred any more than it already had been.

After telling Miia her bath was ready, which earned him a suspicious glance, he had tried his best to make a deal with Kurusu. "I'll draw her bath every morning as payment for the breakfast." It had been a simple offer. Nothing too extreme. If anything most would see it as too little payment. Kurusu was not most. The look of gratitude on his face told Sorano that no, this kid had no ulterior motive in intentionally putting himself in these situations.

If anything it scared Sorano. This is because it meant he'd have to protect a moron who didn't even know he was leading a girl on. While also having to worry about a girl who was far too pushy in her pursuit of romance. It was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Kurusu was too foolish to ever get into a relationship, even if the laws were changed. And Miia was so foolish she'd never give up on a relationship.

"So this is what it looks like when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object." Sorano released a loud sigh, currently he was walking behind Miia and Kurusu. They had all left the house in order to partake in the wondrous capitalistic venture that was shopping.

Originally Sorano had said he would be remaining at home. He'd rather be deported than have to run around with a girl shopping for clothes. No job in the world paid him enough to waste an afternoon on such a pointless task. But he had made a grave mistake. He had asked Miia what they were going to be shopping for. To his horror Miia had happily replied it wasn't just going to be shopping, but that it was going to be a full-fledged date!

Now Sorano knew there was no way he'd be able to excuse his absence to Smith. While a date itself wasn't illegal, with Miia's assertiveness and Kurusu's obliviousness it'd be like placing a bottle of beer in front of an alcoholic and thinking they wouldn't take it.

So this is why our fearless hero was currently walking behind two youngsters, grumbling all the while. "Motherfucking kids making me go along with this bullshit. Dipshit needs to just be castrated, it'd solve so many damn problems." The inane ramblings of a grumpy old man were ignored by the other two party members.

This continued for several hours. And it never ceased being awkward.

The most memorable scene was during lunch. Miia and Kurusu got a table for themselves. Originally Kurusu had offered Sorano a seat next to him, but the death glare he received from Sorano essentially ended his attempts at being polite. It didn't seem like any act of kindness, no matter how large, would win Sorano over at this moment. His was completely melancholic and hating the world for his current predicament.

Kurusu didn't like to see him like this, it definitely wasn't healthy, but the glare he aimed at them told Kurusu there was no hope for Sorano at this moment. Better to just let him be and hope he'll be ok in the end.

So instead of sitting with them Sorano sat at the table behind them. Which led to a wonderfully tense meal. Miia tried her best to liven up the atmosphere, but any attempts were crushed at the sight of Sorano. He was currently staring at them, not even ordering food or drink, just staring as they ate.

Three times a waitress approached him. Three times she was impolitely told various lines of profanity. Each time the vulgarity increased in how exotic it was. The first time was simple. "Go fuck yourself." The second was unique. "You're as ugly as a salad." But by the third time it had become exquisite in its complexity. "May you give birth to a centipede so you have to work for shoes your entire life!"

After that gem the waitress, bless her for her patience, had thrown her hands into the air and walked off. Eventually the manager was called. His attempts at getting Sorano to leave were met with "Suck butter from my ass".

At that point everyone simply decided to ignore the angry little man. Except for Miia. Unfortunately she was seated in a position that was directly in his line of sight. Kurusu had been lucky enough to face away from him. Even though Sorano's glare was strong enough to be noticed through his sunglasses, it wasn't very effective against the back of someone's head. Miia, poor Miia, was in his view. Which meant her meal was forever disturbed by Sorano's massive frown and blithering glare.

Like Kurusu she had attempted to appease him. Mistake number one. Don't indulge it. Sorano at this state was like a small child. Nothing but a timeout could save him. Miia did the opposite. She asked him if he was feeling alright. He told her exactly how he was feeling. It goes without saying, her appetite was ruined.

To his credit Sorano did avoid being a brat during the rest of the date. He let them take their photos in a photo booth. He was mildly amused at their antics at playing a crane game. For whatever reason lunch was the final straw. Perhaps it was because it was the most apparent situation reminding Sorano that he was a third wheel to this date. A third wheel that was necessary in order to keep balance.

Their relationship was like a tricycle. Except the third wheel wanted to become a unicycle and tell the other two to go to hell. While also occasionally returning in order to get a decent meal and lodging. Sorano was far from a reasonable man.

Anyway, the date was nearing an end. Sorano was secretly feeling guilty he'd been such an ass, yet he persisted in being such. Primarily because he wanted them to teach them the benefits of not fooling around. If they kept their hands to themselves Sorano wouldn't have to be here, and if Sorano wasn't here, well they'd all be much happier right now.

Miia and Kurusu stopped in front of him. Sorano glanced at the sign next to them, correctly assuming it was the reason for their halt. 'A Shop For All Sizes' with a portion of subtext underneath it 'We serve people of all species and sizes!' _So what, is this like the monster version of a big and tall store?_

Kurusu's expression changed into one of shock, telling Sorano something was afoul. When he finally caught up with them a quick glance into the store told him what the problem was. "This is a lingerie shop?!" Kurusu's shout echoed through the streets. Sweat started beading at his forehead.

Sorano looked into the store and saw various sets of bras and panties. He honestly didn't see the problem. Then he remembered his current job. "Well then I'll just wait he-" Kurusu's comment was cut off quickly by two voices. As well as Miia's tail wrapping around his neck.

Again Sorano vaguely questioned whether this could be considered domestic abuse. He had already concluded this was an unhealthy relationship. Especially for his health.

Miia had shouted out a resounding "No!" But it was matched in ferocity by Sorano's response. He had assumed she would protest so he had decided to throw in his support for Kurusu's comment. "Yup! Great idea, wish I could have thought of it first!" This resulted in a Mexican standoff of sorts. Both Miia and Sorano staring each other down.

Kurusu stuck in between them, currently gasping for air. Sorano decided he'd get a squirt bottle or something and teach Miia how not to physically assault her loved ones. "Ms. Smith said we had to be together all the time!" Miia threw this at both Kurusu at Sorano, but mainly at Sorano. It was supposed to end any room for argument. Instead Sorano saw it as a non sequitur. "We both know she didn't mean it like that."

Miia made an 'hmph' noise at this. "Then what did she mean?" Sorano stared at her for a second. Then he replied. "Why don't we ask her?" He pulled a sleek black smartphone out of his pocket and handed it to Kurusu. "Kid, can you get this thing running?" Kurusu looked at the phone. It was a brand new model, a phone that had come out only a few weeks ago. "Uh, where did you get this?"

Sorano snorted at the question. "Don't worry about it. Just figure out how to turn it on." Kurusu fumbled with the buttons for a second before powering the phone on. Miia watched, curious as to where Sorano was going with this. "You can call people with that right?" Sorano question spoke volumes about his lifestyle. He was far from a technological savant. "Yeah." Kurusu answered without really paying attention, he was currently focused on his task with the phone.

"Can you make it so we can all hear the other side?" Kurusu nodded an affirmative. "Good. Now call this number." Sorano repeated verbatim the phone number of Smith's personal phone. "How do you know her number?" Sorano gave Kurusu an amused grin. "You sure ask a lot of questions don't you, kid?" Since that all but confirmed his actual question wouldn't be answered Kurusu decided to just do as Sorano said.

Smith answered on the eight ring. "Hello? Who is this? How do you have this number?" Sorano cleared his throat before answering her. "Smith, its Sorano. I have a question." There was a pregnant pause from the other line. Then a reply. "A question? Sorano I'm busy right now can you call later?" Another pause as a few gears clicked in Smith's mind. "Wait . . . where did you get a phone?"

Sorano snorted at this. "You won't answer me but you expect me to answer you?" A sigh was heard from the other end. Then a response. "Fine, what's your question?" Sorano smiled at his success. "When you said Miia and Kurusu have to be 'together all the time' what did you mean by that?"

"Well I meant 'together all the time' is that difficult for you to understand?" Miia silently giggled at that. Sorano glared at her. "No, but we're currently in a situation where Miia wants to go to a lingerie shop. She insists on Kurusu going with her but that would be counterintuitive in my opinion. Considering the job you assigned to me."

There was another long pause. "Why . . . is this even a question? Can't you figure it out yourself?" She sounded completely flabbergasted. Kurusu sympathized with her a little. "Well I could tie Miia up with her own tail and cart her back home. But that would probably be counterintuitive as well."

A deep sigh came from Smith. "If it's that big of a deal can't you just go in the store with her instead?" Sorano practically had a heart attack from the suggestion. Then he almost had an aneurism when he realized it was probably the best idea. Miia looked like she had a similar reaction.

"Are you still there?" Kurusu was the one who answered Smith. "Yes, uh, I don't know if that'd be the best idea Smith." He was slightly alarmed by the pained expressions on his two companions' faces. "Oh hi Darling, how're you doing?" Smith seemed not to care about Kurusu's concerned tone. Or maybe she just didn't care about the state Sorano was in. That made sense considering he'd just interrupted her only break in the day.

"Good, I've been out with Miia and Sorano." There was a long 'ahhh' from the other end. "On a date?" Kurusu nervously chuckled at this. "Not really."

"I'll do it Smith." Sorano butted into their conversation. "I'll sacrifice myself in this despicable case of self-flagellation." Smith didn't really know how to respond to that, so instead she changed the topic. "You never said where you got the phone from?"

In response, Sorano went into full panic mode. "Kid hang up! Hang up! Hurry!" He started imitating the noise static makes with his mouth. "Smith- uh- we're- breaking . . . up- bye." "I can tell you're faking this." "Hang up already!" With a click the call was ended.

With it a conclusion had been made. Kurusu would be spared, Sorano would take his place, and Miia would be upset about it. Sorano didn't really care. The next fifteen minutes involved Miia trying on various underwear, Sorano casually suggesting pairs Kurusu might like, while Kurusu waited outside. The entire event made Sorano feel less masculine. But it was sort of karma for his surly attitude during lunch.

They left the shop with a bag full of underwear. Kurusu was forced to carry it. Sorano wasn't going to touch that bag with a ten foot pole. "Darling you should have come in too." "Uh, I was fine outside." At this Miia pouted. Sorano interrupted to save Kurusu from the dreaded expression. "Maybe next time. Or maybe when Kurusu goes shopping for his own underwear." Miia actually perked up at this. "Yay!"

This was met with a shocked "Whoa!" It caused the trio to stop in their tracks. Sorano was the first to turn around. The two individuals that met his glance made him wish he were Hellen Keller.

A man with a prominent wart on his nose, with a hairstyle that made him look like a trashy cosplayer of Cloud from Final Fantasy. He was even more overdressed than Sorano, and his attire told the story of a weak man that wanted to appear tough.

The woman was even worse. Her tan and outfit told Sorano she was a gyaru. An odd fashion trend that had popped up in Japan. Her facial expression told Sorano she was a bitch. "Holy shit, the hell is that thing?! It said 'Darling'!" The woman's voice hurt Sorano's ears in the same way fingernails scratching a chalkboard would.

"Oh my God! It looks so creepy and gross!" The insults of a kindergartener. It was somewhat amusing to Sorano. He might have been less amused had they noticed him first. In fact he might have responded like Miia had chosen to. By flinging her massive tail at them.

Sorano watched in slow motion as Kurusu jumped in front of the blow, taking the lash himself and sparing the two degenerates that were lobbing insults. Kurusu then justified his action by going into a grand spiel about how it was illegal for monsters to harm humans.

Sorano barely listened to it. He'd already decided that law was trivial bullshit he wouldn't abide by if push came to shove. Right now he was contemplating who pissed him off the most. Kurusu for being an idiot and jumping in front of Miia's attack. Miia for getting so upset she'd turn to violence. Or the two ugly ducklings that had nothing better to do than toss insults at strangers! Sorano decided that he was slightly pissed at all of them. But mainly the ducklings. They now had a special place in his heart.

At this moment things spiraled even further out of control. A crowd of onlookers surrounded them, phones out, ready to snap pictures. Sorano was slightly insulted they focused mainly on Kurusu and Miia, but that feeling quickly changed when he saw the anxiety on both of their faces. Then he remembered he was supposed to be the invisible one. He shouldn't want to be seen. Which did nothing but raise his own blood pressure.

The small mob continued to grow in numbers. They surrounded Miia and Kurusu, cutting Sorano off from them. He heard Kurusu say they shouldn't be taking photos. He heard Miia say they should stop. Then he saw them break into a sprint and flee from the scene. Leaving him behind to fend for himself. Luckily, a snake lady and her lover was more interesting than the weirdo in bandages.

The mob quickly chased after them as they ran away. Once they were gone Sorano was left in the dust. A lone child was his only company. Sorano glanced down at the kid. The kid glanced up at him. Then the little twerp pulled out a phone. And started to take a dozen or so pictures of Sorano. With the flash on. It was mildly annoying, but fortunately Sorano wore sunglasses. He would have probably had a seizure if he didn't.

He grabbed the kid's phone, snapped it in half, and then carefully handed it back to the now crying child. "Your parents are great, they're not even watching you." After sarcastically saying this to the bawling child he innocently walked away, whistling a merry tune as he went.

Now he had to find Miia and Kurusu.

Hopefully they hadn't gone anywhere too idiotic.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for all the kind words. It's nice knowing the last chapter was actually funny. I'm going to try my best to continue the laughs from here on out. Just wait for the full moon. I'll give you a little idea of how it's going to go down. Water balloons, squirt guns, and a fire hose. The girls are definitely going to get wet, but in a completely different way than they imagined.**


	9. Faceless

What would have normally been a peaceful evening for the average passerby had turned into one of utter chaos. Courtesy of the lovely gentleman referred to as Sorano.

"Where the hell are you two?!" He was rushing down the street, gasping for air, and rudely pushing aside anyone that got in his way. The normally calm street was filled with cries of protest as pedestrians chastised Sorano for his lack of manners. Sorano politely responded with profanity that'd make a sailor blush. Then he resumed his huffing and puffing, clearly indicating his lack of fitness.

Every once in a while between his cursing and raspy breathing he'd manage to scream out the names of his former companions. Desperately trying to find where they'd disappeared to. Inwardly he was suffering a minor panic attack, his chest ached from the speed at which his heart raced. The mere thought of having to tell Smith he'd lost Kurusu and Miia terrified him. No matter how much he wished it didn't, the idea of having to face her with such a failure was far less than pleasant.

Again he forced his way between a group of people. This time they were mostly businessmen dressed in suits, probably returning home from work. Some grunted in frustration at his behavior, a few even wasted their breath yelling at him. Sorano ignored their words, simply shouting them down with several choice words of his own.

In his head he was trying to remember if he'd seen any of those suits before. The possibility of them working with Smith was unlikely but in Sorano's panicked state it was almost guaranteed to be the case. He kept running, hoping to catch up with Kurusu and Miia before Smith did.

Sorano had traveled several blocks before he came across the first troubling sign that something had gone wrong. In fact he had almost collided headfirst with that sign. Wearing sunglasses at night wasn't the brightest idea, even if it kept the average person from staring a literal hole through him.

This 'sign' had ended up being a strand of yellow tape, blocking off the street in front of him. Sorano raised his shades atop his head in order to properly read the tape. "Police Line. Do Not Cross." After reading those words aloud Sorano felt a chill run through his spine. "Holy shit. They're dead."

Immediately he started thinking about the worst case scenario. "I'm going to have to start eating off the streets again!" He smacked the palms of his hands against his face several times. Trying unsuccessfully to vent his frustration. Then he turned his attention to the tape. Sorano pointed an accusatory finger at the police tape. "You're at fault for this! Not me!" He then started to attack the tape.

Again this was rather unsuccessful. In fact it even backfired quite substantially. The result of this temper tantrum was Sorano being tangled up in the police tape, subdued on the ground. All throughout this a lone officer watched Sorano and his shenanigans. A single thought had went through this cop's mind as he watched the madman. "I ain't being paid enough to deal with this shit."

Sorano hadn't even noticed the officer. He had instead focused his attention on the tape covering his body. He wiggled and shook around, slowly loosening his bonds. This continued for about a minute, the officer continued to look on at the scene in awe, sipping from a cup of coffee as he watched. The bicycle he apparently used for transportation situated underneath him.

Eventually Sorano broke free, he then stood up abruptly and brushed himself off. To complete the strange ceremony he offered a curt bow, facing away from the officer. The policeman didn't know how to respond, but he decided to simply clap for this wannabe Houdini who'd ruined his police tape.

Sorano jumped at the sound, he'd been focused more on the tape and his impending doom than his surroundings. He glanced behind him at the officer, who then decided to speak. "Great job with whatever that was." The cop actually grinned at Sorano. Sorano didn't really know what to do in reply. The officer continued to speak. His tone had quickly changed from congratulatory to scolding. "Now get the hell out of here before I arrest you!"

That gave Sorano a clear idea as to what he should do. He rushed out of that area as fast he could. He'd traveled a few feet down the street before deciding to turn into an alleyway. Upon rounding the corner he immediately leaned on the wall, his shoulders heaved as he panted for breath.

After regaining his breath he peaked around the corner to check on the officer. The cop's gaze met his own and told Sorano he'd need a plan if he wanted to get into that area. Luckily he had the perfect plan. After stripping down to nothing, Sorano simply walked right past the cop. However before he continued he made sure to tap the officer on the shoulder, just to mess with him.

While the officer was looking wildly around for what touched him, Sorano was making his way to the building he'd guarded. Once he read the name of it he almost laughed aloud. _Hotel Loveless? No way were those two dumb enough to run here._

He entered the building, earning a confused look from a cop stationed at the front desk. The doors opening on their own wasn't a common sight to see. Sorano ignored the man's baffled expression and continued into the love hotel. That's when he heard something incredible worrying.

A loud explosion rocked the building and the sound of the blast reverberated throughout the halls. Now it was Sorano's turn to be baffled. He stared at the hall in front of him with an expression that, if visible, would have been described as dumbfounded. A squad of police dressed in full riot gear stood in front of him. Normally the sight would have caused him to bolt away in a full sprint, but this time they were focused on someone else.

That someone must have done something really awful, as the police had blown a hole through the wall of their room. They pointed guns of all sorts at their newly made entrance. At this point Sorano kind of wished he had popcorn, he was certainly in for a good show.

The first thing that happened was the room next to the breached wall opened its door. A balding older man and a younger woman peaked out to see what had happened. When they saw the hole their jaws dropped almost simultaneously.

Sorano walked passed them and got closer to the hole. There he found the two that had ditched him. _Damn, they really are dumb enough._ Currently Smith was reading them some legal bull. _Well maybe I won't have to babysit them anymore if they're arrested. Shit, I won't get fed then!_ He suddenly had an idea as to what he had to do.

Sorano placed a hand on Smith's shoulder. He then inhaled a deep breath. He was going to try his best at this. He spoke in the deepest and most foreboding voice he could muster. It was akin to something one would hear in a scary ghost movie. "Kuroko~" He said her name in a singsong manner, in his best attempt to unnerve her. Smith only raised an eyebrow.

"You shall release these two! If not your family will face a curse for a dozen generations!" Sorano threw in his best bout of evil laughter in order to seal the deal on his act. Most of the normal officers looked visibly shaken by the apparently paranormal voice. Smith sighed. Then she smiled.

"Sorano, I'm surprised you actually care about what happens to them." A sputtering sound emanated from Sorano's position. He'd been caught in an instant. There was an awkward period of silence as he tried to come up with a proper snarky response. None came to him. Instead he simply asked in a timid voice "How?"

Smith smiled at his meek tone. "The officer out front radioed in to me. It didn't take much to figure out he was talking about you. After all you're the only 'suspicious looking man covered in bandages' that I know of." Sorano snorted at this. All thoughts of trying to salvage his ghostly façade were gone.

"Well then, you really need to expand your social circle." Smith merely smiled at this. A soft cough drew her attention away from the disembodied voice hovering over her shoulder. Kurusu nervously waved at her. "Ah, are we in any trouble?" Smith's mouth dropped when she finally recognized him. She realized the liminal beside him was Miia and put two and two together.

"Well if it isn't our little Darling. What's up?" Sorano practically burst into laughter at the nonchalant way she said that. As par for the course it ended in a coughing fit. The other police officers still seemed uneased by the odd invisible man, but the realization that this was all a false alarm served somewhat to alieve their tension.

Everyone else tried their best to ignore Sorano's current predicament, finally coming to understand that it was a common thing for him. He didn't blame them, and the look of concern in their eyes spoke volumes to him even if they didn't actually comment.

A few explanations later, and Smith was leading the two lovebirds and Sorano out of the building. She'd taken the situation rather well, all things considered. If anything Sorano's rant at the 'rude youngsters that left him behind' was more brutal than anything Smith said. She hadn't even been upset with Sorano.

Instead she was enjoying seeing him react in this way. He was obviously concerned for the two, just in his own grumpy way. It was a stark contrast from how he'd been when she'd first assigned him to Kurusu's household. In a few days he'd become much more animate. It was a side of him that Smith was pleasantly surprised to witness. It gave her hope that the suspicious liminal man could open up further. And perhaps help the Cultural Exchange understand his species better along the way.

Everything was going great. That was, until they ended up bumping into the two punks that had insulted Miia earlier in the day. Sorano stood by (still fully invisible) as they insulted Miia. He watched as Smith tried to tell them to stop. He saw Kurusu clench his fist in anger. Throughout it all he understood something.

"How sad." He said this in a voice so low it could almost be considered a whisper. However, the tone of his voice seemed to carry a powerful weight, and instantly it cut through the insults and criticism. Kurusu jumped from the statement. He'd been preparing to defend Miia from the bullying, but Sorano's words almost seemed to cut through him. In that moment Sorano had seemingly criticized all in the room.

The two punks for being petty enough to insult a stranger just based off of her appearance. Something Sorano (ever the armchair psychologist) had assumed was projection, probably the result of someone doing something similar to them once.

Smith, for being completely unable to control the situation immediately.

Miia for letting the words of bigots get to her so strongly.

And Kurusu for preparing to use violence for something so trivial, instead of being the bigger man.

But in reality, Sorano's words were directly only upon himself. For he had no idea how to react, and he didn't have an answer for how to solve this problem.

Conflicting ideas were tossed around in his head. A younger, more impulsive Sorano would have probably reacted like Kurusu wanted to. Immediately jumping to defend Miia's honor. But at his current age, Sorano wasn't quite so rash. He knew he had to be the bigger man, even as he felt he hated doing so.

He walked past Kurusu and Miia, slightly squeezing them on the shoulder to tell him he was there. Then he made his way to the hecklers. The room was eerily quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the shuffle of Sorano's steps. The two punks turned a shade of white at hearing the noise. To them it would have appeared as if some ethereal spirit was slowly proceeding upon them. As if some terrifying apparition was about to whisk them away from reality.

Sorano did something quite different. He embraced them. They immediately started to struggle against him. The fear was evident on their face. Then came the screams, then the threats laced with profanity, and finally the begging. Sorano was stoic throughout this. In that instant he understood them. They were loud and annoying, but on the inside they were truly fragile.

"Well I guess I tried." They clammed up at the sound of his voice. A squeak came from the woman's throat. Sorano's breath was tickling their faces. An awkward silence pervaded the room. It was something Sorano seemed to be skilled at creating. The other three occupants of the room were staring at this scene in confusion.

"So, uh, you guys wouldn't be visiting here to get it on, now would you?" He'd had a humorous tone to his question. It was clearly a joke. The people he said it too took it seriously. "We already did." It was the man that answered. His brain was clearly not functioning properly in order for that to be his answer. Or perhaps he was just slow.

Sorano didn't care. He just went with it. "Well then, you guys ready for round two?" A Cheshire grin was clearly on his face, even if it couldn't be seen. His two victims started to freak out even more.

They tried their best to push him away from them, and this time Sorano let them do so. If winning them over with a hug wouldn't work, than maybe shaking them up would teach them something. They sprinted away from where he was. Rushing past Smith, Kurusu, and Miia.

Smith raised an eyebrow in the general direction of where Sorano was. If she could see him, she'd see him nervously rubbing the back of his head. "Was that illegal?" She sighed. "Technically, no." Then she grinned at him and started walking away, gesturing for the others to follow. Sorano sighed, before following. He patted Kurusu on the back once he caught up to him. It startled Kurusu, before he realized Sorano was there.

"Sorry to steal your thunder. But you're a good kid. Don't waste your time on people like them." Kurusu smiled at him. "Thanks." Miia was giving a confused glance at Sorano and Kurusu from the corner of her eye. Sorano ignored it. Then he wrapped an arm around both her shoulder and Kurusu's.

It surprised both of them, but eventually they reciprocated the gesture. Thus the merry band of three made their way to Smith's car, ready to finally head home after a long day.

Before they entered Sorano remembered something. "Shit, I'm still naked."

It's safe to say both Miia and Kurusu quickly pushed their way away from him.

* * *

 **AN: One more chapter done! Thank you to all the people who reviewed, faved, and followed. Especially the reviewers. I'll be honest, this chapter felt a little less funny to me then I wanted it to be (given the scenario surrounding it) but hopefully it was still comedic enough.**

 **To the Guest who reviewed. I got two words for why Sorano's such a vulgar old man. Clint Eastwood. Specifically his performance in Gran Torino. That's my main inspiration for Sorano's character, along with a little bit of Bad Grandpa thrown in the mix. As for how he'll respond to Mero, well, let's just say there's going to be a little war over what's the best genre of literature. Tragedy vs. Horror.**

 **Also, a** **pologies to everyone if it feels like the story's progressing rather slow. I'm planning on making it all pick up rather fast with the next chapter. We'll be seeing the introduction of Papi, and with that a whole set of new problems for Sorano. And right after things were starting to look good for him.**


	10. The Birds

"So, you won't have to worry about a sexual assault charge." Sorano scoffed at Smith's remark. "As if I was worried." Smith smirked at this. Sorano knew what she was going to say, his posture immediately shifted from into a slouch and he covered where his ears assumedly were. "I don't want to hear it." Smith's smirk widened. "And I quote, 'was that illegal'."

Sorano, started shaking his head furiously back and forth, almost as if he were convulsing in a seizure. "I have no idea what you're talking about!" It was probably the most childish response he could have chosen, which made it even more humorous for Smith to witness. Maybe Doppel had a point? He certainly was melodramatic.

They were both sitting in Kurusu's house, having already made it back home. Smith had pulled Sorano aside and asked Miia and Kurusu to give them a moment. Originally she had been going to scold him for not only losing his two companions, but also sneaking into a possible crime scene naked. However the sight of a grown man bowing his head in shame lightened her mood considerable. It was an odd combination of endearing and pathetic, something that described most of the ridiculous actions Sorano had gotten into over the years.

She allowed him his moment of immaturity. If he were doing this a week ago she would have been irritated. But now she couldn't bring herself to be. This was the first time he'd stayed with a household for more than a day. Even if it wasn't that much more than a day. It wasn't much to go by, but it was progress in her books. So instead of face palming at his behavior, she let it slide, instead chuckling softly at his expense.

Smith then stood up, taking her leave of the bandaged man. "Take care, Sorano." He continued shaking his head, vaguely looking akin to a victim of demonic possession. She knew that wasn't the case though, she had files on all the demons in this area. Smith left the living room they were in, stopping by Kurusu's and Miia's rooms to say farewell. She then left the house, a Styrofoam cup of coffee in her hand. Sorano watched her go, continuing his demonstration until he started to get dizzy.

He'd gotten redressed, now wearing a simply bathrobe over his bandages. Pink slippers with bunny ears adorned his feet. He'd taken a bath while Smith talked to Miia and Kurusu separately. He didn't pry them for information. Whatever they spoke about was unimportant to him. Instead he'd enjoyed a bath before having to speak to Smith alone. With her gone, he told Kurusu and Miia he was going to bed, and went to his room.

He of course lied. _I'm a grown man. Grown men don't have bed times._ Instead of going to bed he locked his door and squatted down in front of the gramophone. A record was chosen, and a second later the sweet sound of Delta blues echoed throughout the room. "Ah, Mr. Morganfield, it was a pleasure to see you in Newport." Sorano tapped a finger against the side of his cheek as he reminisced. A pleased humming emanated from him as he did so. Then the grandfather clock began to chime, riling him from his memories. "It's a crying shame he's been gone for over thirty years." The thought dampened his pleasant mood.

"No matter." He clasped his hands together, a loud _clap_ cutting through the music. "Time to write." The rest of the night passed quickly. Sorano sat at his desk, continuing his journal entries. This night it was mostly a recollection of the day's events, instead of him wondering about the future. It was easier to write. He made far fewer mistakes, and as such there were far fewer crumpled balls of paper. Captain Planet would be quietly thanking him this night. Sorano didn't even realize he'd dozed off until he woke up the next morning.

With a tired yawn and a quick stretch he was up and about once again. The grandfather clock read eleven o'clock. He'd overslept quite a bit. Sorano left his room, absentmindedly scratching his ass as he walked out the door. The house was eerily quiet, Miia and Kurusu were nowhere in sight. This lead Sorano to only one conclusion. "They've been kidnapped by Al Gore." It was the only logical conclusion. Kurusu never recycled.

Sorano went to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup. A quick shifting of his facial bandages and he was able to drink it without making a mess. He could only happily sigh at the flavor. It was certainly a good way to start off his day. He sat down at the dining table. Kurusu had been kind enough to leave the daily newspaper at the table for him. Sorano hadn't asked him to. He personally didn't even enjoy reading the newspaper. But for whatever reason Kurusu had put it there for him. He wouldn't snub the guy.

Sorano thumbed his way through the articles, taking a sip from his mug every so often. This moment of peace and quiet lasted roughly two seconds. "Darling!" Frantic screaming greeted Sorano's ears. "Wonderful. I don't have to invade Tennessee now." Sorano ignored her wailing and continued looking through the newspaper. He couldn't really focus on the words though. Miia's scream had given him a migraine, and that did wonders for one's concentration.

"Darling this. Darling that. Why don't you shut up once in a while?" He said this even though he knew she couldn't hear him. Her voice had come from the floor above him. Still, it was cathartic to voice his complaints. Then he heard a sound that he dreaded hearing. The sound of scales sliding across the carpet. She'd already made her way down the stairs. Now she was heading right for him.

 _It's too early for this. I haven't even finished my coffee._ He did his best to ignore her as she ran (or rather slithered) up to him. _Maybe she's like a T-rex? I can probably evade her if I just stand still._ "Darling's been kidnapped!" _There goes that theory._ She was in his face without any warning. Frankly, it scared the shit out of him.

Sorano jolted back in his seat, knocking the mug of hot coffee over in the process. It poured its contents on his lap. There was a tense moment as both of them looked at the scalding hot liquid that currently covered Sorano's nether region. Sorano looked Miia straight in the eye. His mouth opened in a soundless scream. Miia broke into an incoherent jumble of apologies. Sorano broke into an incoherent jumble of profanity.

This lasted until the pain passed. Or rather, until Sorano got used to the feeling of third degree burns. He then promptly stood up and walked to the fridge. Salvation came to him in the form of an ice pack. It was placed rather uncomfortably right over his crotch. He didn't know what was worse, the scorching heat from the coffee, or the freezing cold of the pack. _Damn you Al Gore. Why didn't you take the snake instead?_

"We have to help Darling!" There was a painfully long moment of silence between them. Then Sorano turned to her. A terrifyingly wide grin could be seen underneath the gauze on his face. His hands were pantomiming the action of strangling someone. He did this for a solid thirty seconds before he appeared to calm down. Miia struggled to remain quiet as he did so.

Upon ending his subtle temper tantrum, Sorano placed the ice pack on the counter. "Alright, who kidnapped him?" The response he got was an unintelligible mess. "Aharpygirlwithbluehairstoledarlingshesgoingtoeathimweneedtosavehim!" A distinguishable frown appeared on Sorano face. "I'm sorry, but I'm not fluent in gibberish. Slow down and speak clearly."

"A harpy girl with blue hair stole darling she's going to eat him we need to save him!" _Wow, that's a perfect example of a run-on sentence._ "So, from what I understand, a blue-haired harpy girl grabbed Darling…uh Kurusu." Miia was nodding frantically before he even finished. "How big was this harpy?"

Miia pondered the question for a moment, thinking back to her brief glance at the girl. "She was kind of small, maybe an AA? An A at most." Sorano's shoulders slumped at the reply. He couldn't help but hide his face in his hands. "I didn't mean her bust size." Miia's mouth formed into a comically large 'o' shape.

Then she regained her composure. "I don't know she wasn't that big. She kind of looked like a child to be honest." For whatever reason that seemed to cheer Sorano up. He abruptly straightened his posture and started merrily whistling as he walked away. "Wait! What about Darling?!" Sorano waved her off as he walked back to his room. "Oh, he's dead. There's no way a harpy that size could carry him. He's probably a splat on the pavement right now."

Miia practically broke down into tears at the thought. "What if he's not dead? What if she's going to eat him?" She forced out those questions in between sniffles. They managed to reach Sorano before he shut his door. In Miia's mind the concept of 'eating' was probably born from a misconception about the Greek legends involving harpies stealing the food of evildoers.

In Sorano's mind the word 'eating' combined with the mention of the girl looking like a child and evolved into a disgusting image not even seen in the deepest corners of the Internet. "Why Japan? Why do you give me these thoughts?"

Miia was confused by his questions, Sorano interrupted her before she could ask what he was on about. "Is Kurusu into younger women?" The seriousness in which he said this startled Miia. She felt disappointed when she realized she didn't know the answer to his question. "I don't know?" She was unsure as to why he asked this.

Sorano had a reason for this question though. A very deep reason. _Fucking degenerate lolicon._ "Come. We cannot allow for this debauchery to occur." With that Sorano strode past Miia and straight out the front door. "We must preserve the innocent!" Whether he was talking about the harpy girl or Kurusu was up to debate.

* * *

"Hey you! Yeah, you! You see a bird lady carrying a screaming human around here?" "The hell?" Sorano shoved his way past another street goer. This was the eighth time he hadn't gotten a proper answer. "This is a pain in the ass." Voicing his complaints aloud was becoming quite therapeutic. "Keep up Snaky. You're slow as hell." Miia was lagging behind, trying her best to slither at the same speed Sorano was moving. It'd become a sort of game between them. He'd sprint into a short dash, leaving her in his dust. Then while he was gasping for air she'd slither past him, and the cycle would once again continue.

"At least I'm in better shape than you." Sorano's eyes narrowed behind his sunglasses. "I'm in perfect shape for my age." Miia couldn't help but scoff at that. "Only if you're like a hundred years old." Sorano's face became a wide grin despite the apparent insult. "I wish I was that young." Miia had to do a double take to make sure she'd heard that correctly. "Wha-?"

"Hey you! Yeah, you! Have ya seen a bird lady carrying a guy lately?" Finally Sorano's luck seemed to appear. The confused woman in front of him could only point in the general direction of the park upon hearing the bandaged man's question. "Thank God." He nodded at the woman before strutting towards the park. "Snaky, the kid's over here." That shook Miia from her daze, she rocketed past Sorano and in the direction of the park. "Hey wait up! Don't do something nuts!" _Damn youngsters._ Sorano tried his best to catch up to her. His best wasn't good enough. He only made it in time to hear Miia's outburst.

"There you are!" Sorano squinted to get a better view of what was happening. "My God. I'm too late." What he saw wasn't pretty. A little girl, completely naked and currently straddling Kurusu in the park's water fountain. The sensual saxophone music playing in his mind didn't help Sorano give Kurusu the benefit of the doubt at all. Kurusu slowly turned to look at Miia upon hearing her voice. The sheepish expression on his face didn't make him look any less guilty. "Y-you birdbrain! First you stole my Darling, and now this?!"

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?! Grab him and let's go before Chris Hansen shows up!" Sorano's yelling was ignored. At least by Miia. Kurusu looked to him, eyes begging for salvation. It would come. In the form of an out of shape old invisible man that slowly stumbled into the scene. Well, maybe not. As aforementioned invisible man was refusing to look up at what was happening before him. Instead he kept his eyes clearly glued to the concrete ground. _I'm not going to jail for this. Not this. Anything but this._ He flailed around like a blind man, his arms outstretched to get an idea of where he was going. He ran into more than a few of the people in the crowd surrounding the water fountain.

At this point Miia and the harpy were about to go all 'anime duel to the death' on each other's ass. Meanwhile Sorano finally made it to the fountain, only to trip and fall into it alongside Kurusu. He thrashed around in the water while Miia and the harpy started reenacting softcore porn. Kurusu didn't know what to do. Should he stop the two girls from exposing themselves to the world? Or should he help Sorano who currently appeared to be drowning in only a foot of water?

The choice was taken out of his hands when the voice of a small child cried out for help. "Mama!" Immediately the crowd that had been participating in voyeurism moved to a nearby tree to gawk at a little girl dangling from a branch. Of course none of them did anything to help besides tell each other to call the authorities. Kurusu scrambled out of the fountain. Then he quickly ran back to it to pull Sorano out of the water. The bandaged man gasped for air. "I…could see the light. It was beautiful." Ignoring the man's apparent brush with the afterlife, Kurusu pondered what to do to save the little girl. Oh, and he also rushed to dress the two naked girls standing next to him.

"Well would you look at that. There's a human child in a tree. Didn't think you guys were a climbing species." The only one who appeared to be unfazed by it all seemed to be the guy who'd practically died in a puddle. "Well, it's not our problem. Let's head home." And just like that he said something he really shouldn't have. The crowd that had been looking up at the stranded girl shifted their eyes to him. Their looks of concern replaced with malevolent glares, crucifying the man for being so cold. Said man could only shrug in confusion. "What? It's her parents fault for not watching her."

Glares intensified. A mob was beginning to form, ready to thrash this apathetic fool. Kurusu tried his best to play referee. Really he did. He pushed his way in front of Sorano, and started valiantly declaring how they should focus on saving the little girl and ignore the man who was seemingly content with condemning her to her fate. _Holy shit, it's just a tree man. I could probably jump up and grab her if I wanted to._ Sorano snorted at the entire situation. Not really caring how it would end up. Then he happened to glance at the harpy. For whatever reason an odd piece of trivia came to him about how birds had hollow bones that were lighter than those of humans. An even odder idea formed in his head.

"Fly like an eagle you fucking loli! Fly damn you!" With a toss that mirrored that of a javelin thrower's, the harpy was launched into the tree at superhuman speeds. Unfortunately Sorano's aim wasn't as good as his throw. _Crack!_ And just like that the harpy became an ornament firmly plastered to the tree's trunk. "Damn that looks like it hurt." The nonchalant way Sorano said this didn't help him gain any brownie points from the crowd. They quickly went back to giving him death glares once they got over the shock. Fortunately Sorano's harebrained idea managed to work. Albeit really indirectly. The impact of the harpy's collision shook the tree, and because of this what little grip the little girl had slipped. She proceeded to plummet to her death.

That wasn't exactly what Sorano had in mind, but hey, he got her out of the tree didn't he? Somehow the loli harpy slid down from the trunk simultaneously, flipping through the air and managing to grasp the little girl during her descent. Now they were going to die together. Or at least suffers some bruises. Lo and behold, there was another would-be hero in the crowd. One who actually gave a shit.

Kurusu rushed forward to save them. Sacrificing his very body to provide a cushion for their fall. It worked. Somehow it worked. It also provided an excellent crotch shot to reward Kurusu for his efforts. Unfortunately he couldn't really bask in its glory on account on him seeing stars. There was some cheering and clapping as a result of the successful rescue. While this was happening Sorano relieved himself in the fountain that he'd nearly drowned in. There's never a bad time to take a leak. Especially if you pissed off everyone already. Luckily for him he managed to finish before the cop pulled up.

"Well, look who finally showed up." The cop's eyes were practically bulging out of his head when he recognized the man in front of him. "I…uh…heard there was a kid stuck in a tree around here?" Sorano took a seat at the fountain. "They took care of it already." Sorano pointed at the harpy and Kurusu. They cop made his way over to them in order to offer his congratulations. Sorano started to nod off as he waited for this all to be over with. Then something stirred him awake. A terrible sentence. A declaration that would ruin his life. "I'm her host! They're **both** assigned to my household!" Any semblance of exhaustion he had was gone the second he heard those words. Sorano bolted from his seat and rushed at Kurusu. "KID?! I know you didn't just go and do that?!" Nearby cop or not, someone was about to be strangled.


	11. And Now the Screaming Starts!

"Okay then, can you just show me your certification?" Luckily (unluckily in Sorano's opinion) he hadn't gotten close enough to Kurusu to start throttling him before the officer asked that question. Inwardly Sorano started doing his happy dance. Then Smith seemingly teleported to their location, arriving completely out of left field without any warning. That could only mean one thing. Sorano was screwed. "No problem, I've got that right here."

Sorano only had one response to that. "Objection!" He pointed his finger accusingly at Smith. Her sunglasses slipped down to her nose, revealing her perplexed expression. "Excuse me?" "There's no way you could possibly have gotten that so quickly." A smug grin plastered itself on Sorano's face. Somehow still noticeable despite being covered by bandages. He crossed his arms confidently. _Checkmate biatch._ When Smith pulled the card out Sorano almost collapsed in shock. He managed to resist though, instead scowling deeply at the object in her hand.

* * *

The ride back home was uncomfortable. The seemingly autistic harpy was way too excited. Because of this his she was spazzing out the whole ride back, constantly elbowing the person next to her. Sorano was unfortunately that person. He'd insisted on it. Muttering something along the lines of "Can't let a pedophile sit next to the retard. Don't know what would happen." It took Kurusu a few seconds to realize he was the one being labeled a pedophile. That didn't help his self-esteem any.

The entire trip was awkward. Kurusu looked quite ashamed. Sorano looked constipated. Miia looked like she was going to flip out. Smith looked like she wanted something stronger to drink than coffee. All were deathly quiet. Except the blue harpy apparently named Papi. She was ecstatic and made no attempt at hiding it.

Sorano eventually decided it was best to have grown-up talk. "I will now begin to list my demands." A smile grew on Smith's face. "Demands?" Sorano looked at her in the backseat mirror. He appeared to have gotten serious. "I want a raise." Smith couldn't help herself, she laughed. The harpy joined in without knowing why she was laughing. She quickly shut up when Sorano looked at her with a copy of the look he'd given Miia after the coffee incident. Smith continued, ignoring the possibility of a homicide occurring in the backseat. "You haven't even gotten your first paycheck?!"

Sorano put on his poker face. It was a rather good one too. "Raise, or bonus. One or the other." Smith couldn't help but question him. "Do you even know how much you're going to be paid?" Crickets chirped in the backseat. No, Sorano had no idea how much he was going to be paid. He hadn't really paid attention to it. Now it was biting him in the ass. Smith had to continue. She needed to slaughter him. Metaphorically of course. There was a limit to what she'd put up with. Sorano was getting dangerously close to pushing that limit.

"What makes you think you deserve one?" Smith's tone was equal parts condescending and curious. It seemed to her that Sorano was simply doing this out of spite. She wasn't exactly incorrect with that assumption. The look Sorano gave her in the mirror spoke volumes. His answer was wordless, but that didn't take any weight away from it. _You don't know what kind of shit I deal with. My 'job' is to give this kid blue balls._ "You're adding more on my plate. That means you pay me more."

Smith snickered at this. "Or? I could deport you." A frown formed on Sorano's face at the not-so-subtle threat. "You didn't deport the harpy." Smith tutted at him. "Believe it or not she's been less of a pain than you." Miia couldn't help but chuckle at that. She once again was granted the Look. She too shut up, sitting next to Papi, both of them perfectly still.

"Also, I want a pipe. A Peterson. Briar wood, obviously." He said this as if it were common knowledge that briar wood was most often used for making pipes. It wasn't. No one in the car even knew what the hell a Peterson was. "I would appreciate it if you could acquire some tobacco for me as well." Kurusu was the one who replied. "You smoke?" Sorano turned to look at him, his expression unreadable. "I quit several years ago." _Well, 'several decades ago' would be more accurate._

"It's not a good habit to pick up again." Smith frowned at Sorano from the mirror. She spoke as if she had experience with such a thing. He grunted in response. "With all the shit I'm dealing with, I'll need something to give me a buzz." Smith scoffed at him. "I guess you'd be an alcoholic if you had my job then." Sorano just shrugged. "Probably would." His tone was completely honest, something that threw off everyone in the car.

There was a momentary pause, and then Smith replied, her tone unsure. "As much as I don't want to, I can probably get you a pipe." She couldn't help but sigh, she felt like she was enabling the man. He still had those periods of coughing that uneased her. Starting up smoking again wouldn't do him any good. There was no arguing with him though. He was dead set on this. For some reason.

"And tobacco?" Another sigh from the front seat. "Sure." "How 'bout a lighter too? A Zippo." Smith merely grunted at this. At this point everyone else in the car had gotten bored with Sorano's list of demands. Papi had already nodded off. "Gold-plated please. Oh and stick some diamonds on it, Sorano likes his bling bling."

Smith slammed on the brakes. The car skidded to a complete stop, right in the middle of the road. More than a few cars honked their horns in protest. Smith ignored them all, and instead of moving she was violently tapping her index finger against the steering wheel. This entire car ride he had been teetering dangerously close to the edge. For years he had played with her mental health. He enjoyed tormenting her, but he'd always show some semblance of compassion and earnestness at the last second, just before she snapped.

That was Sorano's way. He played with people. Skipping over their boundaries. Swapping back and forth between hated and loved. Social norms meant nothing to him. Bluntness and apathy were his greatest weapons. He was a master at the art of annoyance. But he usually was capable of holding back. Of knowing when to stop, when enough was enough and his target was beginning to break. Now however, Sorano had made an egregious error. He had pushed the joke too far.

"So, uh, is that a no on the bling bling?" Of all the times to speak, for some reason Sorano had deemed it fit to comment at that moment. Smith's head slowly turned to face the backseat. The angle at which it turned caused a different reaction for each of her passengers.

Miia was currently wondering why they couldn't just drive home in peace, instead of having this ridiculous conversation.

Papi was just starting to wake up from the sudden stop. And what a sight to wake up to. A woman wrenching her neck at an odd angle, glaring daggers, and frowning deeply.

Kurusu had started worrying Smith was going to end up having a pain in her neck. Turning one's head that suddenly couldn't be healthy. Sadly Smith already did have such a pain. It even had a name. Sorano.

Said neck pain was wondering if Smith had become possessed. The way in which her neck twisted reminded him of the Exorcist. _She can't seriously be pissed with me over this? This is nothing compared to when I called her a failed abortion of a Matrix reference._ Sorano made one mistake. He was thinking back to a time when Smith was simply a government worker. She was no longer just a simple government worker. Now she was an overworked government official.

"You'll get whatever's at the convenience store." Sorano raised his hand in the air. As if he were in kindergarten asking the teacher a question. "Can I have lighter fluid too?" Smith's frown grew in intensity. "I'll fill it up for you. I'm not giving you excess flammable liquid without supervision." Sorano just grunted at her. "Like I don't know how to fill a lighter on my own. I was smoking when you were just a sperm cell in your father's balls, human."

If he hadn't said this, the car might have started to move again. Instead Smith put it in park. Then she unbuckled and turned completely around in her seat. In this position she had a clear view on the bandaged man. He was pouting like a child, or at least she assumed he was judging from the contours of his mouth. Oh, and he was holding Kurusu in front of him like a shield.

Obviously Miia had something negative to say about this. So did Papi for that matter. Though she was taking it as more of a game. How did Sorano respond to Miia's complaints? He grabs her by her left breast (as it was the largest and closest object in his general proximity). For some reason grabbing her boob caused it to squeak like a dog's chew toy. Odd. Miia couldn't help but utter a startled squeal at the unwanted physical contact. Thankfully the squeal Miia let loose wasn't one of delight. That would have been awkward. However, that wasn't the end of her discomfort. Sorano had grabbed her for a reason besides mere sexual assault. He needed a projectile.

Had Miia not unbuckled in order to lay the whoop down on Sorano she might have been completely fine. Instead she was launched at Smith's with a surprising amount of force. She collided head first into Smith's forehead. This in itself would have been infuriating for both participants, however the situation was exacerbated when a fellow motorist started pounding on the driver's side window.

Apparently the man had gotten tired of honking and had decided to actually confront the idiot who parked in the middle of the road. A ballsy move indeed, the vehicle was clearly a government one, and yet the man still had the courage to criticize Smith's stupidity. If the windows weren't tinted he would have had a clear image of what was going on inside. And what was going on?

Well Miia was currently pressed firmly against Smith, they're lips practically touching. Smith was trying desperately to move Miia away from her. Something that was easier said than done when you consider that not only did Miia weigh a ton, but they were in a vehicle. Which didn't exactly allow for Smith to wiggle herself out from under the dazed lamia.

Papi was trying to playfully peck at Sorano's hand. Albeit without a beak she wasn't really doing much in the way of pecking. Regardless, her feathers were definitely ruffled. Kurusu was suffocating in Sorano's chokehold, just like Smith he was stuck in a predicament he couldn't really escape from.

And Sorano? Well he was laughing. Very much so. He was also coughing. Very much so. "Oh, and give the kid a raise too. He deserves it!"

* * *

Upon arriving home everyone silently rushed to depart the vehicle. Smith didn't even wait for a farewell, instead immediately going into reverse and gunning the car back out of the driveway. Sorano just had enough time to blow her a kiss goodbye.

"Well, that was fun." "Speak for yourself." Miia's exhausted sigh hinted at the mental state she was in. Kurusu tried his best to stay optimistic. His best was a forced grin. Only Papi was capable of being cheery, completely forgetting the disaster that was the ride home. The girl was practically jumping in excitement.

She was also cheering like the most fanatic of football fans. Sorano had long since stuffed gauze into his ears to mute the screaming banshee. Correction. Screaming harpy. _She's definitely got a few screws lose. Then again don't all harpies?_ Sorano couldn't help but shudder when he remembered the last time he'd encountered a harpy. _And that is why I will never go skydiving again._

The group filed into the house one by one, Papi charging ahead of them. "Smith never even confirmed this was her new home." Miia couldn't help but sigh again. Things were going to get even more hectic. "I'm sure that's what Smith had intended. She wouldn't have left her with us if she didn't." Sorano couldn't help but metaphorically raise an eyebrow at Kurusu's reply.

One question was in his mind. _Why is he allowing this?_ To anyone else, the answer would be simple. Kurusu was just that kind. But to Sorano, Kurusu's words rekindled an old suspicion. _He's slowly building a harem!_ Yes. That was his first conclusion. Unfortunately it was actually the reality of the situation. This was an unforeseen consequence of Kurusu's kindness. He was the dreaded harem protagonist. Girls clinging to him constantly, but perpetually oblivious to their feelings. The man was in limbo.

"I'm going to be able to be with my husband! All the time!" A choking sound came from Sorano. Papi was clinging to Kurusu, nuzzling her chin into his shoulder. Kurusu, bless his poor soul, was completely dumbfounded. The sap didn't know how to respond, so he just awkwardly scratched his head. "Let's take a bath, husband! We can continue from where we left off earlier!" Sorano practically fainted. Things were escalating far too quickly.

There was a sudden silence in the room when both Papi and Kurusu realized Miia was probably going to harshly object to this. _Yes, Miia, lay your husbando straight!_ Sorano's hopes were dashed when Miia responded. "Sure, go ahead! Have fun with Papi, Darling!" A dazzling smile adorned her face. "SHE GAVE CONSENT?!" Sorano's anguished cry shattered any pleasant mood the room might have been in.

The bandaged liminal marched right up to Kurusu. "Call this number!" He handed his requisitioned cell phone and a slip of paper to the stunned human. "Ok?" Kurusu couldn't help but glance at the number in his confusion. "Wait… isn't this child protective services?!"

"You're damn right it is, you kiddy fiddler!" Sorano was upset. Really upset. So upset, that wasn't even going to give Kurusu the benefit of the doubt. The entire thing was one huge misunderstanding. For one crucial reason. One that was going to become known.

The phone started vibrating. Kurusu hadn't made a move to call anyone. Sorano didn't even know it was on. The number was familiar. It was the one they had called when consulting Smith over who should enter the lingerie store. Kurusu took it from Sorano's grasp and placed it to his ear, answering it as he did so. "Smith?" There was an audible sigh of relief from the other end of the phone, even though it wasn't on speakerphone. Then a single, loudly declared sentence. "Thank God you're not Sorano."

Before he could even comment on that insult, Sorano was shushed. Miia and Papi had grouped up around the phone, and the lamia really felt that whatever Smith was saying was probably going to be more important than any verbal diarrhea Sorano might spew forth. She was so very right. Kurusu listened to what Smith said. The others, being unable to hear her, merely looked on in curiosity.

Finally Kurusu nodded, and he handed the phone to Papi. Papi immediately started chattering into the phone, but she too was hushed by Miia. She spent all of two seconds listening to Smith before she dropped the phone and started cheering in joy. She grabbed Kurusu by the elbow and led him to the bathroom. The next person to pick up the phone was Miia. Smith talked to her for less than ten seconds. All she did was utter one sentence and Miia had rushed at the harpy who had stolen her beloved.

Sorano bent down and gingerly touched the phone. By chance he managed to put it on speakerphone. "Miia? Where'd you go?" Sorano just scratched his head. He briefly considered ignoring Smith and following Miia to stop any child abuse from happening. The next two sentences from Smith stopped him cold in his tracks. "Did you hear me? I said Papi's the same age as you."

Sorano couldn't help but let his jaw drop. "She has a petite body, but that's for the sake of flying. She's a lot older than she looks." Sorano simply walked away from the phone as Smith continued to babble about useless things like harpy biology. "Legal lolis?" He then proceeded to fall to his knees. "Isn't that an oxymoron?" Sorano started pounding his head on the ground in frustration. "What kind of sick twisted fetish porn am I in?!" If Kurusu was in limbo, it could be said that Sorano was in hell. At least in his opinion he was. "I better at least get my bling bling!"

* * *

 **AN: Wow this story almost has as many follows as my older one. That's kind of amazing when you consider that this story isn't exactly that long and the updates are so infrequent. Thanks for all the support, guys, it means a lot. I have to once again thank all the reviewers for their kind words. Oh, and to answer Overtale's question, well Sorano's age is kind of up to speculation. Like I said in a previous chapter, if he were visible he'd look to be about fifty. In human years he's probably at least a hundred (hence his familiarity with gramophones and whatnot), though I've been humoring the idea of making him even older. I'll leave it up to you guys as to how old Sorano is.**

 **His species is also highly debatable. He could be an alien, or a ghost, or even some weird chameleon man relative of Miia's. Heck, he could even be some weird variation of a Shapeshifter. He's an Invisible Man, that's it. (Or a 'Cloaker' in the records of the Cultural Exchange.) I was thinking about implying his species was responsible for the gremlin myth (hence his failure to use electronics) but lo and behold there are gremlin monster girls. Apparently Monster Musume has an online game that's entirely in Japanese. It's got everything from ghosts to freaking Easter bunnies. They even made a waifu Mothman. What the hell. Regardless, I rather like the idea of Sorano's species being this unknown imposter that's secretly been pretending to be other species throughout history. It fits Sorano being a slight kleptomaniac, he's even stolen the feats of other species. Let me know what you all think.**

 **Oh, and one last thing before I end this atrociously long AN. I'm running out of old horror/slasher/monster movies to use as titles! Suggestions would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


	12. Curse of the Faceless Man

"Where the hell have you been?! I've been watching these dipshits all day!" It's never a good idea to enter a lion's den. In this case that lion had a name. Sorano. Kurusu had miscalculated badly. He shouldn't have knocked on the front door. He should have snuck in through the window. "Who the hell is this? Why's her tits so big? Did she use all the sillicone they had in stock?"

* * *

The day had been rather uneventful for Sorano. Well, perhaps that wasn't exactly true. He'd been stuck on babysitting duty. This time he was merely covering for Kurusu, making sure the two younger liminals of their household didn't completely trash the place. It seemed fair. Kurusu would do the shopping, while Sorano would be akin to a stay at home dad. They'd split up the responsibility in order to ensure things ran smoothly.

When he'd first suggested the idea, Sorano was merely trying to wiggle his way out of grocery shopping. Unfortunately he worded it wrongly. Kurusu had been grateful, even though Sorano was essentially just getting out of doing work. So he spent the day feeling incredibly guilty. Then worried when the human hadn't returned for hours. Then pissed when the girls started whining. Then terrified when he tried to cook to shut them up.

Terrified because he'd accidentally spilled oil on the stovetop. The resulting explosion set his bandages on fire, and if not for Miia's quick thinking he would have likely set most of the house aflame. It didn't make the burns hurt any less.

Luckily Sorano was invisible, so no one would tell that he was disfigured. Not even he could tell. Still, it didn't help his mood. The girls had continued to whine. He had eventually snapped, but before he could proceed to beat them to death with a frying pan the doorbell had rung.

And who was there to greet him? The guy he'd worried about for the past eight hours. Standing with a dopey grin on his face next to a buxom blonde female centaur.

"Brought home more pets I see. I saw a stray cat in the alley across the street. Why don't you go rescue it? Certainly don't have nearly enough pussy in this house." These were the sorts of comments Sorano started making. It was a passive aggressive means of blowing off steam. He whispered them in Kurusu's general direction, unheard by the other inhabitants.

Why did he do this? Well, because he'd been thoroughly throttled by the centaur as soon as she heard his first comment at the front door. Now he was being a little more careful with his snide remarks. Fake sword or not, it still hurt like hell.

After beating him like a punching bag, the centaur and Kurusu had gone inside to dress Kurusu's wounds. Something about Kurusu taking a hit meant for her, blah, blah, blah. They walked over his beaten form. The centaur not even sparing him a second glance. Kurusu had stopped to check on him, apologized profusely (not that it helped much) and offered to cook dinner.

His response from Sorano? A mumbled series of expletives, unfit for pure ears such as Kurusu's. The two of them had gone off and had a heart to heart, leaving Sorano to nurse his own wounded pride.

Miia and Papi had come out of their rooms, only to be greeted by the sight of Kurusu's hand pressed tightly on a centaur woman's breast. Hence the following complaints:

"Husband, I'm hungry! Mr. Bandages sucks at making food!" The flapping of wings was complimentary to this first one.

"What?! Darling, you brought another woman home?!" And this one came with the slinking of scales.

Sorano sighed. At least the kid would have to deal with their whining. He'd grown sick of it. He walked past them, returning once again to his room. It'd been a bad day. _It was hard enough with just the snake, then he brought the harpy, and now a centaur. What next? A goddamn orc?_ Days like this reminded Sorano of how old he was, and he hated that.

"D… did she say 'Darling'?! Who are these woman thou adulterer?!" Hooves clomped against the floor in the other room.

 _What's the alternative? Deportation? Would Smith really do that?_ Sorano sat in his velvet chair, lost in his thoughts. _Then again… it has certainly been entertaining._ That was one way of putting it. His time with these people had drained him physically and mentally, but it kept him busy.

Hadn't that been his main issue with life in this country? Wandering the streets was only fun the first two or three times he'd ran away from his homestay. Nowadays it barely killed an hour or two before Smith cracked down on him.

"Huh?! Darling, you're hurt!"

"And I'm hungry!"

 _Is that why I'm somewhat unnerved of the thought of being deported? I could end up anywhere. I could end up somewhere even lamer. Or worse. She could send me to somewhere I've already been!_ Images of the African Serengeti, Paris, and Moscow flew through Sorano's mind. The one fatal flaw of being well traveled. Once you've been everywhere there's nowhere else to go.

"Caught between a rock and a hard place." He sighed, and rubbed his face with the palm of his hand. Despite it all, he couldn't help but smile. "These guys are characters." It was a comment that could be taken either in a negative or a positive light. In essence Sorano was implying a little bit of both.

A knock came at his door. "Come in."

The door opened, and there was Kurusu. "Uh, dinner's ready." Sorano got up instantly. Walking to the door like a man on a mission. Kurusu barely had time to move out of the way. _Well, the food is really good._

"Listen up! Now that I'm here, things shall be different!" _Oh, no. I can already tell I'm not going to like her._ There was only one thing he could do. He had to appease her. Knowing Kurusu this wasn't a temporary gig. The centaur would likely be here for some time. She'd probably also fall in love with Kurusu. And of course Sorano would have to keep her off of him. _Maybe I can ask for another raise?_ The memory of yesterday's events gave him the impression that it'd be a bad idea.

"First, we must always regard our Master with the highest esteem and care." _'Master'? Gee willikers, I wonder how that nickname came to be?_ Sarcasm laced even his thoughts. He momentarily turned to size up Kurusu. The man didn't seem any different from before. Still, there was still the possibility that they'd done something while he was watching the house. _Would I get fired if that happened? I mean, Smith never mentioned anything about a centaur._ He hadn't even gotten his first paycheck. Hell, he was still waiting on that pipe.

"But I'm always thinking about my Darling!"

"Papi, too!"

They hadn't noticed him. Nor had they noticed the subject of their conversation. The look on his face was quite pitiful. Clearly he didn't enjoy the topic they were on. Or perhaps he merely had his own response to them but was unable to properly enunciate it. _Guy's too much of a pushover._ Sorano snorted in dissatisfaction. He'd have to fix that. But first. Groveling time.

The centaur noticed him, and immediately stiffened. Clearly she was irritated by his presence. It made sense. It hadn't even been an hour since Sorano had insulted her. Granted, she'd surprised the ever living hell out of him. And not in a good way. No, her presence had surprised him in the same way a physician telling him he had terminal cancer would surprise him.

She looked away from him, an attempt at ignoring him. Now that was certainly rude. _At least I'm not getting hit_ , Sorano thought bitterly. He couldn't allow this. Centaurs had relatively decent memories, at least in comparison to harpies, and he didn't need to deal with some hormonal woman's grudge against him.

He bowed. Low. The movement brought with it a popping sound. He hadn't thrown out his back, but he'd gotten dangerously close to. "Forgive me for my behavior earlier. Today has been most… frustrating."

Silence. A bead of sweat dripped off from his nose and landed on the floor. He didn't dare look up. This was beyond embarrassing. But it might win him some brownie points. With everyone. Being antagonistic was his style, but if he was too harsh he'd end up making them legitimately dislike him. Normally Sorano wouldn't give a shit, but his current predicament was different than usual.

The centaur smiled at him cautiously, still wary over his intentions. "Think nothing of it. If your day involved these two I can understand thy feelings." This was met with cries of protests.

Sorano slowly rose his head, meeting the centaurs gaze. They were proud, stubborn creatures. He could respect that. He also knew he could never hope to match that. "Please, allow me to introduce myself." He asked this of her, instead of proclaiming it rudely like he normally would. Again this threw them all for a loop. Except Centorea.

She didn't know how Sorano normally acted, and thus she gave him the benefit of the doubt. Assuming incorrectly that his earlier comment had been nothing more than an out of character outburst. Another common trait of centaurs. Chivalry was important to them. Especially for the females. They simply weren't used to handling charlatans. Which suited Sorano just fine.

She didn't have to like him, just tolerate him. So if he could show her some aspect of courtesy she might later falsely assume he had a secret gentleman to him. The ideal of the 'bad boy'. Except in this case Sorano was far from a 'boy'.

Centorea smiled easily at his request, granting it with a simple wave of her hand. "Go right ahead, it seems we may have gotten off on the wrong foot."

"*Cough* hoof *cough*." It was an idiotic joke to make, but he couldn't help himself. Sorano just had to.

Somehow the centaur didn't pick it up, instead thinking he was hacking up his lungs. "Oh! Are thou alright?" That 'thou' thing was going to get irritating. But at least Sorano sort of had a cover story. He was somewhat known for his coughing fits. Which was probably why Miia, Papi, and Kurusu were also looking at him with worry on their faces.

He waved aside their concerns. "Forgive me. I am fine." He cleared his throat. "My name is Sorano. It is a pleasure to meet you." He held out a hand, a gesture he was becoming quite fond of enacting. Vaguely, he realized this would be the first time he'd shook the hand of a centaur.

Her grasp met his, and they shook. Sorano even avoided crushing her hand in his grasp, a luxury Kurusu hadn't been granted during their introductions. "My name is Centorea Shianus. As you see I am a member of the highly esteemed centaur race." It was hard for Sorano to avoid laughing. _Highly esteemed? Don't make me laugh. Just because you were in a few Greek myths doesn't mean you're special. And if I remember right, your men rape the women in order to reproduce. That's certainly not behavior worthy of 'esteem'._ He kept those thought to himself. Miia was already fixing a suspicious glare his way. Of course she would suspect he was up to something.

"Thou are a human, correct? Forgive me for my behavior earlier. It was unwise of me to lash out upon a family member of my Master." Now that caused him to laugh. His hand slipped from hers and he used it to wipe some tears from his eyes. Using one of the bandages that wrapped his face of course. And in doing so he gave her a glimpse of what he truly was. An empty husk of a man. Nothing more than a shell.

"My apologies, but you're the first person to mistake me for a human in quite some time." Part of him was insulted at the thought of being a human. Another part was flattered. He hadn't put much time into his disguise since liminals were now common knowledge. But to see that it still worked to some extent gave him a small bit of pride. Ah, the glory of aviators. No wonder they got the CIA seal of approval.

"Ah, so thou are a liminal as well?" Now that reaction certainly pleased Sorano. He had grown accustomed to people freaking out once they saw what he was. Or rather what he wasn't. Even Miia and Kurusu had tensed slightly once the realization hit that he had no visible eyes. Somehow this centaur was the most tolerant, despite her reaction to him earlier. Frankly, it was impressive in Sorano's opinion. He'd still break that toy sword of hers while she slept, but he'd do it while feeling a tad bit ashamed of himself.

Sorano replaced the bandage, briefly meeting Miia's gaze before turning once more to Centorea. "Yes. My people are one of the lesser known species. The humans of today refer to us as 'Cloakers'." The blonde merely nodded, accepting his words with ease. There was no need to question him of course. There were potential thousands of liminal species around the world. Not hearing about one wasn't something that surprised her.

"Uh, guys? The food's getting cold. Why don't we go ahead and eat?" Sorano nodded in acceptance of Kurusu's words. He sat down at the table, with Miia on his left and Centorea on his right. Kurusu brought another tray off food, and the meal commenced. It was a mostly silent process.

Miia, occasionally shot the older liminal worried looks. Obviously she doubted his integrity. As for Kurusu? He seemed to relax a little at the lack of conflict. The man was positively drained from the past few days, and a moment of peace seemed to be just what he needed after such a hectic afternoon.

"So… how did you two come to meet?" There was a hidden edge in Sorano's question. Anyone with any talent in observation would have noticed it. It's fortunate that the people gathered here all lacked observational skills.

"As fate would have it, we stumbled across each in the streets. I knew from the moment I met him that he was destined to be my Master." The centaur's eyes sparkled ever so slightly. An indication that she might actually believe in fate and other such oddities. Sorano couldn't help but clench his fist. It was a subtle clue to his current mood, but one that the others didn't pick up.

"Did I hear that right? Smith allows you to go out alone?" His face remained as passive as ever, despite his current feelings on this revelation. Kurusu nodded, completely unaware of the emotions that were boiling underneath Sorano's skin.

"Yeah, Smith said it's a centaur tradition to go out and look for a… Master." He hesitated on the last word, clearly uncomfortable with it. Sorano was about to respond, to call bullshit on this entire predicament, but Miia was the one who interjected. This was good for Sorano, it stopped him from making a bigger ass of himself.

"Well why do you have to be her Master, Darling? Can't she find someone else?!" It was one of the few times Sorano found himself agreeing with Miia. Cerea glared at the lamia, clearly annoyed at the question she asked. Regardless of her feelings, she was polite enough to humor Miia.

"As I told Master, 'tis a Japanese fortune-telling magic charm." _A what?_ Sorano couldn't help but slouch slightly in his seat. Hearing such a ridiculous phrase took the wind out of his sails. "If one bumps into someone at an intersection they are fated to be together. 'Tis common sense." _Is she seriously using the same logic of this country's cartoons? Don't tell me she actually believes schoolgirls run down the streets en masse with toast in their mouths._

"Hmm, Papi thinks that's stupid." Sorano had to bite down on his tongue to avoid laughing. _Even the bird brain thinks she's an idiot!_ Cerea opened her mouth wide, likely beginning to defend herself. She didn't even get to say the first syllable of the first word. Miia butted in.

Blood was in the water. And the sharks were rushing in to feed.

"Yeah, you do sound like an idiot."

"Poor, horse lady. Papi is much smarter! Right Hubby?" No response. Sorano could swear he heard crickets chirping. _Where the hell is that coming from? Oh God, he better not have brought home an insect girl. I don't need one of those keeping me up all night long._

"Well, I think I'm full." Sorano patted his stomach contently and rose up from the table. "I'm going to go take a bath. Smell ya later." He was obviously slipping away, hoping to avoid the mess that was likely to form.

Kurusu ever so desperately wanted to join him. But he couldn't. He had to at least attempt to be the mediator. "Uh… have a good night Sorano."

His response was a sharp nod. "Remember to knock, ok?" It was a light jest, one that would have normally relaxed the tensions everyone felt.

It was not very effective.

No one else wished Sorano good night. They were too busy glaring daggers at each other. Only Cerea's honor as a knight stopped her from jumping across the table to throttle the other two. Oh, and her lower half kind of stopped her as well. Pretty hard to get that weight moving without much preparation.

"What did thou say?" Cerea's voice was low. Ever so dangerously low. The edge to it was so sharp it'd be sufficient for use in self-harm. A voice shouted in reply, it came from down the hall.

"She said you're a goddamn moron." And with that Sorano bid them adieu.

* * *

 **AN: Sorry about how long this took to get out. I've been working mostly on my newer story for the past few weeks, mainly to get it slowly caught up in size to this one. This one's much easier to update though (what with the shorter chapters and all) so eventually you should be seeing faster updates in the future. Unless I end up developing arthritis or some various uncomfortable syndrome.**

 **I'm really thankful for the consistent four reviews a chapter. It's great to get so much input when I update. I really like including you all in this as well. Even if it's with something as simple as naming a chapter. Now, time for the individual replies!**

 **Billthesomething: The Blob was/is definitely going to be my choice for Suu's chapter. It's nice to see it's still a relatively known film. Even in the reviews for a ecchi harem anime's fanfic. Unfortunately I won't be able to use the Blair Witch Project, Let Me In, or REC. They're all amazing movies, but far too 'new' to fit the 'vintage movie' theme. At least not yet. Maybe ten chapters from now I will be completely out of ideas, in which case I'll definitely include them. However, Cannibal Holocaust is going to be perfectly fine for a title, since it's at least over 30 years old. I also have never heard of it until now, so I thank you good sir/ma'am for giving me not only an interesting title, but a film to watch when I get the time. And of course I can't NOT make mention of Evil Dead. It's probably going to be Lala's chapter title. I'm also going to probably have to include Night of the Living Dead in the future. Maybe you'll be seeing a Zombina focused chapter in the future?**

 **Guest: Hopefully I didn't make you wait too long! As for him copying their powers... Well, that seems a little Gary Stu like. I'm thinking more along the lines of him pretending to be a Gremlin by sabotaging American fighter planes (in the nude, mind you) as an elaborate prank. Another idea involved him essentially reenacting scenes from Poltergeist just to give ghosts a bad name. This is the guy that considers 'new' liminals to be wimpy. Would it sound that far-fetched if he actively impersonated them in order to regain their species' street cred?**

 **Gashadokuro Amanojaku: Thanks for the kind words! I would agree that it'd be something he grew out of. I mean, just think of his initial reaction to discovering liminals revealed themselves? "I spent decades trying to help them regain their glory. Decades. And they just become waifus?!" Safe to say, that'd dampen any ideas of continuing the ruse.**

 **MussoTheMino- Glad you enjoyed it! I'm definitely going to have more of Sorano being Sorano. The political stuff will be coming back full force once he learns how backwards Smith's group are. Essentially he's going to flip out when she gives Kurusu the ultimatum about "You need to pick one to marry." In his mind it'll be immoral, unethical, and just plain idiotic. The history references will continue throughout. I want to slowly piece together Sorano's life, and show all the wacky things he's done in the past. I'd also agree that he's between 100-250. Perhaps on the older end of that scale. Just because I find it funny to imagine him fighting in the American Revolution as a child.**

 **That's it for now! Better to end this AN before it's longer than the chapter itself. Thanks for reading!**


	13. The Invisible Man Returns

"Hey, kid."

"Hmm? Sorano? You're up awful early?" There was a question there, one that Sorano ignored completely.

"Gettin' ready to draw Miia's bath?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

Sorano yawned, looking quite worse for the wear all things considered. "You follow the same schedule every day. It's disappointing how predictable you are."

"Uh … thanks?" Kurusu offered a nervous chuckle, clearly caught off guard by the blunt criticism from his housemate. "Something wrong?"

Again Sorano yawned, his entire body shifting as his shoulders rose in a stretch. "I've found my arch nemesis."

"That being?"

"The sound of hooves clomping on tile floor."

Kurusu chuckled, thinking this was some sort of elaborate joke. It wasn't. A stern frown was visible beneath the bandages that covered Sorano. Clearly he was displeased with Kurusu's nonchalant attitude.

Kurusu coughed into his fist, trying (and failing) to make it appear he'd been coughing and not laughing. "Sorry about that."

Sorano sighed, waving aside the apology as he did so. "No, no, don't be. I'm just running on two and a half hours of sleep and its killing my composure."

Kurusu wisely chose not to comment on how he couldn't really tell a difference in Sorano's attitude. It seemed like the man was as grumpy as always.

"Well, I'll let you be off. You do have a bath to start."

Kurusu smiled accepting the cue to leave with good grace. "Thanks, I'll start breakfast right after." He moved to grab the bathroom door's handle. His hand hovered a mere foot from the cool brass knob, inching ever closer by the second. Until he felt a firm hand grab onto his wrist, halting his progress towards the handle.

"Wha–?"

"What did I say about knocking? First rule of survival in this crazy, crazy world. Always knock before opening any door." _Unless you're using explosives to open it. Then don't knock. It'd give them time to flee._ And with that he rapped his other hand against the wooden door. "Pretty girls tend to be inconsiderate. Or perhaps they're just overtly trusting? Regardless, they always forget to lock."

"Who is it?"

"See?" Sorano tried his best to wink convincingly. It came off more as a nervous twitch.

Nonetheless Kurusu appreciated the save. "Thanks." He whispered to his fellow man, as he filed away that particularly useful piece of advice for future use.

"Cerea? It's me." Sorano had to bite his tongue to avoid shouting 'Me who?' "I was getting ready to draw Miia's bath for her."

"Ah. I see." The clicking of hooves against linoleum sounded off from the other side. "I shall be finished in less than a minute, Master."

"She's struggling to put on her bra. Or, if she doesn't wear one (also likely), she's struggling to get her shirt on." Sorano whispers this into Kurusu's ear as they inadvertently eavesdrop on the centaur.

"How do you know?"

"Four wives. One was a DDD. Always complained about that sort of thing."

Awe shone clear as day in the younger man's eyes. "Four wives?"

"Not at the same time you degenerate."

"No, I just … four?"

"Yes. I don't recommend you follow in my footsteps."

An audible crash rang out from the bathroom. Either Cerea had fallen … or she'd just knocked over a considerable amount of cleaning products.

"Duly noted." Despite saying this, a massive grin was plastered across Kurusu's face.

Sorano saw this. "Eh, on second thought, don't listen to me. I'm just a jaded old man." Something that could pass for a smile stretched across his face. "And besides, if I were younger I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat."

That gained Sorano a few points of respect in Kurusu's book. He looked at the man next to him, reexamining his opinion on him … up until the next sentence he said. "Stay away from black slimes though."

"Eh?"

"Yeah. Dated one of those in '89. She tried to eat me. Twice. And not in the good way."

"Uh …."

"TMI?"

"Yeah."

"Well, she was good in bed."

"How would that even …?"

"You know you're having a good time when it burns."

"… You know what?"

"What?"

"I'm … just going to go and start breakfast."

"Great. I'll get Miia's bath set. Don't think I haven't noticed you've been doing it when I'm supposed to."

Kurusu walked away … and abruptly did a heel turn as he gaped at the liminal man now leaning against the wall.

"But–?!"

"I'm a guest. Yup. And you're the cook. We've been over this. Stop trying to break the deal."

His only response was a series of grumbles. Even so, the discontent sound did little to hide the relieved look he wore. Never having to draw Miia's bath again meant he'd avoid getting choked out in the mornings. That was something to be grateful for.

"Alright, Master. The deed is done. 'Tis fine if you wish to enter."

"Cool." Sorano entered, taking the place of the 'Master' Cerea had hoped to greet her. As such, fate was irredeemably changed. For instead of Kurusu getting to gaze upon the bare succulent flesh of his resident horse girl, Sorano was the one to be gifted with such a sight.

"Those aren't infected, are they?" And like the gentleman he was, the invisible man had the audacity to point at the blushing girl's uncovered breasts, questioning why they were so unnaturally large.

"… Master?"

"Saber?"

He slammed the door protectively in front of him, closing it before the oncoming kick could strike him. Not a moment too soon, the hoof that would have likely scarred him instead punched straight through the door. But that is as far as it went, becoming lodged within the wooden material.

Sorano glared apprehensively at the offending appendage. Part of him wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of this. Part of him wanted to cry. It was terrifying to ponder what such a blow would have done to his beautiful invisible face.

"You said to come in."

"'Tis untrue! I said for my Master to come in!"

"There's a kink shop downtown. I can get a ball gag and some latex if you'd like?"

"What on earth are thou speaking of?!"

"Why the hell are you still naked? Haven't you considered someone else might want to use the bath?"

Silence.

"Or were you seriously just hoping the kid would be the one to find you in this state?"

Crickets.

"My God. Is everyone in this house a lecherous pervert?"

"I refuse to answer such a question."

"It was rhetorical. Now put your shirt on and get the hell out of the bathroom."

"I must … compose myself."

"You said you were ready before?"

"Tis my heart that must be composed!"

That was it. That line. He couldn't hold back his laughter when he heard that. As such the grating fingernails on chalkboard-esque laugh of Sorano emanated throughout the halls, alerting everyone within the facility.

It ended as abruptly as it came, a fit of coughing shattering the humorous sound. Sorano's somber expression retook its place almost as quickly as it had left. "Get out of the bathroom. Now. Or I'll break out the tear gas."

"Thou doth not have tear gas."

"Thou wanteth to tryeth me?" Sorano crossed his arms, waiting patiently for the door to open. It stayed shut for ten seconds, just enough time for someone that's not stalling to redress themselves. Then, with a subtle turn of the knob, the door creaked open.

Cerea came out wearing her usual attire, that of a skirt and blouse. She refused to look the smug man in the eye, instead keeping her vision aimed slightly above his head. It wasn't hard. After all she was taller than him, being a centaur and all.

"Say naught of this."

"I won't say a thing." The centaur seemed pleased by this, relaxing slightly as she started trotting away. "After all, words would do not justice to such a sight. I am ever grateful for my sharp memory, it has done me justice here."

The only indication that she had heard him was a slight tensing of her shoulders. Even still it was a tell, one that Sorano took great pleasure in noticing.

With a content sigh he entered the bathroom, his final words on the matter being simplistic in their summarization: "Youngsters are such odd animals."

* * *

"Okay! Let's go over the rules for the interspecies exchange program!"

"I refuse."

"No one asked you!"

"Exactly. Which is why I refuse."

Ignoring Sorano's complaints, Miia continued her lecture.

"Rule #1! Do not hurt humans or members of other species!"

"Well, that's a rule we've all broken numerous times."

"Rule #2! You must stay with your host family at all times!"

"I've broken that one forty-three times." Being proud of such a thing spoke volumes about the invisible man's character.

"And rule #3! This is the most important one!"

"Always put the toilet seat down?"

"No, Sorano!"

"Never eat the yellow snow?"

"No!"

"Don't fuck humans?"

"At your homestay, the first person to begin their stay there has privilege! So listen to everything I say, okay!"

And that's the precise moment in which Sorano decided he'd heard enough. He walked away from the squabble that was surely about to be incited, journeying back towards his bedroom where could finally find some peace.

"Do not make up rules that don't exist! 'Tis unnecessary!"

"Yeah!"

"Don't let her fool you, Papi!"

That was the final exclamation he heard, the next was cut off thanks to a closed door.

"Ah. Much better." He sighed, his shoulders visibly relaxing now that he was in his own domain. "Wait." Something dawned on him. Miia seemed … different. "Where did she get those glasses?" His vision wandered towards his work desk. Sure enough, the first drawer was open. The drawer that he housed his yet to be used reading glasses in.

"Miia!" Sorano spun around in place, grabbing the doorknob and wrenching the object open.

"Jeez! Centuars have such giant boobs! It's like they're prancing around naked!"

"You know what?" He spoke quietly to himself, slowly backing away from the door he'd reclosed. "She can have them."

Sadly, the fervor in the conversation had rose to disproportionate levels. The entire house seemed to shake from the volume at which the centaur and lamia spoke at.

Sorano sat at his bed, face cupped amongst his hands, as he questioned his life choices once more. "Highs and lows. Pros and cons." He mumbled to himself, a mantra to reaffirm himself.

"Oh! Hey husband, let's swim together!"

"God? Do you hate me?"

"I'll wait outside when you change." The conversation between Kurusu and Papi was muffled, but still audible to Sorano's ears. One of the many cons of his room not being designed from the ground up. He lacked soundproof walls.

"But I can't change into this with these arms of mine."

"I'll take that as a yes. This is because I haven't been to church in like four years, right?"

"Hey! That tickles!"

"Yup. That's definitely it." Sorano sighed, preparing to get up and put an end to the depravity that was now occurring within the bathroom. "So I'll stop this and then shut those other two up. Then what? Maybe a nap …."

"When you touched my chest earlier, it made my heart skip a beat!"

"Or, I'll round them all up like cattle and have us all confess our sins together. Sounds fun." The cheery tone of Sorano's words promised an evening of suffering for the house's inhabitants.

If Sorano had walked like a normal person he would have made it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, he didn't. In fact, the leisurely way in which he traveled almost gave the impression that he was stalling. Perhaps in the hopes of avoiding having to actually deal with the escalating situation.

"Ok, what's going on in … here?"

The dust clouds leading towards the front door told him the situation had taken a bad turn.

The trampled lamia told him it'd taken a **very** bad turn.

"Yo. You dead?" He tapped her head with the tip of his shoe. Her groans of pain told him she was alive. _Unfortunately._ Sorano paused at the dark thought that'd just crossed his mind. _Hmm … I'm being too vindictive. Her death would be discomforting._ Another groan of pain sounded off from the somehow still conscious girl. _Now, if she were in a coma ..._

"Husband!" Papi soared out of the house, not even glancing at her fallen rival as she took her leave.

"Hmm … that's not good."

"D-d-d-arling?" Miia could barely get the word out. But … Sorano didn't sympathize with her that much. There was no visible blood. Which meant she was perfectly fine. Internal bleeding did not exist in the world of Cloakers. If it did they'd be screwed. How could a surgeon operate on a patient's insides when they couldn't see them?

"So … I'm guessing the horse took the kid?"

"Ughhh …."

"Is that a yes?"

"Ughhh …."

"Stop being a baby. At least she's not a heavyweight centaur."

"Ughhh …."

"So … I'm going to go chase them down. See ya later?"

"Ughhh …."

"Cool. Ciao!"

He didn't even make it to the door. A slim hand clamped down around his ankle.

"T-t-t-ake. Me."

"Hmm." He seemed to contemplate how to answer her, pondering his options. "Nah. Not interested. Lamia sex lasts too long."

"…What." The flabbergasted expression on the girl's blushing face was a sight to behold.

"Besides, the last time I mated with a reptilian it gave me this nasty rash. Probably from all the chaffing involved. Scales are no fun."

"Eeeep!" Miia scurried out the door. Slinking away as fast as her tail could manage. Gone were all the thoughts of pain. Gone were her concerns for Kurusu. Only one thought remained. 'Must get away from this pervert.'

"Hmm … I suppose that means she doesn't care for my love life? I would have thought she'd be interested in picking my brain. I might have been willing to give her a few pointers." He stood there, massaging his jawline for some time. Then it dawned on him how creepy that sounded and he had to suppress a shudder. "Oh God, they're tainted nature is rubbing off on me …. Let's just get this over with and find the kid."

* * *

"Huff. Huff. Phew. I'm pooped." Sorano had made it to the sidewalk directly in front of the house. It had taken him five minutes. He had covered roughly twenty meters worth of ground. "Well, looks like they're gone. Not like I can do anything. Have to worry about my health and all that."

"Sorano?"

"Oh hai Smith."

"Why are you outside?"

"Wait. Smith?!"

Pulled up in front of him was the Agent in question. Dressed for success in her suit and tie and driving the government vehicle she was known to parade around.

"Where's Darling?"

Sorano could only point in the vague direction he suspected they'd gone. How did he know they went that way? The path of destruction they'd wrought in their journey.

"Get in." Smith's chilly tone silenced any protests Sorano had. Which were few and far between. He didn't have to walk!

"Those girls …."

"Sure are something, aren't they?"

"Hmm?" Smith turned towards Sorano, taking immediate note of the smile tugging on the corner of his lips.

"They've made me track them down three times in the past three days. Almost makes me want to apologize to you for all the times I did something similar."

Now that caused Smith to raise an eyebrow. "Oh? Almost?"

Sorano crossed his arms, a full-on grin visible beneath his bandages. "Yeah, but this is just too much fun. It's like a never-ending game of manhunt." _Much better than having to keep them from jumping each other's bones. Though, to be fair, I probably would have a different opinion if I had to walk again._

Smith snorted at his out of character cheerfulness. "Figures an invisible liminal would like hide and seek."

"Not hide and seek!" And just like that the grouchy geezer she knew came back in full force. "I'm an adult, goddammit! We don't play 'hide and seek'!"

"Don't you? Every time you strip down you're inadvertently playing that game."

The logic in her words caused the man to stiffen, his shoulders slumping as he sat back in his seat. "Not my fault. Trust me, I'd be visible if I could help it."

Smith chewed on that thought, pondering the implications behind such a statement. "Well, we could toss a coat of red paint on you? No one would lose track of you then."

The flat look on his face told her that wasn't the best idea. "I'd probably be mistaken for some sort of performance artist."

"Isn't that what you are? You've been trying to get attention in the strangest of ways ever since I've known you."

Smith let that sit, allowing a moment for those words to be absorbed into the other man's mind. "What the hell do you mean by that, human?" Sadly, it didn't result in the enlightening moment of self-reflection she hoped to bring about. Instead it incensed her companion considerably. Steam was practically wafting off of him, and it wasn't at all because her car's air conditioning had broken.

"Oh look we're here!" She tried unconvincingly to change the subject, pointing out the three liminal girls that were currently about to go full battle royale on each other.

"Looks like things have gone a tad too far."

"That's an understatement!" Smith threw her car door open, barely remembering to put the vehicle in park. "Wait here! I'll take care of–!"

"You're going to use the tranquilizer? Not the best idea. I remember the last time you tried that on me you ended up hitting a street vendor."

"Huh?" Smith glanced down to her hands. The hands that had been holding a tranquilizer gun in them just a second ago. "Ah?" She turned her attention to the liminal man still seated in the passenger seat of her car. The liminal man that was now currently tossing the gun in the air with one hand and catching it with his other.

"Let's just try talking things out." There was an edge to his tone, something that assured her she would do this his way or not at all. That tired, grumpy, cynical old man that had been in her car not a moment ago looked noticeably younger as he got out of the car, pocketing the tranquilizer as he did so.

He stood up straight, cracking his back and rolling his shoulders as he stretched.

"You three! Over there! Cease this foolishness right this instance!" The tone he adopted was that of a father scolding their child. "Have you no self-respect? You're all making a scene."

Sorano strode over to the others, walking briskly past Smith as he got side by side with Kurusu. "Keep this up and the kid'll decide to kick all of you out." He cozied up to Kurusu getting close enough to whisper in his ear, and for a second the façade was broken and the goofy grandpa figure was back. "Psst kid. Just wanted to let you know I'm all for it. Too much clam chowder in this house as it is … if you know what I mean."

Kurusu did not in fact know what he meant. Kurusu had no earthly idea what his reference of clam chowder could possibly be an insinuation of. Kurusu was far too innocent for his own good.

"Now …." Sorano cleared his throat, pantomiming the action of straightening a tie as he refocused his gaze on the three girls in front of him. "Allow me to verbally berate you into submissiveness." _By this I mean: 'watch as I distract all of you to the point that you'll forget what you're fighting about'._

"Beg your pardon?"

Sorano's sunglasses seemed to narrow (almost as if they were his actual eyes) at the rhetorical question tossed his way by Cerea. "Nope, I don't feel like granting pardon today. Or any day for that matter." He strutted back in forth in front of the group, rubbing his hands together maliciously as he debated exactly how to begin. "I'm more of a 'no quarter' type of fellow. The Lord may grant mercy, but that's just a testament to his graciousness and not my own. So …." It typically sets off a few alarm bells when someone starts spouting religious dogma in the same sentence they've declared themselves to be merciless. Key word being 'typically'. This brief little monologue didn't set off alarm bells. It set off full-fledged warning sirens.

"You there. The snake. I'll start with you first because you're usually thought of as the most evil of animals."

"Wha–?"

"Silence you! You're not even a lamia! Or should I capitalize that? The Lamia!" He points his finger accusingly at Miia, and begins to wiggle it condescendingly in front of her nose. "Which brings me to my point. The real 'Lamia' was a Libyan queen that ate children. You're neither a queen nor a child-eater. Therefore, you're not Lamia. You're just a naga." For some godforsaken reason he seemed disappointed this was the case. "Would have been cooler if you did eat kids. I could have fed you that bird brain and we'd have one less problem to worry about."

"Technically they're the same age."

"Technically, Smith, consent is also determined by **mental** age. Of which harpies lack across the board."

"That's racist."

"You're racist."

"Really? Is this really what thou are doing?"

"Hush, hush, horse lady. I'll get to you sooner or later."

"Horse lady?! How can you just simplify my entire species into a single derogatory–?!"

"Hmm … why the long face?"

"…." Everyone froze at the cliché joke. Seemingly frozen in time at the audacity Sorano had at making such a comment.

"Get it. 'Long face'? Like a horse."

"Thou does not need to describe the jest to me. I understood it clearly."

"Cool."

"…." And just like that Sorano potentially washed away his feeble attempts at getting the centaur to tolerate him as a fellow living being.

"So … oh, right. Centaurs. Why is it that you're entire culture is based off of medieval stereotypes yet the origination of your myth stems back to Greco-Roman times? Shouldn't you all wear bronze armor and cart around a xiphos or a gladius?"

The fact that what everyone expected to be a generic stand-up level insult became a genuine question instead shocked everyone at hand. Especially Cerea. "Thou ask a good question. I was expecting something more … vulgar."

Sorano shrugs, a small grin flashing behind his bandages as he notices he's drawn everyone in. _No need for force. A few choice words to rouse the crowd, followed by a reasonable discussion that titillates the mind. Simple. Surprising. So very effective._ "I would have eventually morphed the comment I made at the expense of lamias into a question. Had I not been rudely interrupted, that is!" He sends a harsh glare at Smith, who nonchalantly waves it aside.

"Ahem." Cerea coughs into her fist to draw his attention. "To answer the question. I believe one must simply look at the historical evolution of Europe itself for a clue."

"Ah, I take it you're inferring the cultural shift of Europe following the collapse of classical antiquity? It would make sense a species deeply tied to the Greek and Roman cultures would shift as they did."

"Of course, the chivalrous aspects of medieval culture were also quite tantalizing to a race as proud and honorable as ours."

"I'm going to skip the part where I explain to you how medieval culture was not at all chivalrous and go straight into my next question. If centaur culture shifted hand in hand with the human European's, why has your focus on jousting, chivalry, and the like not progressed alongside the enlightened period of Europe?"

Cerea seemed to grow forlorn at the thought. "Tis a good point. I would argue the male portion of our species is the reason. Their brutishness is in-adept at adapting mentally."

"Hmm, curious. I would assume the deeply mythical aspects of medieval culture also drew your interest more than the more … humanistic aspects of modern Europe?"

"Might be the case. Old fairy tales are viewed favorably by most extra-species. Centaurs included."

"Ah, Smith has a point. I've always found it amusing how so many monsters gravitate towards human culture they've been represented in."

"Don't you worship a movie star and an author that were involved with a story loosely connected to your kind?"

"Miia, I feel it necessary to point out that I don't 'worship' them. I admire and revere them. Worship is a very, very strong word."

"You have life-size portraits of them looking over you as you sleep."

"Mr. Bandages sounds creepy."

"He does, does he not? I could not imagine having such a thing in my room."

 _Probably couldn't fit it in your room with how much space your horse ass takes up._

Despite his internal grumbling, Sorano was pleased. He'd defused the situation using an old trick. The art of misdirection.

"Ah, almost forgot the bird."

He crouched down so he didn't tower quite so much over Papi.

"Why do you have nipples? In fact, why do you and the snake have nipples?"

"Heh?" That summed up everyone's response to the question quite well. Miia looked to be having an aneurism, her mind shattering at how blasé the man's tone was when asking such a thing. Both Cerea and Kurusu seemed to blush deeply at the topic being brought up. Papi looked to have no clue as to what he was talking about, probably not understanding why he'd ask such a thing. (Or perhaps not even understanding what a 'nipple' was.) And Smith … well she was laughing. Quite a lot.

"I'm serious. Nipples are something mammalian creatures have. Not birds, nor reptiles. So why do you have nipples?" He frowned, as if deep in thought. "Do you secrete milk? If so, shouldn't you be more like a pigeon? They feed using their crops, not nipples." Sorano stroked his chin, pondering the dilemma he'd found like some ancient philosopher of renown. "Or perhaps … you're more human than bird? Same with nagas (err lamias). There could be a common ancestor between humans and extra-species. Or … you're all just weirdos like the platypus."

* * *

"Is he done?"

Everyone was staring at Sorano. He'd gone quiet about a minute prior, his entire stance stiffening as he froze in place. With his lack of overtly visible facial expressions he seemed to be a statue and not a living creature.

"He's been rambling to himself for the past five minutes. If he isn't I'm going to take you guys home and leave him here."

"Smith, should you really do that? What if he gets in trouble for being alone?"

Miia fawned in adoration for her homestay. To think that someone could be so kind-hearted they'd worry about a fellow like Sorano. Surely there was no limit to Kurusu's saintly compassion.

"Darling … sometimes tough love is the best way to show someone you care." Smith seemed amused with Kurusu's concern, but nonetheless brushed it aside. The bandaged man had been off on his own plenty of times, illegally she might add, and despite that the only ones capable of catching him were M.O.N. Without her say he could potentially roam free forever. Or at least until someone else got access to a Monoeye capable of spotting his invisible form displacing the air.

"Husband? Why are we leaving Mr. Bandages?"

"Because he stopped moving thirty seconds ago and we think he might be dead." And if he were dead well … Smith would mourn for him. But she'd do so far away from his corpse, so as to avoid being held responsible.

Of course, Smith only said this because she knew very well that he was fine. She'd seen him get hit by a truck, only to get up and walk it off. Surely he hadn't keeled over from old age now of all times.

"Should we not check on him to make sure he's alright?" Despite her apprehension towards the man, Cerea couldn't help but feel troubled. Leaving a comrade (no matter how loosely that term applied) was not a knightly thing to do.

"Nope, just adds our fingerprints to the scene. I'll just document it in my report."

"Where the hell are you fuckers going?!" Ah there he was, back and ready for action.

"Everyone get in the car now. He's coming for us!" And he was. Somehow, he'd mustered up the strength to sprint after them … though of course he had to take a break every ten steps.

"Smith, why are we running from him?!" The loud panting coming from Sorano (who currently looked like he was having a heat stroke) almost overshadowed Kurusu's question. Fortunately Smith had sharp hearing.

"I have to tell you something! And he definitely can't be there to hear it or he'll be out for my head."

Kurusu's face turn at noticeable shade of white when he heard her answer. "That … doesn't make me feel any better."

"I … I … I'm going to get you fuckers!" Another gasp as Sorano forced oxygen into his lungs. "…Eventually." His stood, hands on his knees, watching as they fast walked away (for they didn't even need to run to avoid him). "Hey … wait up. Let me catch my breath."

"Not a chance!" They'd made it to the car, and Smith (not wanting a repeat of the last time she'd had everyone in the car at once) completely forgot about her responsibilities as a coordinator as she threw the gear into drive. Burning rubber, the squealing of tires against asphalt, and a dust cloud were the only sounds of farewell Sorano received.

"Ah shit. Does this mean I have to walk back?" No one answered. A few couples in the park looked to be dazed from the scene they'd just witnessed. "I'll take that as a 'yes'. Damn." He shrugged, straightening his back once more as he stood up to his full height. "Eh. I had to pick up some things regardless. Full moon's coming up tonight." Just like that he'd accepted his abandonment, shoving his hands into his pockets as he strutted away. Such is to be expected after all, his species were a solitary bunch.

"I wonder. Should I get some pepper spray? Or perhaps a Taser?" Absentmindedly he fumbled with the tranquilizer gun he still had in his pocket. Smith hadn't even noticed it in her haste to leave.

"Nah, too hardcore. I just need something simple, yet effective." A wide smile inched it's way across his face. "I have a perfect idea." Such words would have chilled the heart of anyone near enough to hear them. For they promised nothing good.

* * *

 **AN: Well hot damn this was long overdue! What has it been ... four months? Five months? Jeez. And right after I said I'd have more consistent updates. What I failed to mention is that I was planning on focusing SOLELY on my other story until I got it to chapter ten. I reached that milestone about a week and a half ago and immediately started putting in the time and effort needed to update Transparent. From here on out I plan on being more forthright with what I'm doing. Here's my game plan: two or three more chapters of Transparent before I turn my attention to my other story to crank out a new chapter for it. After that I'll be alternating between stories each chapter. Sounds like a good plan, no? It means both will get the love and dedication they're due and we won't be seeing five month hiatuses as I focus entirely on one over the other. Oh, and as an apology this chapter is my longest for Transparent as of yet! Consider it a thank you and an apology. Thanks for sticking around, and sorry about how ridiculously long I've kept you waiting. Now onto the reviews!**

 **MussoTheMino: Sorano's taste in things in very ... nostalgic. I can very easily see him enjoying the works of Sergio Leone. Sadly his incompetence with technology limits his access to such things. This is a guy that doesn't know (or rather can't) use a microwave without starting a fire. I doubt he'd be able to use a VHS let alone pull a movie up on the Internet or on Netflix, lol. You've given me a nice idea though for the future. A family movie night sort of thing involving Sorano displaying his vast taste to the rest of the gang. And also, as a follow up to your previous review, I've sort of narrowed down a year for when Sorano popped into existence. 1753. Because it's supposedly the year the term 'anthropomorphism' came into existence. With that being the case not only could you picture Sorano in a top hat in Victorian England, but you could also imagine him in the Wild West itself! I'm glad to hear you love the story ... maybe your excitement at seeing it updated will override the disappointment of having to wait?**

 **Billthesomething: Misery would be a fitting name for Draco's entrance. Single White Female gives me ideas. Glorious ideas involving Smith forcing Sorano to crossdress in order to blend into a crowd when they're searching for the person that 'threatened' Kurusu. Hmm ... I think it'd fit the chapter Lala turns that little girl into a zombie even better. There's no love involved (at least I hope there isn't) but there's a zombie (the girl) and an undertaker (Lala) in one chapter together. And right here I have to thank you, lol. You've given me the upcoming titles of every single one of my Mero and Rachnee focused chapters. I'm thinking of having the chapter Mero meets that Kraken-esque women titled 'Creature from the Black Lagoon'. Arachnophobia is going to be the chapter Rachnee is introduced. Of course you'll also be seeing 'Eight-Legged Freaks' as a title. In five months I've become more lenient on that whole 'rule' about older movies being the only contenders for chapter names, lol.**

 **King Keith: Great seeing you in the reviews section once more! I'm glad to see I've managed to coax someone back into the Monster Musume series. Well ... as you see in this chapter Sorano's nice behavior only extends so far. That 'so far' being up until he's broken her sword off screen (you'll see mention of this in the future). Just wait until we get to the part where the vampire chick is introduced! Fun times are going to be had!**

 **theotakureader101: Is it wrong that I'm surprised someone actually loves Sorano? I mean ... I kind of intended for him to be a jackass people despise, lol. Thank you for your kind words. Rachnera's chapter is probably going to be one of my favorite introductions (besides Mero's of course). I don't want to make Sorano the main focus of the plot (since that's the role of the girls) but I'm thinking about switching out Kurusu for Sorano in that kidnapping scene. I also like the idea of them both being kidnapped and tied up side by side as Rachnera scurries around. And ... maybe I should mention that I plan on elaborating on Sorano's four wives. Just a quick hint: one of them was a Long Legged Arachne. Let's see how that'll affect things, lol.**

 **V-rcingetorix: Definitely agree with you on my paragraphs. I don't know what I was doing when I started this story. Trying some sort of weird improper format out, maybe. I'm probably going to correct the past chapters sometime in the future. And by sometime I probably mean when I finish the story completely, lol. Aww ... but I liked the idea of having him pretend to be older than he was so we could have a ten year old fighting at the Battle of Bunker Hill! How cool would that be? Practical, no. Realistic, hell no. But just imagine a foul-mouthed midget Sorano screaming at the top of his lungs in terror as cannon fire went off all around. As I said prior, I'm thinking about 1753 being his birth year ... but you raise a good point. If I were to have him involved in the Medieval era I'd probably make his birth in 1386. Why? Well, the Venetians captured this little island in Greece named Corfu then, and I really like the idea of that being Sorano's homeland. Why? Corfu sounds funny, lol. And it being Greek means I can sort of tie him into Greek myth and legend. Also being born in 1386 would give him just enough time to get ready for Joanne of Arc's involvement in the world. Now how cool would that be? Having Sorano take part among her ranks?**

 **King0fP0wers: Now I wouldn't say this is my 'thing' (because I'd be depressed thinking I could only write one type of character, lol) but these are definitely my favorite type of characters to write. I love tossing in assholes into either serious or good-natured series and watching them wreck havoc. Maybe I'm some sort of sadist, lol? I wouldn't say what I'm doing is rare or anything. I've seen plenty of snarky characters used throughout fanfic. It's just something that's hit or miss. If done wrong you've just created an asshole with no redeeming qualities that everyone reads just so they can see him get beat down a few pegs. Which is sort of what I'm going for with Dante. Less with Sorano. Though of course you're going to notice the similarities, I've even thrown a few subtle (and obvious) references in their regarding them.**

 **Zinc65: Just wanted to say I appreciate the compliment and you're pure awesome for leaving a review!**

 **The Author God: (Great name btw). Yes! Finally someone sees it, lol. Obviously I'm not going to straight up have him act like Rorschach (that level of violence would force me to make this an M story) but I had his disguise in mind when I was thinking about what Sorano would look like. And his cynical nature obviously bleed through in Sorano's personality. But of course I'll be referencing that! In fact I'm thinking about including it in the list of movies aforementioned 'family movie' night would have playing. There might even be a few omake type chapters where the cast is jut commenting on various movies Sorano's recommended. But only if that sounds like something that'd be interesting to read. Spider-Man is going to be referenced, Adam West era Batman is going to be referenced (when Kyurii shows up), heck I even plan on referencing Aqua Man when they go to Mero's kingdom.**

 **Guest of mystery: (Also a badass name). That's probably the best way to describe him, and exactly what I was going for. Glad you enjoyed!**


	14. Moonchild

"Shit … this is kind of heavy." Sorano was in the process of hefting a large sack down the street. "I'm too generous. It's not even Christmas and I've gotten so much for them." Several grunts followed as he refocused on carting the baggage behind him.

He'd been alone for a while. It was starting to get dark outside, the full moon barely visible in the dusk sky.

"Those little degenerates better praise me for this. Woodrow Wilson was still in office the last time I got someone a gift."

People were staring at him, but he didn't care. Well … there was one instance in which he cared. A police officer had stopped him and questioned him over what he had in the bag. Of course, he had responded in a perfectly sane way … by decrying the man as a bigot that was racially profiling him. It didn't help that this was the same bike cop that Sorano had encountered twice before. In fact, it made things worse. Sorano had started shrieking that the man was sexually harassing him, and in the ensuing disorder he caused he'd managed to slip away.

"Can't believe that worked. It's true what they say. When in doubt, scream 'rape'." Sorano stopped to wipe a bead of sweat from his forehead. Or rather, he motioned as if he were wiping sweat from his brow. Really he was using the pause to survey his surroundings. _I could swear I've seen that person before._ He was talking about the androgynous looking girl leaning against a streetlight 'reading' a newspaper. Quotations around 'reading' because she hadn't turned the page in the past ten minutes. Sorano could attest to that, he'd been spending that much time just getting his bag down the sidewalk.

"Hey! Are you spying on me?!" What else would he do but bluntly call out this stalkerish behavior? Sorano wasn't the type to mince words, even if it not doing so could potentially put him into a dangerous situation. The girl, or at least that's what Sorano assumed she/he was, jumped in shock. She wasn't expecting anyone to take notice of her presence. And she definitely wasn't expecting someone to be so bold as to call her out on it.

"Smith send you?" No answer. That might not be completely accurate. There was an answer, but it was in the form of incoherent sputtering. "Are you here to watch over me?!" He let that question hover in the air for a moment. Dangling it above the head of the girl so as to give her an out. It was bait. Sorano recognized this girl not as a government agent sent to spy on him, but as someone he'd seen in the corner of his eye throughout the day he was out shopping with Miia and Kurusu.

Her appearance was just too unique to allow her to be mistaken for someone else. The poor reptilian was trying their best to blend in. But alas, they were no chameleon. The blonde hair alone would have made her stand out in Japan. Add in the green scales, talons, tail, and ridiculous overcoat (that Sorano admired despite its impracticality) and the liminal before him wasn't someone you'd miss in a crowd.

"Goddammit! I knew this was too good to be true. And here I thought Smith was giving me a demo of how much more freedom I would have helping her with the kid's problems. I figured she'd let me do what I want when she's around and in return I'd just have to stick to him like glue whenever she's not." He sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping as he dropped his sack to the ground. "I've been taken for a fool. She didn't leave to give me some alone time. She ditched me to give herself some alone time … from me." Storm clouds seemed to coalesce above his head raining a monsoon of disappointment on the depressed man.

He played this up for a good thirty seconds, allowing the androgynous individual before him to means in which she could spin this to her favor to justify her actions. All she had to do was lie and tell him she was with the government. Just a little white lie. How hard would that be?

"Of course!" Sadly, she had to overcompensate for her insecurity, and because of this she was flaunting about like a moron. "The government is ever vigilant! It's to be expected that they'd spare no expense in observing your every move!" She laughed maliciously, going a little overboard with the whole 'big bad government' role Sorano allowed her to take.

"Every move?"

"Yes!"

"My condolences."

"… Uh … thanks?"

"Of course you're with the government with that pansy ass tone! Be a little bit more confident there, Miss 'Government Agent', and you might end up finding a better job!"

Miss? How did he know she was a girl?! And where did he get off speaking to her in such an informal tone?!

"Uh … I'll keep that in mind? I haven't been feeling well lately …." With probably the weakest excuse in existence, Draco tried valiantly to wave aside Sorano questioning stare.

"Hmm …. I'd be a little bit more sympathetic if you weren't spying on us 24/7. Still, I can offer chicken noodle soup?"

"Chicken noodle soup?" Where the heck was this conversation going? He'd gone from bluntly calling her out to offering her food? What kind of meds was this guy on?

"Yeah, the chunky kind. It's the best."

"While I appreciate your … gesture. I have work to do, after all."

"Oh yes, apologies for my rudeness. I'd hate to keep you away from your busy government duties."

"Yes. I must take my leave at once."

"Understood. I wish you well."

Draco made to turn around, hoping to skedaddle away from the seemingly senile old man that'd conversed with her. She was abruptly stopped, mid-turn, by a firm hand grabbing onto her shoulder.

"You must take me for a fool. I've heard about you, newt."

The chilliness Draco felt was not brought about by the slight breeze that rustled her hair.

"Smith, ever the professional, complained to me on numerous occasions about a dragonewt giving her trouble." A mirthless chuckle sounded out from behind her. "At the time I was pissed with her incessant whining, but now, after meeting you. I understand her grievances with you."

The hand squeezed down on her shoulder. Hard. "I don't know why, but you've been stalking us. Do us both a favor and cut it out." The chuckle increased in volume, reaching a fervent roar that caused Draco to stiffen as if she were about to be struck. "Or … I'll see if the legend of the salamander is true. Fire does wonders for the soul."

Despite herself, Draco forced her neck to turn 180 degrees so she could look into the eyes of the male that'd just vaguely threatened her. Upon doing so, she desperately wished she hadn't. He'd allowed his sunglasses to slip to the bridge of his nose, and because of this she had a clear view of what his eyes looked like. Or rather, what the gouged out space his eyes should have been in, looked like. It seemed as if embers were kindling within those hollow eyes, a burning inferno that threatened to consume her with just a single glare.

And then … it was gone.

That dark chuckling developed into a pained choking sound, and it completely altered the atmosphere between them. Sorano sucked in a large gasp of air in order to soothe his aching chest, and after that he outright released Draco from his gasp.

"Or, that's what I would have said when I was a younger lad. Today I'll just let you off with a warning." He lightly tousled her hair, almost as if she were a younger sibling of his.

"How about we get some of that soup? All you have to do is help me carry this crap inside and I'll have the kid whip you up a bowl. Sound good?"

The mortified expression on Draco's face cued him into her not being open to the idea.

"What? You allergic or something?"

"W-w-w-hat?"

"Soup? Of the chicken assortment? It's good for the soul~!" He whimsically sang the last word of that sentence allowing it to waft through the air just like the delectable aroma of Campbell's chicken noodle soup.

"S-s-soul?" She repeated the word, a brief flashback to the scene that she'd been in a mere ten seconds prior shooting to the forefront of her mind.

"Yup. It's nice and warm too. Bug breaths love warmth, right?"

"S-s-sure?"

"Great! So, here you go!" And with that he tossed his bag of goodies into the slim girl's arms.

It goes without saying that she didn't catch it. Well … it wouldn't be fair to say she didn't at least try. But while her reflexes were sharp, her brain wasn't. And as such she didn't process exactly how heavy the bag was until she'd instinctively grabbed ahold of it.

The result was a sore Draco crushed underneath the massive package Sorano carried around with him.

Her groaning was met with nothing more than a displeased sigh. "Oh come on. Teddy Roosevelt could have caught that with one hand. After being shot. Are you really going to let yourself get upstaged by a human, of all things?"

More groaning.

"Well, guess that means no chicken noodle soup for you. Pity, I'm sure everyone would have been ecstatic to meet you. Especially the bird brain, she's 'special'."

"… Everyone?"

"Ah, so you haven't suffocated yet. Yes, everyone. The kid, the female Secretariat, Tweety, and the living pair of cowboy boots. They'd all get a kick out of your shenanigans." He said this as if he hadn't caught Draco in the midst of creepily stalking people. As if he'd completely forgotten about her transgressions against his group. He could do this because internally Sorano had already distanced himself from the obsessive act of surveillance. How did he do this? Simple reasoning really. _There's no way I was the one in that trio she was stalking. And if I was … God help her poor soul, for her mind is already lost._

"We're not that far away. House is right up the street. But you already know that. After all, people like you document the daily schedules of their victims so as to keep better tabs on them. Of course you'd know where we live." The pseudo-cheery tone of Sorano voice didn't at all hide the righteous fury behind his words.

"Uh …." Long gone was the suave nature Draco would often try to employ in these sorts of situations. It was replaced by a stuttering mess of a woman trying desperately to put her head back on straight.

"Humph. Fine I'll lend you a hand." He grasped ahold of the bag and ripped it off of Draco's fallen form. Sorano slung the bag over his shoulders, looking almost like Santa Claus delivering presents … or like a burglar making off with ill-begotten goods.

"Come now, squishy, flat-chested female version of Gingrich. Let us return home." He walked down the sidewalk, not even noticing in his haste that Draco had decided to scurry off in the opposite direction.

* * *

"Phew." Again Sorano stopped to wipe his brow. This time he wasn't altogether faking. Though he didn't do this to wipe perspiration from his forehead. The bandages that covered him would do a decent job at that all on their own. No, Sorano was wiping his brow so as to readjust his wrappings without looking **too** out of place. Of course, considering his appearance, this was entirely unnecessary.

"Remind me to replace these things when I get home. They're starting to reek." He sniffed the clothe covering his forearms. "Pyoo. Haven't smelled like this since my first stay in London." An old memory causes him to shudder. "And that was back before they repealed that bastard soap tax."

Sorano glances around, finally noticing that his companion had ditched him from the very beginning. "Hmm? Guess she doesn't want soup." He shrugged. "Fine then. More for me." And with that he picked his sack back up and continued on his way.

"Wonder if I should tell Smith about this?" He let the question linger, allowing it to float around his mind as he pondered the proper answer. Said pondering came to a quick conclusion. "Nah. Have to look out for my fellow renegades." A soft chuckle escaped his lips, echoing off into his surroundings.

"Run free, little newt. And pray I don't catch your scent around my territory again."

The door was unlocked. _Rookie mistake._ Sorano thought to himself as he opened it. Well … he tried to open it. Sadly, he didn't get to sneak in unannounced and scare the crap out of the bastards who'd left him behind. Smith made it to the door before him, opening it from the inside.

"Uh … Sorano?" Her confused glance was met with Sorano's blank stare.

"Get back here, Smith!"

"Whoops! People to see, places to be! Buh bye!" And with that the government worker waved enthusiastically behind her and tried to push her way past Sorano and to freedom.

She made a poor choice in trying to slip past someone that spent the majority of his time escaping from others.

Sorano blocked the door like a brick wall, keeping Smith from wiggling her way out of the situation that was quickly taking a turn for the worse.

"Sorano?"

"What?"

"Could you be a dear and move out of the way?"

"Nope." He didn't even allow for compromise, immediately shutting down any attempt Smith might make at coercing her way out of this.

"What's in the bag?"

 _Dammit, she noticed it._ Noticed it she had. He'd tried to conceal its presence from her, placing it down beside his feet as far away from the door's entryway as he could. It hadn't worked. Smith had noticed it instantaneously and latched onto the object as a means of sidetracking the route this conversation was going. It'd delay the inevitable, postponing any answers she'd have to give to 'Darling's questions.

"Work related equipment." Of course, Sorano knew this. Well … he obviously didn't know the nature of the questions Kurusu wished to ask Smith. If he did he would have probably blown a gasket. What he did know was that Smith was trying to weasel her way out of something yet again, and that 'something' involved 'the kid'.

It's not like Sorano would sacrifice himself or anything for Kurusu. Hell, he'd barely even work up a sweat for him. But this was a special case. An opportunity to lend the kid a hand while also tormenting Smith? Too good to pass up.

"Work related equipment?" The disbelieving tone she adopted told Sorano she wasn't buying it at all. Ironically, he was actually telling the truth. Everything in that sack was 'acquired' in preparation for tonight.

"Smith! How do you expect me to make a choice like this?!"

Such an outburst was out of character for the good-natured man Sorano had come to know over the past few days.

"What choice?" Sorano looked directly past Smith (who was beginning to sweat under the pressure) and straight into his homestay's agitated eyes. "What's got you so flustered, kid?"

Kurusu huffed and puffed, fighting to regain his breath. He was embarrassed that he'd gotten so upset.

Sorano watched as he took a gulp of air, all the while holding Smith at bay.

"She … she told me to choose one of the girls."

 _Ok, remind me to never give this guy the benefit of the doubt ever again. This is just about him being upset he can't have his harem? Are you fucking kidding–?!_

"To marry." Kurusu had taken a lengthy pause to calm down, and upon finishing his break, he concluded his explanation.

Said explanation caused a chain reaction the likes of which had never been seen before.

Have you ever seen what happens when you drop a Mentos into a bottle of Coke? You know that chemical reaction that takes place? All the bubbling and fizzing noises as it explodes? Well. Sorano was currently doing something equivalent to that. A strange guttural roar escaped his lips, sounding more like an animalistic cry for blood than anything a bipedal organism would utter.

"You said what?!"

Smith looked at the fuming man before her. Then she turned to the flabbergasted man behind her. She looked at the three pitiful looking girls lined up in a row. And she realized something. She'd just fucked up massively. She'd done what Sorano had done. She'd taken the joke too far.

"Well, look at the time. I best be leaving. Tonight's a full moon and crazy things happen–"

"I sincerely hope you told him about that."

Smith looked into the stoic face of Sorano. He'd be quite an imposing sight, if not for the fact that his bandages were starting to unfurl. It decreased the percentage of his features that she could make out, and because of this it lessened the tension she would have normally felt at being addressed in such a tone.

Still … seeing him in what could only be described as a cold rage was downright humbling. Smith wasn't scared for her life. Rather she was impressed. It was like she was standing before some great lion surveying their savanna. Sorano had gone from externally furious, with his passionate exclamation, to quietly stewing in his rage in a span of three seconds. That sort of emotional control was something to be astounded by.

"Told him what?"

From what little she can see of the liminal unravelling literally before her, Smith could make out that he was glaring intensely at her.

"The moon."

Smith let those two words hang. Thinking desperately of some way to avoid addressing the questioning. Luckily (read: 'unluckily') Sorano didn't wait for her answer.

"Kurusu."

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any duct tape."

"Uh … I think so?"

"Good."

"Why?"

"It's great for interrogations."

Sorano turned his attention back to Smith, his beady little invisible eyes glaring hard into her own. "I visited a nearby shrine. God will forgive me for one night." The certainty in which he said this once again reiterated the conclusion Smith had come to before. She had fucked up.

"Break out the feather duster. We have about an hour to spare. Let's make the most of it."

At the words 'feather duster' Smith shuddered. He'd done this to her once before. Back before he learned Doppel enjoyed pranks as well. Smith had to avoid such a fate this time.

"Sorano?" She practically whispered to him, hoping to hide her voice from the others in the house. "I got your pipe."

He looked at her, not at all convinced she was telling the truth. Up until she actually pulled said object from her pocket.

There, in Smith's dainty little hands, was a pipe of the finest craftsmanship. Made of briar wood, just as he requested.

Sorano looked at the thing in awe partially brought about by its beauty, and partially because he was shocked Smith had actually gotten it for him.

"It's … perfect."

"Let me go and it's all yours."

Just a simple plea. All he had to do was move two feet to the side and he'd have his pipe. And with it, all the calming comforts of tobacco. But … in doing so he'd forsake Kurusu's desire to receive answers. He'd leave his semi-friend in the dark. _Or, I could just tell him? I mean, why the hell have the other three not let him know about this? It's kind of important!_

Even with that, there was still the question of how to address Smith telling Kurusu to choose a girl. It was a lose-lose situation in Sorano's mind. Choosing one would ultimately hurt the other two greatly. But never choosing would hurt them all to a lesser extent. In forcing Kurusu to make a choice Smith was being merciful, pushing the sap into making a move. But she was also escalating the problem tenfold. _And one the eve of a full moon no less!_

This was abhorrent. It reduced the three girls into mere love interests for the protagonist, and it pushed Kurusu into making a decision he may not even want to make. Did Smith not consider the possibility that Kurusu maybe just wasn't into any of the girls? Yes that was unlikely, but it wasn't impossible. What if he had a childhood sweetheart or something? Or what if he was gay? _Or even worse, what if he's a cuckold? He'd get more pleasure in never getting the girl. Damn, I hope I never meet someone like that._

More importantly, where did this leave Sorano? Smith had given him the job of keeping Kurusu and Miia from committing the act of coitus. That ended up extending to Cerea and Papi, did it not? Or was Sorano's job to cockblock Miia and allow Kurusu to pick one of the other two? Wouldn't that be kind of sadistic? Or … what if Smith wanted him to do the opposite now? Play matchmaker for the four, like some sick edition of the Bachelor.

 _I'm just going to hope my role hasn't changed. Keep them from having sex. All while the kid tries to find a partner for life? What?_ Wasn't body compatibility a big part of such a thing? Especially in this situation? What if Kurusu ended up deciding Cerea was his choice? Only to find out while sealing the deal that sticking his bits into a horse wasn't his cup of tea? _Can I really say he'd be shallow in doing so? I mean, I wouldn't want to stick mine into a human, so why should he be forced to accept any of this?_

It was just a frustrating experience all around. The government was playing with this kid as if he were a lab rat. These girls were being used to test the waters in human-liminal romance. And Sorano was being used to … what? See how much insanity a liminal can take before they commit suicide? Test if his species had the mental fortitude to continue in such an environment? Was this merely for laughs? Is this like some demented version of Candid Camera? Would someone come out and tell him he'd been fooled after making him go along with this wild ride?

Sorano didn't know. And that uneased him. He had no idea how to go about this. He had no idea what Smith's game was. He'd had an idea. She wanted him to bond with other people and hopefully become less antisocial because of this. So she came up with a weak excuse to put him with a homestay that just so happened to have another liminal with them that could act as a mediator if things went south. Clever. But now? Now he had no idea where Smith was going with this, and he suspected she didn't either. The big wig higherups were to blame. That was certain.

All of this ran through his mind as he contemplated whether or not to let Smith go. Smith watched him as he stood stock still, thinking silently to himself. Everyone watched him really. It was just so odd to see the man quiet and reserved. He'd done so at the park and it'd taken everyone aback, but now, after his passionate outburst, it seemed even more contradicting that he was actually pondering whether or not to let Smith go.

That's what those outside his mind thought. Meanwhile, Sorano himself had actually come to a conclusion. _She's … not the one pulling the strings._ He looked right into Smith's eyes, noticing the deep bags underneath them that spoke of sleepless hours. He'd had many conversations with her in her office about this exact same thing. Except … it was always spoken of indirectly. Smith never talked about how she had little power on what went on. She only spoke of how little help she received and how overworked the entire agency was. The closest she'd come to outright admitting she was helpless was his last visit to her office, where she'd said she couldn't do anything about the ridiculous laws of this land.

That conversation flowed through Sorano's memories, and it let him make a decision with a clear conscience.

"Go ahead."

Smith smiled at him, a warm smile that would touch his heart if he had the softness to let it. "Why thank you, dear. Here you go." She placed her hand in his palm, dropping the pipe into it. And then, as he moved out of the way, she walked past him and towards her car parked outside.

"Sorano?" Kurusu seemed worried. Also a tad … regretful? Was he regretting confronting Smith? Or was it because he's regretting that Sorano didn't stand by him till the very end? Or perhaps–

"Why did you let her go over a stupid pipe?!" Miia practically wailed at the invisible man. "Darling just wanted to ask her something and you let her go!" Tears started raining down her cheeks. "You were supposed to hold her back, you said you'd keep her from …." And with that she broke into full-on weeping. "I'm sorry. I just …. It's been a long day." She slithered off, offering a half-hearted 'goodnight' to everyone as she went to her room.

Sorano wasn't sure how to judge that. Something undoubtedly went on while he was gone. He watches as Kurusu moves to follow her, and likely comfort her in her pitiful state. But he stops the boy, shaking his head to let him know he needed to give her some space. If Kurusu went with her now it'd be disastrous. He'd be alone with her with the full moon out. Sorano didn't want to think about what'd become of him.

"Master … I feel it's best to follow her lead and retire for the night. Do not hesitate to call me should you need to." And with that curt farewell Cerea followed in Miia's 'footsteps'. Clomping off to her room down the hall.

Papi yawned, stretching her wings out as she does so. "Mmm, Papi's tired too. Night hubby. Night Mr. Bandages."

Sorano slowly waved goodbye as she turned and left.

"Sorano?" Again, Kurusu called to him in that worried/disappointed tone.

"Kid? I … I'm sorry. But we're not going to get much sleep tonight."

"What?" It caught him off guard. He was expecting the same murmuring of 'goodnight' his past three guests offered before slinking away.

"Hope you don't mind, but it's a full moon tonight. Can't dilly dally with this." He began lugging in his bag, letting the heavy load scrape against the tile floor as he dragged it.

"You said something about that to Smith? What's special about the full moon?"

With a grunt, Sorano forced the bag onto the nearby kitchen counter. "Not 100% how it works, kid. But the gist of it is this: the full moon makes liminals horny."

"What."

The flabbergasted expression on his host's face caused Sorano to snort in amusement. "Exactly. They're going to try and rape you to death."

"They're going to do what now?!"

And with that Sorano began chuckling outright. "Don't get excited, boy. We're going to stop that from happening."

Kurusu looked at him, eyes wandering over the disheveled mess of a man in front of him. "Um … won't the moon do the same to you?"

Now, if Sorano were chuckling before he was damn-near dying of laughter at that. For all of two seconds, and then that laugh diminished into a weak cough. "I'd need to take an entire bottle of Viagra to have the libido to be tainted by the moon. Trust me, kid. I'm probably the only liminal in this city that you're going to be able to turn to."

"No … that's not what I meant."

Sorano looked at the young man, obviously urging him to continue his explanation.

"Won't the moon make them go after you too?"

That single question caused Sorano to feel a brief moment of dread in the pit of his stomach. A cold shiver ran down his spine, wholly unnerving him. But it passed, replaced by something more akin to stern determination.

"I doubt that, kid. They'll go after whoever's the better potential mate."

He let Kurusu put two and two together, not at all wishing to explain exactly why Kurusu was a better match than him. Such a thing would sully his pride to irreparable measures.

"How are we going to stop them? They're stronger than both of us?" Thankfully, Kurusu didn't have the guts to ask him to elaborate, instead deciding it best to get to the point.

"Both of us?"

"Yeah?"

Sorano snorted, this time not out of amusement. "Try again. I'm probably stronger than all of you combined."

The awe in his host's eyes made him wish he hadn't commented. "Really? That's great! You can hold them back the entire night!"

Sorano raised an unseen eyebrow at the idea. "I may be strong, but I lack endurance. I'd probably be able to hold them at bay for five minutes at best before tiring out." He gestured to the pile of crap he'd accumulated in the past few hours. "Which is why I have this junk. Ever fight a guerilla war, kid?"

It was a rhetorical question. Anyone that took a glance at Kurusu knew he hadn't seen a single second in combat.

"Help me set this stuff up."

"Then what?"

"Go back to your room. You're going to be the bait."

Kurusu gaped in shock, stuttering over his next few words as he started to process exactly what Sorano had in mind. "Y-y-you … don't mean–?"

"Yup. We're setting up ambushes, and you're going to lead them into them."

"That doesn't sound like a good idea."

"You have a better one?"

Kurusu thought for a moment, chin cupped in his hand as he worked to come up with a solution.

"We can't just lock them in their rooms?"

Sorano frowned and shook his head. "No, they'd just break through later in the night when the moon's at its fullest."

"What about hiding?"

"They'd tear the house down looking for you."

"I just don't feel right about doing this to them. Isn't there a way to avoid it outright?"

"You want to let them fuck you to death?"

"Never mind. Can we attack them first?"

"Hmm …." Sorano sat down as he thought this over. "You're suggesting a preemptive strike?"

"Uh … I guess?"

"How bold of you." A smile blossomed underneath his bandages. "We're going to have to hit them hard. That means you'll have to trust me to take them down quick. If you do anything it'll be considered 'breaking the law'." He air-quoted the last part of that sentence, clearly disgusted with it.

"You're going to have to trust me on this one? Listen to everything I say?"

Kurusu nodded, a smile of his own forming. "Of course. As long as you promise not to hurt them. I'd trust you with my life."

 _The fuck is wrong with this retard?!_ Sorano couldn't help but break into a cold sweat at the utter confidence his host had placed into him. It was … discomforting to be trusted so easily.

"Err, let's just go over how we're going to do this. First thing's first: I need you to start filling these up with ice water." He brought a bag of balloons out of the sack. "We'll go from there."

Kurusu had a good idea as to what he was planning, and he was grateful Sorano wasn't planning something that could potentially injure his other housemates. "Sounds good. Let's get through this. Together." He held out his hand to Sorano, mirroring the gesture the liminal had done when they first met.

Sorano looked at the outstretched hand, then he looked up into Kurusu's eyes. There was a warmth in them, one that Sorano couldn't help but copy. He grabbed Kurusu's hand, shaking it vigorously in an affirmation of their comradery.

 _Please, dear God, don't make him queer for me. I know I'm fabulous, but don't let him fall under the moon's trance too._

Sorano sighed, mentally accepting what was going to happen in the next few hours.

 _It's going to be hard enough dealing with these girls tonight._

* * *

 **AN: Well look at that! I actually managed to get off my lazy ass and whip up two chapters in just as many weeks! I'm already pumped at the thought of having a third one up within another week. Though ... don't get your hopes up TOO high. I am a rather unreliable guy after all, lol.**

 **Also, I intentionally named this chapter 'Moonchild' to get you all hyped up for next chapter! How sick am I? Mwahahaha!**

 **Now it's that time again! Response time!**

 **Overtale: Damn right I'm back! And here to stay, lol. You'll be seeing many more updates involving the old man, mark my words.**

 **King0fP0wers: Basically. Take the stereotypical 'get off my lawn' grandfather (*cough Walt Kowalski in Gran Torino cough*). Crank their personality up to eleven and you've got Sorano. And I do have to agree with you on your second point. I don't think I've EVER read a story involving an old man. I've read plenty with an adult involved. Plenty involving teenagers and children. Heck, I even read a Fate fic that started out with the character being born. But I've never read one with an old semi-senile dude as the MC. What is this? Age-discrimination, lol. I love how you're thinking about the intricacies of Sorano x Slime action XD. I'll just say that during the deed Sorano was actually visible (on account of being fully submerged inside of her). ... Ok, I'll admit that's weird. Kind of gross too. But hey, it sounds freaking hilarious, lol. As for the casual racist attitude of Sorano, well you can see it's been elevated ever so slightly. He's also against having intercourse with humans. Who would have figured? Will this make him immune to the wiles of Kurusu? To be honest I kind of see him getting along the most with those last three. Don't want to spoil too much, but he's going to start off treating Mero like a complete buffoon but slowly warm up to considerably her right around when they meet her mom. He'll be amicable to Rachnee (I plan on him treating the more 'dangerous' species with something close to respect) and she'll end up helping him with his bandage problem. As for Lala, well she doesn't get a whole lot of focus in the manga (asides from that chapter she's at the hospital with Kurusu) so I plan on him interacting with her almost daily. His pessimism would go well with her Chuuni nature. Just imagine how she'd react if he started quoting Nietzsche only to say "Yeah, I met that guy. He was such a Debbie Downer." He'll probably interact with Suu like he does with Papi. Don't expect any fatherly attachment forming. Probably more of a grumpy grandfather treatment, lol. He'll scold them and smack them with a yardstick when they do something dumb.**

 **V-rcingetorix: I'd like to imagine he'd be cursing everyone in Old English or something. Just picture a bite-sized Sorano telling George Washington to 'Go sard yourself'. Hmm ... there's one big problem I see with this. It'll tempt me to include him in most of the really amazing battles throughout history as well! I'd just love to include Sorano in the Argonne Forest fighting alongside the Lost Battalion, or heck how about tossing him into the Battle at Gravia Inn rejoining his fellow Greeks to hold out against eight thousand Ottomans charging their position? And when pushing back his origin even further in history I'd be tempted to include him in things like the Siege of Acres or the sacking of Constantinople. Heck, Sorano could have made his way to Eastern Europe at some point too. Just imagine him interacting with all the weird Polish mythological creatures, only to go "Hold up guys I hear Vienna needs some help" before rushing off to join the Winged Hussars. I have a few questions though. First, can you picture someone like Sorano being involved in history so dramatically? I mean, I can't really see him being the guy with enough balls to march into battle, let alone doing this for around a** **millennia. Two, can you picture Sorano managing to blend in? I'd imagine he'd do by covering himself in chain mail or perhaps the robes of a monk or something. But wouldn't there eventually be a Mulan-esque reveal that freaks everyone out? Come to think of it I might have answered my own question. Being shunned by his comrades in arms because of his supernatural appearance might bring about the beginning of his intolerance towards humanity. Lastly, can you picture Sorano as being capable of convincingly interacting with humans? Perhaps younger Sorano was more forgiving of them, and actually managed to make friends. But would he willingly participate in our history when it has no stake on him? Really these are a bunch of things I feel I have a good idea on how to answer, but I'm curious how you'll respond. I could make Sorano everything from a paladin to a plague doctor (I'd imagine he'd be able to pull that off easily) but I'm sort of wondering how to answer his motive for this. I'm definitely going to look into that city, as no matter what time period I decide to have Sorano originate from it's going to definitely be in Greece. I mean, the word 'cryptid' originates from Greek so it just makes sense, lol. You have a point with the clothes as well. That's a subplot I've been thinking about actually. The government wishing to study Sorano so as to develop stealth suits for their special forces. And I hadn't even thought of those sort of full body elastic suits that are around. They'd be perfect for Sorano! He'd look like some rip-off Slenderman, but at least he'd manage to fit in a little better as a cosplayer. Thanks for the insight, you've definitely covered some bases I never considered!**

 **PixelDemise: This is exactly what I'm going for, lol. I've made a list of all the times I've been baffled while watching the anime (and later reading the manga). Yes I'm that type of guy that likes to take the piss out of everything, lol. That's going to be Sorano's role in this. Taking the piss out of the ridiculous nature of it all. Thank you for your kind words! I'm ecstatic to see I actually managed to make someone laugh with that cheesy joke :D**

 **Guest: It sort of started as a roast and sort of inadvertently developed into a 'how does any of this work' inner monologue when I was writing it, lol. I'm glad to see it came out alright nonetheless. Hopefully this early entrance of Draco topped it in terms of hilariousness. If not I can assure you the next chapter, the one I've been building the past three chapters, will. As you can see he's not going to go solo and actually will involve Kurusu in the game plan. I did that to avoid it focusing extensively just on Sorano. He is just a side-character after all. Sorano's exploits are currently a work in progress, lol. It all depends on what I decide would be a cool reference to make. I dunno, maybe in the future I'll make some sort of prequel involving Sorano's historical excursions throughout the world as he interacts with historical figures and mythological creatures alike. But ... that sounds like something that'd take years to finish and we haven't even gotten done with Monster Musume yet. I'd say he's always been sort of lazy. Not so much grumpy. You could probably have called him a slacker in his youth, but he definitely had more passion in him than now. Hence those few moments in which he acts decades younger. That's essentially a hint as to how he used to be. A relaxed (read: lazy), determined, logical young man that wanted to make his mark on the world. Then he experienced (at least) the Greek War for Independence against the Ottomans, the American Revolution, the French one, WWI, the Spanish Civil War, WWII (on the Eastern front) and Soviet Russia (in its entirety). I'd say that does a lot to someone. Hope that sort of answered your question (or at least interested you in seeing how these things will be brought up). Thanks for the review!**


	15. One Exciting Night

**Disclaimer: This is going to be the first and last disclaimer I do for this story, but I felt I should warn you all of how wild this chapter is going to get. I'm not kidding here. For better or worse, I went all guns blazing with this one. Seriously, I almost feel like this chapter alone should make this story rated M. You've been warned!**

* * *

"Hey, Sorano?"

"Yes, kid?"

"Were the sandbags necessary?"

They were stationed in one of the few defensible parts of the house. There were only two rooms so far that didn't have any windows in them. Sorano's room, and the largest bathroom. Sorano sure as hell wasn't going to let the ground zero of this shit show happen in his room. Unlike most people in this place he actually had possessions of considerable value. _Looking at you horse lady, and your shitty cosplay sword. Wasn't worth the effort it took to dismantle._

"Of course, kid. Haven't you ever fought in war?"

"Uh … why are you asking this again? Have you ever fought in a war?"

It was a sincerely good question, one that caused Sorano to pause as he thought of a proper answer. "I find myself fighting a battle for my sanity. Every. Single. Day." He sighed, allowing his shoulders to sag as he wallowed in self-pity.

Kurusu just sweatdropped, completely flabbergasted at the melodramatic nature of his foxhole buddy. "Sorry?"

A sniffle came from Sorano's portion of the emplacement, his back turned towards Kurusu as he fumbled with his hands in the corner. They had done an excellent job at locking down this sector of the house. What had once been just an overtly-sized bathroom had become something of a kill zone.

Wires were laced throughout the room, tied to various instruments they'd set up around them. These ranged from simple water balloons (which would be burst upon the trip wire being set off), to corked up champagne bottles filled with ice water, and even a few water guns aimed in various angle at the doorway.

Sorano and Kurusu had barricaded themselves in the bathtub. Stacking sandbags, of all things, up against the porcelain tub to provide them some form of cover in the forthcoming massacre. Sorano didn't want to get his nonexistent hair wet.

"Don't worry about it, kid." With his moment of faux sorrow over, the man straightened up, grabbing ahold of the water cannon next to him. Kurusu was armed with just a tiny little water pistol. _Wouldn't want the kid to do something stupid and poke his eye out, after all._

"Alright, all you need to do is make your way through the route we mapped out and back here. Simple, right?"

Kurusu nodded, determination blazing in his eyes.

"Got it." He balled his fists up, readying himself for the horror he was about to experience. Sorano had clued him in on the finer details of what was going to happen, and he'd made it abundantly clear that Kurusu was not to allow himself to be caught. No matter what.

"Remember, you're Japanese, kid. So … what do you do when caught?"

That was the motivational speech he'd given. Kurusu hadn't even felt the need to explain to him exactly why that was idiotic to say. He couldn't exactly commit seppuku with a plastic water gun, now could he? Unless he were to somehow attempt to drown himself with the single fluid ounce of liquid it shot out. That might work. If he stuck it down his windpipe maybe.

"Sorano …" Something dawned on Kurusu as he gazed upon the minefield they'd established before them. "How am I supposed to get out of here to draw them here?"

Sorano matched his gaze, eyes metaphorically glazing over as he took note of the sheer impossibility of getting out of the bathroom. They'd established a fortress so well defended they couldn't even leave it.

"How the hell should I know? Awaken your inner Tom Cruise, maybe?"

"He needed wires to pull that stunt off in Mission Impossible!"

Sorano looked at the boy, gesturing at the veritable arsenal of wire related weaponry before them. "We want for many things. Wires are not one of them."

"But I'd need to disarm them, to use them, to get over them!"

"Well, whining isn't going to solve this. How about I grab you and throw you to the door?"

"That … might work?" The human didn't sound convinced at all.

"Or, we could just wait here. Maybe they'll stumble across us? But that'd waste all the other junk we've got set up around the rest of the house…."

"Sorano?"

"Yes, kid?"

"Shouldn't we be able to hear them?"

"… Come again?"

"Wouldn't they be making some sort of noise? I mean, the moon's out already isn't it?"

Sorano looked at a very expensive looking wristwatch fastened to his forearm. "Yeah, its half past midnight."

"So, it's been out for a while. And they haven't been able to find us. What do you think that's doing to them?"

Sorano pondered where his train of thought was going, not at all liking the implications the young man's hypothesis held. "Well, without you around as a tool to exert their pent-up lust. I'd say it'd reach a boiling point before long. Critical mass so to speak. In fact, they'd get so horny they'd probably tear the house down in search of you."

"So, why haven't we heard anything? Shouldn't they have at least set off some of the alarms?"

A cold shiver ran down Sorano's spine.

"And also, where did you get that watch?"

"Kid … now's … not the time. We need to evacu–!"

He didn't get to finish his sentence. A loud bang echoed throughout the room. The wall nearest to Kurusu, the one to their right, had a hairline crack in it. A crack that hadn't been there a moment ago.

"Oh, shit." Sorano's eyes widened at the mild damage. Something within him clicked and he started shoving sandbags in front of that wall, hoping to cover it as best he could.

"What?!"

"Kid! I need you to get out of here! Follow the plan! I'll meet you in the kitchen!"

"But–!"

"No 'buts'! Just get your butt the hell out of here before–!"

Another bang, this time sounding eerily similar to a sledgehammer striking cinderblock, resounded throughout the bathroom. The bathroom that was becoming rather cramped in its stifling options for escape.

The hairline crack spread, expanding like a spider web throughout the entirety of the wall. Sorano could see it even with the sandbags stacked in front. It reached all the way up to the ceiling, causing specks of debris to flutter down on top of their heads.

"I really wish this was a shower."

"How come?" Something could be said about the calm serenity in Kurusu's voice. He was either oblivious to the impending danger facing them, or he was just one cool cat. Sorano was betting on the former and not the later.

"We could then at least get them when they–!"

 **Boom!**

A fist-sized hole opened up in the wall. In this case it might be better to use the term 'hoof-sized'.

Both Kurusu and Sorano gaped at the newly formed window to the other side. Sorano couldn't help but push aside his sunglasses, just to give himself a clearer picture of what was going on. They could see into the room adjacent to them. Or at least they should have been able to. Instead they could only see a single thing. A single amber colored eye. Its catlike slit of a pupil stared back.

"Daaarrrllliiinnnggg…."

Sorano did the only thing he could think of doing. He grabbed his weapon (a Nerf Super soaker), aimed it straight at the peeping Tom before him, and jerked the pump back furiously to charge it.

This awkward little showdown lasted roughly three seconds. Three seconds of glorious terrifying anticipation as the lone voyeuristic eye wandered briefly over the grunting liminal male pumping his gun furiously, and towards the younger human man next to him.

They met each other's gaze, and contact was made with the other side.

Up until Sorano pulled the trigger, sending roughly 850 milliliters worth of water gushing into Miia's unprotected eye.

"Miia!" Kurusu rushed to the gloryhole, pushing his way past Sorano. "Are you alright?" He made the mistake of sticking his peeper to the hole. What he saw tempted deep primal urges within him. Miia was wearing lingerie of all things. Papi was fully nude below the belt. And Cerea … well to be honest she was looking pretty much the same. Oh, except she did sort of pop open her blouse, giving a clear view of her bosom in all its bare glory.

"Kid!" Kurusu couldn't help but stare, entranced by the majestic sight before him. He knew he needed to steel his nerve though, and he almost did it all on his own. Except Sorano beat him to the punch.

Right when he was about to pull himself away from the hole, Kurusu felt an iron claw grasp onto his shoulder. It was Sorano's hand, and it was grabbing him so tightly it was cutting off blood circulation to the rest of his arm.

Thankfully, this manhandling lasted less than a millisecond, because next came something Kurusu would never forget. He was lifted up by neck, like a kitten being carried by their mother, and shoved into Sorano's chest.

The Cloaker wrapped his arms around the boy, and turned his back to the bathroom wall. Kurusu could barely yelp out in confusion before he realized why Sorano had shielded him so suddenly.

Another kick had shaken the wall. And it had created a crisscrossing fracture throughout. Before it looked like a spider's web, now it looked like a pane of glass moments before it shattered.

The entire right side of the bathroom exploded.

Shrapnel flew about, soaring throughout the enclosed space and ricocheting about.

Water spewed out from the newly destroyed sink, like a geyser's glorious eruption.

The next part was even worse. Somewhere along the line a piece of rubble struck one of the wires strewed about on the ground. What followed was a chain reaction to rival the effect Franz Ferdinand's murder had on Europe.

At least fifty water balloons exploded, shooting liters of water and bits of plastic throughout the air. Corks of champagne bottles zoomed overhead in mock celebration of the wall coming down. Then came the water soakers. Their aim had been knocked astray by the destruction, and because of this they shot not at the door they'd been pointed at, but haphazardly around the room they were supposed to safeguard.

Sorano was struck in the back of the head, the first casualty in the War of Kurusu's House.

He felt his life ebb from him. Another brave soul lost to the cruelty of battle. His memory shall be remembered evermore. Or … maybe it wasn't the weak fountain of water that was causing him not to feel anything? Maybe it was the human clinging to him for dear life and screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Will you shut up? And stop holding me so tightly. I can't breath."

Kurusu's wailing was cut short, and he looked up to the guy he was stuck to like glue.

"Heh. Sorry. I couldn't help myself." If he could, he'd sheepishly rub the back of his head. Instead he just settled for an appeasing grin.

"No problem. At least the fireworks didn't–"

Famous last words.

Sorano had made the odd decision to mix firecrackers amidst his obstacle course. It made little sense, what with the heavy focus on water, but in the back of his mind he thought of it as a contingency plan. Something to be set off when all hope was lost.

All hope wasn't lost.

But it still was set off.

A bundle of roughly five hundred firecrackers exploded, set alit by a single match striking a strip of sandpaper.

Originally this was supposed to happen in the cabinet underneath the sink. In an enclosed space, where the sound would deafen any assaulters, but wouldn't cause any collateral damage.

Then the sink, along with most of that cabinet, had been busted.

Meaning there was plenty of room for those firecrackers to launch about the room.

"Go!" Sorano stood up, grabbing Kurusu as he did so, and started hustling his way through the chaos that'd erupted.

Not a moment too soon. The girls were hot on his heels, caring little for the fireworks that were scorching their hair.

Sorano paid them no mind either, idly taking note of how he'd need to replace his bandages at this rate, and silently thanking God for the downpour that'd soaked him enough where he didn't combust like the Wicker Man.

He barreled straight through the bathroom door, not bothering to stop and open it like a normal person.

"Shit … that kind of hurt." Sorano glanced back at the hole he'd made in the door, all while brushing splinters off of him. The biggest splinter (Kurusu) was slightly harder to remove. He clung to Sorano for dear life, his face set into a position that told a tale all its own.

"Hey, kid? Didn't your mama ever tell you if you hold a face like for too long it'll get stuck? I don't really want to look at your visual interpretation of the phrase 'fuck my life' forever."

Kurusu unlatched himself from Sorano, awkwardly laughing at himself over how he reacted. "Sorry, but that was kind of terrifying."

Sorano sighed. "What's with you and apologizing? Are you half-Canadian, eh?"

"Uh, I don't think so?"

Their conversation was cut short, however, when Kurusu noticed the slight widening of Sorano's 'eyes'. (Really he just saw how his glasses moved upwards and assumed from that what Sorano's expression was.)

"What's up?"

"Kid, I should have kept running. Sorry about that."

"Heh, now you're the one apologizing."

"Yeah, I know. Don't expect it to happen again."

"Come on, it can't be that b–" Famous. Last. Words.

Kurusu turned to look back into the bathroom, expecting to see the girls stalled by the various improvised explosives Sorano had rigged in the room. Surprisingly enough, they weren't being harassed by firecrackers. No, they'd somehow collectively made their way past the wreckage that was now the bathroom, and were directly in front of Kurusu's face.

The only thing keeping them from tackling him to the ground?

The doorway.

In their excitement they'd tried to charge him all at once. That led to the three girls trying to squeeze through a door that (while stretched to allow for liminal use) simply could not allow for them to leave all at once.

Honestly their main issue was in how Cerea made it to the door first. Maybe if Miia or Papi had gotten there they could have wiggled their way through. But with the centaur's prominent assets, her rear in this case, it was impossible for such a thing.

All of them were stuck. Stuck like two middle fingers in a Chinese finger trap.

Two middle fingers were currently free at the moment, raised proudly in the air for the three girls to see.

Sorano's moment of shock had passed just as quickly as it came, and instead of capitalizing at it, he'd decided to gloat.

"Suck on that, you stupid hormonal children! I am the apex species of this world! Unaffected by pesky things like doors, full moons, and societal pleasantries! Suck my motherfucking–!"

"Sorano?"

"Yes, kid?"

"Is that wall going to hold them?" Kurusu pointed to the wall which housed the entryway to the bathroom. Cracks were starting to form in the plaster, just like what had happened in the interior of the room.

"Kid?"

"Yeah?"

Both men shared a look, and a mental connection seemed to travel between them.

 _Run._

They took off sprinting down the halls.

… In completely different directions.

"I thought we were supposed to go to the kitchen?!"

"No plan survives enemy contact, kid! They're not tired enough, let's wear them down through the rest of the house first!"

"Got it!" Kurusu scurried back towards Sorano, who continued his flight towards the stairs.

Of course, this was Sorano we're talking about. He had to stop several times to catch his breath. This gave Kurusu plenty of time to catch up to him, crossing the distance his head start had given him in but a few seconds. After that … well, he had to wait for Sorano to catch his breath. All while the three girls slowly fought their way out of the bathroom.

It was probably one of the tensest moments of Kurusu's life. Like something straight out of a slasher film.

"Kid … leave me. I'm too slow."

Kurusu knew he couldn't do that. Sorano would be mauled by the others if he stood in their path. Besides, splitting up was always a bad idea.

"I'll carry you."

Sorano's baffled expression was something to behold. "Are you retarded? I'm way too heavy for that."

"How heavy?"

"Kid, never ask a girl for her weight."

"You're not a girl. You're a grumpy old man."

"And you're a little twerp. You'd snap like a twig if you tried to lift me."

"I can't leave you here."

"Yes, you can, the stairs are like right there." Sorano pointed at them, they were less than ten feet away. "Just go."

"And leave you here?"

"What's the alterna–?" He was cut short when Kurusu started pawing at him. "Let go, you dumbass! I'm not getting manhandled by some human pipsqueak that can barely– woah!" He'd done it. Kurusu had successfully hoisted Sorano onto his back. It was … an interesting sight to say the least.

"Now– urk! L-l-let's … get out of here."

"Kid? I don't know how you did that and I don't know why you did that. But I want you to know something."

"W-w-what?"

"That was sexual assault. I'm going to sue your ass into oblivion."

A pained chuckle was Kurusu's reply. "I'm … not afraid."

"Oh you will be. You will be."

Despite his threats, Sorano was actually amused by this sudden turn of events. _It's kind of like a rickshaw ride, except without the rickshaw. If I had a pillow, or something, to support me, I might actually enjoy this. Definitely better than having to run._ He shrugged accepting the ridiculousness of it all in stride.

"Alright, if you insist, I'll go along with this insanity. Mush, little doggie! Mush!"

Kurusu took off. He stormed up the stairs, despite his body's protests.

"Go, Daniel-san! Wax on, wax off!"

"W-w-what?"

"It was the eighties, kid. Had to be there to understand."

"Aren't you just referencing the Karate Kid?"

"Well, it looks like you've caught your breath back. Must mean you're not **pushing yourself hard enough.** Go faster before they catch us!"

It was sound advice, as their pursuers broke free right then.

'Broke free' is a phrase that doesn't do their action justice. What really happened was the wall's evaporation. One second it was there. The next? Gone. Completely gone. So thoroughly had they destroyed it that it looked like there was never a wall there to begin with. The only reminder that there was were the sparse pieces of rubbles speckled around on the floor.

"I'm going to have to sweep that up later."

"Kid? Less worrying about cleaning, more worrying about surviving!"

Kurusu roadie ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time in his haste to escape.

"Stop!"

"Whoa!" Kurusu halted in his tracks, almost falling on his ass because of the sudden lack of weight on his shoulders.

Sorano had hopped off, rushing towards something he'd left near the stairs in preparation for this.

"Sorano?"

"Get to the balcony." The tone he adopted was serious. Dead serious. It left little room for questioning. But the face he wore? The one vaguely outlined underneath his wrappings? Well … that was completely lacking in seriousness.

"What's so funny?" Kurusu's vision lingered over the uncovered container he had next to him. Inside it was a mixture of gray slop, the consistency of which made Kurusu think of oatmeal.

"What's that?"

Sorano had to hold back snickers with one hand, using his other to hand mix the goop in his vat. "Just a little surprise." He removed his hand from the mix, showing Kurusu how it had bound itself into a weak cast of his hand.

"Is that ….?"

"Quick-setting cement? Bet your ass it is."

"You can't just toss that on them!"

Sorano made a 'pff' noise, showing his dismissal of Kurusu's protests. "Clearly you've never defended a castle in siege warfare. The name of the game is to use whatever you have available. You're just lucky I couldn't whip up some hot tar."

"Sorano!"

"What? Hey, don't look down on me! It's really hard to make!"

"No! You can't just throw concrete on them! What if they get hurt?"

"That law only applies to human-liminal violence. Gots nothing to do with liminal on liminal conflict." And with that he lifted the bucket of Quikrete over the railing, pouring the stew onto the heads of the girls that were scurrying up the stairs after them.

"Stupid chicks. They tried to climb up at the same time." He watched as the concoction coated their backs, taking great pleasure in the cries of protest that reached his ears. "Ok, that'll slow them down a little. Now do what I said and get to the balcony."

"Are they ok?"

"Pssshhh. 'Are they ok'? Are you ok? They're monsters, pal. If they can't handle that they don't deserve to bear that title."

"Aren't you all technically considered liminals?"

"Bah! Semantics. I like to call a spade a spade, if you get what I mean. Now let's get the hell out of here before they–"

"Hubby! Help Papi make an egg!"

He was cut off by the harpy crawling her way up the last step of stairs. Her wings, coated in concrete, slowed her down considerably. And yet she still managed to inch ahead of the other two that were in even worse shape.

"Hey, birdbrain?" Papi's unfocused gaze briefly flicked to Sorano. "You want an egg? Grab one out of the fucking fridge." And with that he kicked her down the stairs. Not violently, mind you. Really all he did was tap her lightly with the heel of his shoe. The concrete did the rest, weighing her down enough that she tipped backwards and down the stairs.

"Sorano!"

"Yeah, yeah. You're telling me you wouldn't have done the same?"

"Yes! I wouldn't have done that!"

"Well, sheesh, looks like you'll never be King of Sparta anytime soon."

"You could have seriously hurt her!"

"Would you rather they seriously hurt you?"

It was a good point, one that Kurusu couldn't help but concede. At least, that's what any logical person would think. Kurusu was … illogical in his selflessness. "If I can stop them from getting hurt, I'll do it. Even if I have to get hurt for them."

Sorano sighed, facepalming at the lack of understanding his partner in crime had. "And we were doing so good too. I convinced you to let me use firecrackers, water, sandbags …."

"You never mentioned those."

"You said I could use the chili sauce, right?"

"What chili sauce?"

"Oh, never mind then. Just gotta remember to cover your eyes when we run through the foyer." Sorano sauntered up to Kurusu getting right in the younger man's face. "Kid, let's get one thing straight." He did something … unexpected. He didn't hit Kurusu. He didn't yell at him. He didn't call him a moron. He grabbed his nose.

"Got your nose." And then he extended his thumb between his index and middle fingers in a closed fist. Childishly pretending the opposable digit was Kurusu's nose.

Kurusu couldn't help but stare in wonder at the stupidity of such an action. He'd didn't know what to expect, but he definitely didn't expect this.

"And do you know what that means?" Sorano placed his other hand on Kurusu's shoulder taking note of how he refused to tense up. "You should thank me."

"Thank you?"

"You're welcome. Because without your nose you don't have to smell that inane shit you're spewing from your mouth!" Ah, there were the harsh words Kurusu expected. "You're worried about them getting hurt? That's really kind of you. Guess what, they aren't worrying about you. The moon's got them fucked up in the head boy. More so than usual, that is." He released Kurusu, moving towards the door in front of them that would lead to the house's balcony. "You don't want to hurt them? Then don't let them hurt you. Do whatever it takes to stay safe. Let me do what I'm doing."

Sorano sighed once more, refusing to turn towards Kurusu as he opened the door. "Because for some reason they're in 'love' with you. Despite only knowing you for like … a few days? Shit, that centaur's only been her for like a day and she's head over heels for you. How does that work?" He let that rhetorical question hang, knowing fully well that Kurusu didn't have the answer. "Kid?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Are you slipping them roofies?"

"W-w-what?! No!"

"Hmm, did I hear hesitation? Bill Cosby, is that you?"

"No!"

"Zip zop zoobity bop?"

"What does that mean?"

"Oh, sorry, I just wanted to see if you responded to your mother tongue, Bill."

"I'm not Bill Cosby!"

"Are you Bill Clinton?"

"No!"

"You sure? I'd be pretty sweet if you could play the sax."

"I'm not drugging them so they fall in love with me!"

"Sooo … what you're saying is … you can't hook me up?"

"No!"

"Oh come on, I haven't been laid in like ninety years, kid."

"Absolutely not!"

"So … I'm not worthy of a roofie?" With this, Sorano broke into tears, bawling his eyes out as he came to the conclusion that Kurusu didn't deem him worthy of date-rape drugs.

That non-sequitur left Kurusu just completely baffled. How had the conversation taken such a turn? It was almost bipolar in how Sorano's tone changed so suddenly. Why were the even having a conversation right now? The others were almost at the top of the stairs.

"Uh … what?"

"Shit." It was a single, one worded response, and its timid tone did not at all suit the bravado Sorano tried to uphold. "Not now. Blasted moon!" Sorano looked down into his hands, balling them into fists when he realized what was happening. He shivered a little, clearly uncomfortable with what was taking place. Then he stopped, growing still to such a degree that Kurusu had to question whether or not he was even conscious anymore.

And that's precisely when his head bolted upright. Right when Kurusu let his guard down.

"All I want is love! Why can't you give it to me?!"

" **What?!** " Yes, the degree of sheer shock on Kurusu's face was so prominent it was worthy of being bolded. There was an insanity to Sorano's words, but it was unlike the usual insanity the man acted on. This was … feral. Like that of a rapid dog.

"Don't you Jap bastards have a word for this? Yahoo, or something?"

"Are you talking about 'yaoi'?"

"That's the one! Great, this means you're well educated. Now hurry up and drop the soap!"

It was then, with that single sentence, that Kurusu realized a few things.

First: Sorano was full of shit when he said the moon was unable to affect him.

Second: Sorano's species was apparently just as aggressive, if not worse, than the others.

Third: Sorano apparently had looser standards in this state.

And fourth (the most important one): Kurusu needed to get the hell out of here.

So he did the only thing he could do. He dived over the stair's railing.

Sorano had been closer to the balcony doors, and because of this he'd been farther away from the stairs than Kurusu. Unfortunately this also meant he (Kurusu) was closer to the other three girls that were trying to ravage his body.

Hey, he had to look on the bright side.

At least they were girls.

"Goddammit!" Kurusu rolled upon landing, barely avoiding the hand that Miia whipped out to latch onto his ankle.

"Swiggity, swooty, I'm coming for that booty~!"

No man, woman, or child, should ever have to hear such a thing. Especially not when it was coming from someone that was invisible without clothes.

Without clothes.

"No, no, no! Not doing this! Smith!" Kurusu ran. He ran for his life, for his chastity, for his dignity.

"Smith!" And he screamed. He screamed quite loudly. He screamed like–

"Squeal for me little piggy!"

Ok, he did considerably less screaming after that.

"Darling!"

"Master!"

"Hubby!"

Let us not forget the other three that were trying to get him. They too were chasing behind him. Though at least the concrete coating their bodies was slowing them down considerably.

Kurusu couldn't help but thank Sorano for that at least. Except it seemed … awfully convenient.

Had Sorano done this to get rid of the competition? Had he planned this all along?

No, he couldn't have been affected by the moon the entire night. Or else he would have tried something when they were alone together in the bathroom. Which meant this was an unexpected result. Something the bandaged man had not planned for.

Kurusu ducked underneath a tripwire, barely avoiding the obstacle rigged to set off a nearby airhorn. One of the alarms they had been talking about, unfortunately it was next than useless as of–

"Ah-ooh-ga!" It went off.

But, Kurusu could have sworn there wasn't anyone behind–

"Oh, hell." He heard the huffing and puffing. Right behind him, less than five feet away.

Kurusu did what any sensible man would have done in this situation. He ran faster.

Behind him he heard several more traps being sprung. Another horn. A flash camera set to go off in the face of whoever went by it. A pair of cymbals.

Sorano was purposefully setting them off. He had to be. He'd set them up. There was no way he forgot where he'd put them.

"Sonofabitch! I think I stepped on a thumbtack!"

Or … maybe he had actually forgot. Despite all the bragging regarding his photographic memory.

"Are you thinking about me, Darling!" And now he was calling Kurusu 'Darling'. It was bad enough when Smith did it. Hearing Sorano say it caused a shiver to run up Kurusu's spine. Not the good kind either.

"He's not your Darling! He's my Darling!"

Well, at least Miia had enough wits left to actually stick up for him in this situation. Although it wasn't exactly going to help him much if she just–

"What did you just say?! He's mine!" Sorano snarled at the lamia, bristling in agitation at her declaration.

"No, he's not! I was here first!" Just like that Miia set off a series of fortunate events. Fortunate for Kurusu that is. Not so much for everyone else.

"Master is mine and mine alone!" Cerea joined in, taking the bait that had been set up.

"Papi would be willing to share Hubby." And Papi actually proposed forming an honest to God harem.

"Shut it!" Things devolved all at once, with everyone sans Kurusu focusing intently on the harpy girl.

What followed was the second casualty in the War of Kurusu's House.

Papi was immediately dogpiled.

Sorano alone would have caused her some discomfort. Add in Miia's tail and Cerea's fatass and you've got a concoction that'd flatten even the strongest of heavyweights. Papi was no heavyweight. Harpies did have hollow bones after all.

"Remove your tail from my face this instance!"

"I'll do it as soon as he stops biting me!"

"If I have to, I'll chew it off!" The result was a squished harpy at the bottom, and a strange ménage a trois collision involving Sorano, Miia, and Cerea. Miia ended up wrapping her tail around Cerea's face, thankfully keeping her mouth free, and Sorano had somehow lodged his unwrapped jaws around aforementioned tail.

"Om nom nom nom!"

"Why are you adding sound effects?!"

"Psychological warfare, bitch!"

"Thou foul language is uncalled for. Apologize at once!"

"I don't give a rat's ass what your horse ass says!"

Kurusu managed to slip away in the ensuing mosh pit, making his way into the kitchen and hopefully to sanctuary.

There he found what Sorano had originally wanted them to get. A fireman's hose, jury-rigged to the sink's faucet with a liberal application of duct tape.

Several explosions went off in the hallway. That couldn't be a good sign.

The water that was slowly pooling on the tile floor confirmed this to be true.

"I'm going to have to clean this all up." Kurusu sighed, but pushed pass the oncoming depression. He had a task to complete after all.

A few turns of the sink's knob and he was weapons hot. All he needed was to wait. Wait for them to come to him and ambush them with the sheer pressure the hose could put out.

He waited.

And he waited.

And waited some more.

But the house had gone quiet after that explosion. Their bickering had ceased. But why had it–

"Ohayo." Kurusu practically jumped out of his skin at the sound of Sorano's voice. It was at the back of his neck, way too close in most normal social interactions.

He spun around, switching the hose's spray on as he did so. He only had one chance. He had to take advantage of it.

That one chance was immediately thrown out the window when Sorano wrapped his grasp around the hose and jerked its aim off course.

The stream blasted onto the wall, hitting far left of its intended target.

A dark chuckle came from Sorano, something that Kurusu wasn't at all comfortable hearing.

"You thought you could get me with my own trap? Foolish human."

Kurusu tried his best to direct the hose at the liminal, wiggling it around to try and get it to spray him back. It didn't budge an inch, continuing to empty itself all over the freshly remodeled wall.

"Give it up, kid. I promise I'll be gentle."

What in the hell was wrong with him? This didn't seem like the sort of thing he'd say normally. Sure, he generally crossed the line with most of what he said and did, but this? This was in a whole nother league in comparison to what he'd done before.

"Sorano, stop. This isn't you." So of course Kurusu, in his desperation, would attempt to appeal to the slightly more sane 'normal' Sorano. He couldn't beat him, so he needed to just convince him to give up. Simple, right?

There was a moment of silence. A beautiful moment in which it seemed Kurusu had broken through the man's moonlit trance.

"Well, duh, kid. It's the freaking moon fucking with my brain."

Kurusu breathed a breath of fresh air. After all the first part of handling a problem was to acknowledge its existence.

"But pointing that out isn't going to exactly help me or you in this situation, now is it?"

Annnddd … just like that the moment was gone.

"Now, tell me, who's your daddy?" Sorano produced the tranquilizer pistol he'd stolen from Smith a few hours prior. Where he pulled it from (considering he was unclothed) was not a question Kurusu wished to ask. He pointed it at Kurusu, not at all concerned about the fountain of water still spewing forth from the hose he was holding to the side. "Ten seconds, kid."

Kurusu was visibly sweating, not at all comfortable with this line of questioning. There were some things you just didn't say in polite company. Sorano might not have been polite, but he still had to have some standards, did he not? He wasn't seriously holding Kurusu at gunpoint over this, was he?

"Sorano … I–"

"Ten."

He was. He was actually going through with this.

"Sorano! Think about this! You'll be breaking the law!"

"Nine."

"You can't go through with this! It's illegal in so many ways!"

"Eight."

"Think of how the others will react! Think of how I'll react! It won't be a good reaction!"

"Seven."

"I don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable in my life. And that's saying something considering how 'touchy' Miia is."

"Six."

"Come to think of it, what happened to her and the others. There was that explosion and then …. Oh damn, you didn't kill them did you?!"

"Five."

"Sorano! How could you do that?! We're supposed to be housemates! We're supposed to get along (somewhat)!"

"Four."

"You know what? Shoot me. I dare you. I've taken worse. I can power through it."

"Three."

"On second thought, let's talk this out. There's no need to do this. I can't talk if I'm unconscious, can I?"

"Two."

"Where's Smith when you need her? Where's M.O.N.? Aren't they supposed to step in during these sort of situations?"

"One." And with that Sorano pulled the trigger several times … unloading the tranq gun's darts directly into his neck.

"Uh …." Kurusu was speechless as he watched Sorano stumble about, trying desperately to remain standing. His grasp on the hose faltered, and the hollow tube started wriggling about like a snake with its head cut off.

"Go to … the … crows … you damnable … moon." With that our hero/potential sex offender collapsed at the spot, the concoction from the darts spreading throughout his body at a rapid enough rate to knock him out cold.

Kurusu stood stock still, not at all believing he'd actually been spared. "Guess he was kind of immune to the moon. Just not as much as he thought." He sighed, completely pooped from the amount of stress he'd had to face in the last few hours. "I wonder if he'll be alright." He bent down to Sorano's sprawled out form. Figuring out where he was, despite his nudity, by using the darts buried into his neck for reference.

The human placed his ear to where he assumed to be Sorano's chest, trying his best to listen for some sort of heartbeat. None reached his ears. So in a panicked state he readjusted his position and tried see if he was breathing.

There. His chest (or what Kurusu supposed was a chest) was moving up and down, and air was blowing out of an area near where his face should have been.

"Good, he's still ok." It was a relief to see that the older liminal was alive. He may have given Kurusu a fright, but at least he tried to make the night less … hectic. Of course he had actually made it worse in the process. But it's the thought that counts, right?

"Now, I need to check up on the others. I don't know what that explosion was but it can't have been good." The homestay marched off, leaving Sorano with a roll of toweling underneath his head. It wasn't a pillow, but it gave him some support at least. The kitchen floor was hard after all.

He found the other three in a state of disarray. He also found out what had caused the explosion.

A flashbang. In combination with a ruptured water pipe.

"So he stunned them? And then when they were stalled he burst the pipe?" That explained the sudden flooding that had spread throughout. The pipe was still leaking even as Kurusu surveyed the damage.

The girls were no longer covered with concrete mix. That was good at least. Unfortunately, it seemed that Sorano had shot them a considerable amount of times with the tranquilizer as well. And they were also drenched from the burst pipe. Which gave Kurusu a clear view of their bodies underneath their clothing. Of course, he was a gentleman, and as such he adverted his gaze from the eye candy before him. The most notable thing though, besides Miia's strangely aroused nipples, was the dazed look in their eyes. Probably a result of the initial flashbang explosion.

"Where did he get one of those, anyway?"

* * *

Meanwhile, from across the city, a lone zombie girl screamed in frustration upon discovering her stash had been raided.

"Sooorrraaannnooo!"

* * *

"Forget it. I just hope he didn't do irreparable damage." At a cursory glance, it looked like this wasn't the case. Sure, he'd dozed them in freezing cold water after igniting a blinding and deafening explosion directly in front of them. Sure, he'd then followed this up by shooting them with sedatives. And sure, he's also somehow managed to permanently fix their eyelids open so they were staring blankly into space despite being knocked out. But at least they weren't dead. Kurusu knew this. He knew this because their tits were moving up and down as they breathed.

Papi's wasn't, but that was probably because she was a member of the itty-bitty titty club. There was no way she was dead. Not after getting trampled, flashbanged, almost drowned, and shot by a tranq gun made for elephants. No way she'd die after all that. Papi was a sturdy harpy. She'd only suffered maybe a few broken bones at worst. She'd be fiiinnneee.

Thus concluded the First War of Kurusu's House. All in all, it wasn't too bad. The only casualties were Sorano's dignity and Papi's dream of becoming the next Usain Bolt. There would be several more of these wars in the future, but Kurusu prayed to whatever shrine spirits that were listening that this would be the worst of them all.

No shrine spirits were listening to his pleas.

They were too busy building harems of their own.

* * *

 **AN: Well, that concludes the most terrifying night of Kimihito's life. As you can see I didn't manage to follow through with my plan to have three chapters uploaded in just as many weeks. Though, technically speaking, we haven't yet made it to the end of this week ... so ... It's three updates in three FULL weeks! XD Now, this is the last chapter in the trio I was planning to write before focusing back on my other story. So, you all know what that means. Less frequent updates, yay! Nay! I meant 'nay'! I'm going to jump back and forth between these two in the future. Which means you won't be getting a Transparent update until Schizoid Man is updated first. But you definitely won't be waiting for months on end. I hope, lol. Now, to the reviews!**

 **V-rcingetorix: I'm definitely going to PM you regarding most of what you've commented on. Originally I was going to do this before posting this chapter, but I felt it'd be better to wait. Because now there's a little more insight into this chapter as to what type of 'thing' Sorano is! I really like the will-o'-the-wisp idea though! It's fantastic, so fantastic that I wish I'd thought of it myself XD.**

 **MussoTheMino: I'm all about surprising people's expectations. For instance, I'm betting you weren't expecting that massive hiatus between chapters twelve and thirteen, were you, lol? I'm really hoping this met your expectations. To be frank, I'm a little worried I portrayed Kurusu too negatively. And I'm also hoping people don't take the whole 'Sorano chasing after Kurusu' thing too seriously. That was 100% for comedic purposes and will have no lasting effect on the 'plot' as a whole! (Besides Smith holding it above Sorano's head for eternity.)**

 **priceless22: Holy shit! My sides! The sheer vitriol in your review is hilarious, lol. Personally I don't 'hate' Kurusu, I just see him as boring and bland. Imagine if Issei from DxD was the MC in Monster Musume. Things would be much more interesting. I'm sort of planning on improving Kurusu. Not drastically, but trust me when I say Sorano's going to rub off on him in some ways. Men have to stick together after all, lol.**

 **Guest: That he is! Sorano is a total tsun-tsun, lol.**


	16. The Man Who Changed His Mind

"Sooo … you mind explaining what happened here?"

"I plead the Fifth, Smith."

That earned him a chuckle. "You're not under arrest, and I'm not on the clock, so all of this is off the record. More importantly, we're not in America. Not to mention you're not even an American citizen to begin with. Their Bill of Rights doesn't apply to you."

Both Sorano and Smith were situated inside Smith's SUV, Sorano sat in the backseat, like an apprehended suspect being carted off to jail. The vehicle was parked parallel in front of Kurusu's house, on a street completely abandoned by pedestrians and commuters alike.

Smith had conveniently 'forgotten' to warn Kurusu about the effects the full moon would have on the girls.

In Sorano's mind this had probably been some cockamamie plan to force Kurusu to choose one of the girl's as a future bride on short notice. In his cynical view, it was entirely likely the government itself had ordered Smith not to blab to the kid about how the moon would affect the girls.

Was he just being a paranoid conspiratorial nut job? Maybe.

But it did fit the bill for something the government would do considering all the other retarded choices they made.

Forcing someone to become a 'test case' for legislation that wasn't yet in effect seemed highly unethical to him. Especially when the legislation itself would conflict with the current ban on interspecies intercourse. Did the government seriously expect two newlyweds to remain abstinent? Had they truly never heard of the phrase 'consummate the wedding'?

The only other options were A: Smith was a sadist, or B: she was an airheaded ditz.

Sorano's personal grudges against the woman aside, he didn't believe she was sadistic. She was a tease, but not to the degree one could categorize as 'sadistic'. And despite her lackadaisical demeanor, he couldn't call her a moron and sleep soundly at night. Smith wasn't stupid. But she was sly.

Which left a third option. Option C: Smith was a cunning opportunist, but one that lacked any real power at her rank. The result was her being nothing more than wasted potential, trapped in a deadbeat job with little likelihood of ever being recognized for her accomplishments. She was a grunt. A foot soldier in a war she never wished to fight in. A war against common sense and decency.

Smith was lazy. This Sorano could declare with utter conviction. But she was also overworked, and this had exacerbated that slothfulness she espoused. It had possibly been the root cause of it in all actuality.

Smith could have been the most dedicated, enthusiastic worker in existence and years of government employment would still have managed to sap away at the youthfulness within. The result was a thirty-something year old woman losing sight of the original inspiration she held for entering into her career of choice. Someone that had to contend themselves with only winning the little fights in their day to day, and never had the gumption to stand totally against the ineptness of their organization.

Instead of becoming the leader she was meant to be she'd been reduced into just yet another cog in a monotonous industrial machine. Sorano knew she would stand by him on the smaller issues where he was in the right and that she'd do her best to improve the quality of life for him and the girls staying with Kurusu. But he also knew she'd never go further than that. She would follow through with orders. Even if they sickened her to her very core.

So, Sorano had to conclude a few things.

One: Smith was probably not at fault completely for this incompetence. But she was complicit in it. Her hands were tied, but she would not so much as dare to try and wiggle free.

Two: The government was secretly attempting to manipulate Kurusu and the girls. Obvious, yes, but Sorano figured he could narrow this down as either them wishing to immediately see Kurusu choose a bride or an attempt at diagnosing the social taboos that could arise from the liminal reaction to a full moon.

Three: He unfortunately wasn't included in the board meetings where they planned this shit, and thus his opinion on the matter wasn't ever going to be taken into consideration.

Conclusion: His life was going to be made unnecessarily more difficult by fuckwits that couldn't even see how stupid it would be to allow for interspecies marriages while continuing to ban interspecies coitus.

"Fine. I'll tell you what happened. We both partially screwed up." Sorano sighed, letting his shoulders sag as his hand secretly wandered towards the car door's handle. Sadly, Smith had already planned for him trying a premature escape, and as such she'd locked the car from the inside, keeping them both together until she decided to release him. "But it was mostly your fault. You could have avoided all this had you just told the kid about the moon."

That caused Smith to raise an eyebrow in disbelief. "Well, you could have told him anytime yourself."

 _Hmm, that indicated that they assumed things would have gone their way even if I warned the kid. Looks like I made the right choice._

"I mean. It is quite suspicious you didn't feel the need to tell him yourself. Could it be that you were looking forward to the chaos?"

 _Ah. So that's how she's going to play. What a preposterous idea._

"Not even close. I assumed you had the sense to inform him. My job is to keep them from breaking the law, no? It's your job to keep him up to date on how liminal culture works. You're the 'coordinator' here, right?"

Smith was actually bold enough to snort at this, apparently amused by how Sorano had tried to shift the blame solely back on her. "Sure, I guess we can think of it like that. What's that make you then? A contractor?"

He didn't answer. There was no point in continuing the conversation in this direction. Frankly, it was unproductive. Passing the blame would do neither of them any good.

"Don't want to answer? Fine then. Let's cut to the chase. Papi's in the hospital, after all."

Deep within the inner sanctum of Sorano's soul a tiny pang of guilt resurfaced. 'Tiny' because he'd just listened to a paramedic happily explain to Smith that a trip to the hospital was unnecessary …. Only for Smith to bluntly tell said paramedic that he was going to cart Papi, Miia, and Cerea there anyway. All three were … temporarily deaf. 'Temporaily' having a subjective definition in this case. For Sorano this meant 'less than a day'. For the others, it meant 'less than two minutes'.

Other than that expected side effect from the flashbangs, there weren't any serious physical injuries. Papi had been the main target of Smith's concern, but even she seemed fine despite the sporadic dogpile she'd been the foundation for. Sure, she was a little sore, and sure she did have numerous scrapes and bruises adorning her petite form, but nothing seemed broken. Still, Smith insisted on an emergency checkup, just to avoid allowing any unseen injuries remaining untreated. Harpies were more fragile than humans of course.

This was something Sorano had taken into consideration when he'd been the first to pounce upon her. The girl was injured, but not to the degree in which she would have been had Sorano not taken the brunt of the punishment. He was strong enough to stop Papi from becoming a pancake, but not strong enough to save her (or his back) from the other two fatasses that'd steamrolled on top of him.

Turns out attempting to bench press almost a ton isn't easy. He would have fared better at protecting Papi from a twenty-foot alligator and one of the Budweiser Clydesdales. They would have probably weighed less.

One could question why he'd exacerbated the situation by jumping on top of Papi first to begin with. The answer to that could simply be "He was doped up on moon beams" but that wouldn't be true in the slightest. The real answer was much more complicated.

"Now, please clarify for me exactly how all of **this** " Smith gestured towards the small stream of water still flowing out of the house through the open front door "happened how it did."

"I had to get them close enough to ensure they couldn't retreat from the blast." And that is why he'd latched his teeth onto Miia's tail. It hadn't been his best plan (Sorano was sure he still had pieces of snakeskin lodged in his throat) but it'd kept her from getting away when he pulled the pins on those grenades. Cerea was less of a threat. She was larger and less agile then Miia, and thus the possibility of her retreating before the blast was less likely than Miia wiggling her way free.

Sorano explained all of this to Smith, making sure to not spare the suited woman any details. For better or worse he casually admitted to the person that could deport him on a whim that he stole police grade equipment from her task force of liminals and used it on the girls. He openly admitted to her that he did something that wasn't just unethical, but immensely illegal to boot. And he did it with a shrug.

"After stunning them I just ripped out some of the floorboards and squeezed real hard on one of the pipes then exposed. It ruptured and I used the cold water spewing forth to soak the girls, bringing them out of their moon riddled rampages." Smith couldn't come to terms with what he'd just said. It made sense, but a part of her brain just didn't want to accept the things he'd just said.

It didn't match Kurusu's summary of the night at all. Partially because Kurusu hadn't been there to witness how the girls had been KO'd, and partially because it meant Sorano had premeditated how things would turn out from the very beginning. This meant that he was capable of following through with his plan despite his mind being clouded by the moon. Either that or worse, he'd been faking the entire time.

Some part of her just had to question it, had to curiously inquire as to how he could be capable of doing such a thing when at the time this took place he was supposed to be functioning on the level of intellect of a hormonal teen that'd just hit puberty.

"You did this while under the moon's influence?"

Again the liminal in her backseat shrugged, "The other three created their own version of the Triple Entente long enough to break into the bathroom. I had enough rationality left at the time to do what I did."

"I'm surprised the moon affected you. You've been here for a few years and this is the first time you've shown any symptoms relating to it." She continued pressing him, hoping to receive a genuine explanation for what exactly occurred. "In fact, I was under the impression that the moon only affected liminals that were in their prime for mating, and even then it should only influence someone who's near a potential mate."

"Seems the moon thinks Kurusu is the best possible mate for me." There's no possible way he could ever believe her to be gullible enough to buy that line. As if to answer her disbelief, a smug little grin popped up behind his gauze wrapping, its outline faintly visible.

Smith saw this in her rearview mirror and began to put two and two together.

"You were faking."

In mock indignation Sorano raised his hands into the air, loudly exclaiming "I was not!" while doing so.

"You were. And I want to know why."

With that all semblance of outrage in Sorano dissipated, replaced by coolheaded stoicism. "To prove a point."

"Explain."

He fidgeted in the backseat, shifting one leg onto the knee of his other as he linked his hands together in his lap. "The kid was going to be seriously hurt, and he was starting to question my methods. So, I cut my loses and scared him off so he wouldn't get in the way."

"And you faked being influenced by the moon to scare him off?"

"Exactamundo. I asked him in the beginning if he'd trust me with handling the problem. He said he would, with the caveat that I not hurt the girls. Immediately when things started going south he distrusted my intentions and chastised me." Sorano sighed. "What was I to do? Prolong the situation into a long chase and have to listen to him complain about me? Or end it quickly with him out of the way?"

"You chose the latter option."

"Yes."

"Why keep up the charade?"

"If I tell him now he'll be upset. He thinks I did what I did because I was influenced by the moon. It's better for him to assume that's the case."

"He probably also thinks you're a homosexual." There was a hidden snicker there, but Smith held it back. She had to remain serious, Sorano had gotten somewhat somber in the conversation and was clearly uncomfortable with how things had turned out.

He squirmed in the backseat. "No, he doesn't. I told him I've been married in the past."

"Gay marriage is legal."

"Wives. Smith. I said 'I had wives'."

Things were starting to make sense. Smith had to remind herself that she was dealing with an extremely untrusting liminal. He'd dealt with numerous other homestays and all had ended in failure. His view on humanity fluctuated between grudging respect to outright distaste. He was a jaded creature, and had seen more of the world than any human alive.

To a normal, sane human being (and most liminals) his entire scheme was ridiculous. Borderline paranoid, even. But to Sorano the idea of adlibbing hormonal induced insanity in order to prove a point seemed completely reasonable.

What Sorano didn't tell her was that there was a final piece to this puzzle that'd make it more understandable to the average person. They both knew that Smith would simply report that he'd been influenced by the moon. She'd do so to 'protect' him, and comply with his wish to keep Kurusu in the dark. In doing so she'd indirectly be helping in another way.

Sorano's actions would become justifiable.

The timeframe in which he stole from Zombina was unclear to anyone outside the household. A crime that could have normally ended in his immediate termination and deportation could now be waved away. His handling of the situation could have been seen as out of hand and drastic, but now it could be explained as being an excessive degree of force influenced by the moon.

He tried his best to stop Papi from being injured heavily, but even if she had been Sorano knew with certainty that pretending to be influenced by the moon would get him off scot-free from being held responsible. Just as it would protect the girls in the event they hurt Kurusu.

It also helped Smith out, though she'd never know it. If he had been of sane mind during the night Smith would look like a complete fool entrusting him with any role in the household. This would especially be the case if Sorano's hunch was right and the government wanted Kurusu to have been overwhelmed by the girls. Smith would be able to avoid punishment just as Sorano would be. The only way it could possibly fall on her shoulders would be if someone were to realize where he got the flashbangs. If that happened Zombina would be reprimanded, but as she was irreplaceable (being one of the few legally able of stopping a liminal committing a crime) she wouldn't be too harshly punished.

Overall it was a win-win for Sorano. He just needed to lie both to Kurusu and Smith about the finer details of the matter and everyone would be able of leaving with a clear conscience. Smith would blame his past bad experiences for destroying his ability to trust, and Kurusu would blame the moon.

All would be forgiven.

At least, that's what Sorano hoped. Though a pit in his stomach told him that he was making a mistake somehow. But he pushed that aside. There was no need to feel guilty about any of this. Even Papi's bruises and the girls' temporary blindness wasn't his fault. It was the fault of the government for not foreseeing such a possibility and for allowing the night to go as it did.

That was the problem in this equation. The government and their damnable legislation.

Sorano was going to totally write a letter to a few particular members of the Nation Diet. Just to let them know exactly what he thought of their ridiculous laws.

Anonymously of course.

And probably with a carrier pigeon. To avoid leaving a trace with the local postman.

"Well, I suppose we're done here right? I mean, I have to get back to the others to keep an eye on them."

"Pssshhh." Smith verbally brushed aside his concerns. "Don't worry about them, I have a member of M.O.N. watching over them."

Some tiny part of Sorano felt this was Smith's indirect way of verifying exactly how worthless his 'job' was. This was the same tiny part that had reservations about lying. Sorano pushed it aside once more, merely accepting Smith's words for their face value and avoiding the urge to look into them more deeply.

"City must be quiet today if you can afford to do that."

Smith shrugged, slouching a little in her seat as she realized the conversation was going to take a more relaxed, informal tone. "Zombina insisted."

 _Damn._ That was the single word that came to mind when Sorano realized the complications that would occur with Zombina directly being involved.

Smith seemed to notice his displeasure, and she smirked ever so slightly because of it.

"She's interrogating them." Sorano considered such a thing detestable. Grilling the others instead of facing him in person first. He saw it as … underhanded, to say the least.

"Not exactly. She's just curious as to why you felt the need to swipe her equipment."

 _Ah. So, she's interrogating them._ "I can trust she's going to pop by here in the future?" It was a subtle offering for Zombina to come to him instead of the others.

Smith smiled at this, clearly happy that Sorano was catching on. "M.O.N. as a whole will stop by eventually. I'd like to show off a little by letting them see how much of a success I've had with Darling."

"I wouldn't exactly describe this situation as being a 'success'. And even if I would, I can't exactly say your involvement was responsible for it being so." His eyes narrow dangerously behind his sunglasses, "After all, you haven't really taken a 'hands on' approach with this."

Smith shrugged, brushing aside his blunt accusations. "Well, that's not how my bosses see it. Besides, they'd blame me if Kurusu was failing, so why shouldn't I take some of the credit for him being a success?"

And that right there caused Sorano to shut up. For two reasons. The first being that he could tell she wasn't serious. That playful grin that constantly threatened to break through her 'agent mode' stoicism was out and about at the moment, clearly signaling that she was attempting to banter with the much older liminal currently baby-locked into her backseat. The second being that her words confirmed his fears regarding his actions on the full moon. If he was reprimanded Smith would share the blame.

Something about that just didn't seem right to Sorano. It just wasn't fair.

"I suppose it's fine." He practically mumbled this sentence out, something that Smith immediately made note of. It was out of character for the male to ever willingly soften his tone of voice. "As long as the shapeshifter doesn't show up."

Ah, there, that explained why he'd become more reserved.

"Doppel's an important part of the team. Of course she'll be with them."

Something within the invisible man immediately soured. Hell, his jawline seemed to clench up upon itself, as if he had swallowed a particularly bitter lemon and was puckering his lips as a result.

"It's nonnegotiable, Sorano." And with that there was no room for debate. Her dismissal of the argument caused a flood of negative emotions to swell within Sorano. Anger. Disappointment. Indignation. Embarrassment. This was the first time Smith had spoken to him as a supervisor, and not as an equal.

Of course, for someone as pigheaded as Sorano such a tone of voice was unacceptable.

"Smith."

"Hmm?" She turned in her seat to lock eyes with him, pushing her sunglasses down to allow him to see her gaze.

Her expression wasn't one of a superior but of a friend. Someone that wished to understand him but was unwilling to compromise with his demands.

With that look Sorano deflated. There was no need to be offended. No need to argue.

"My kind … have long despised Shapeshifters. You know this."

"Yes, I do. Frankly I think it's ridiculous."

Sorano clenched his fists, trying very hard not to lash out like an angry toddler. It would do him not good in the long run. "You're ignorant of the unique circumstances involved."

"Then enlighten me."

This wasn't the first time she'd asked him to elaborate on his kinds' origins. And it wouldn't be the first time he denied her request.

"Doppel can explain just as well."

He crossed his arms over his chest, purposefully directing his eyes from hers.

Big mistake.

Smith clambered over her seat. Not to a drastic extent, just moving so she could be within reaching distance of Sorano. Before he could so much as react she'd extended a hand towards his face.

It'd been a long time since he'd had a woman touch his face, and even longer since he'd last had a human woman touch his cheek.

Unfortunately, her touch was not one of endearment.

Smith pinched his cheek. Like one would pinch the chubby cheeks of an infant.

"Come on, stop moping. You're always so depressing. Cheer up, why don't you?"

He glared something fierce at the woman. "Let me out of the automobile."

"Aw, you don't want to talk anymore?"

"The girls are going to be ok, correct?"

"Yes, they should be home tomorrow."

"Am I going to be held liable for this?"

Smith frowned, finally removing her hand from his cheek. "No. I'll handle it."

Outwardly, Sorano nodded his thanks. Inwardly, he gloated. It pleased him to no end to hear that he'd succeeded in fooling the agent. "Then we have no need to continue speaking. Let me out of the car before I short circuit its appliances."

"You can't do that."

"I can, and I will. You'll never be able to listen to that dreaded J-pop trash again."

His answer was a sigh and a simple 'fine'. The doors opened, and without a second thought Sorano removed himself from the SUV.

"Wait."

"Hmm?" He turned back to her, she'd rolled down her window before he could scurry off.

"Here." Sorano couldn't help but gape at her extended hand. There was his Peterson pipe.

He hesitantly took it from her, not really believing she'd actually followed through on his request. "Don't forget this too."

And now she was holding his lighter. It was actually a Zippo, and while it wasn't diamond encrusted it was gold-plated. Again, Sorano took the object from her as if it wasn't quite real.

"Am I dreaming?"

Smith couldn't help but chuckle. "No. I figured I might as well throw you a bone. I'll also be giving you your first paycheck in a few days."

Sorano scrutinized the woman in front of him. "Who are you, what have you done with Smith?"

"You're welcome."

He stopped and took a moment to observe her. Too say Sorano was caught off guard would be putting it lightly. He was flabbergasted. This had been the first time she'd actually granted one of his demands. Coincidentally it was the first time he'd received something akin to a gift in give or take thirty years.

Did this mean she knew of his true intentions and was rewarding him? Impossible. She had arrived at the house as soon as she could. There was simply no time to prepare such a gift and beyond that she would have known nothing about what happened except the brief summary Kurusu likely gave her over the phone.

So, if not that … then what? A bribe? Her attempt at getting on his good side? It was puzzling to say the least. A subtle observation of body language proved no more fruitful. Sorano could only conclude she was relaxed and … smug. Two states in which Smith constantly existed in. This wasn't saying much though. Smith was a pro, and hiding her emotions was to be expected. Which resulted in Sorano remaining confused and with only one thing to say in response.

"Thank you." He said those two words with more emotion than he intended, turning the entire thing more awkward than it should have been.

"Don't mention it. I just put tax payer money to good use."

Silence reigned over them. It wasn't uncomfortable, on the contrary it was actually quite pleasant. But it had to end.

Smith's cellphone rang, interrupting the peace shared between the two frenemies. "Excuse me." Sorano just nodded, tuning out the brief conversation she had with the fellow on the other line.

"Looks like I have to get going." She placed her phone back inside her pocket.

"Something come up with the girls?"

"No, no. Another host family. They haven't been getting along with the Arachne that's been staying with them."

"Ah." Sorano didn't know how to respond. To be honest, he hardly cared about the plight of some random liminal he'd probably never meet. "Well then, good luck."

"Thanks." And with that Smith rolled up her window and started driving off. She gave him a parting wave as she did so, something Sorano didn't bother to return.

Still, he watched her go, still bemused as to why she'd actually followed through with his request. It was generous of her, and in his experience generosity wasn't one of her character traits.

"Oh well. At least I have something to calm my nerves with." Perhaps the only thing he could do was to accept it with grace.

Then it hit him.

He had a pipe.

He had a lighter.

"She didn't give me any tobacco!"

And that is how Sorano spent the rest of the day trying to find something suitable to smoke while he waited for the others to return.

Experimentation was key after all.

Snoop Dogg would be proud.

* * *

 **AN: I have a confession to make. I took far to long to finally post this update! As always life's been hectic, but I won't bore you all with the details. Just know that personal stuff in addition to this being the hardest chapter I've ever written so far (for this story at least) really caused a delay in my schedule. Originally I intended the full moon's events to just be a one shot sort of thing. Sliding it under the rug forever as just another sideshow scenario in Sorano's glorious life at the Kurusu household. But, after seeing that people actually found it hilarious and didn't get upset or anything, I figured "why not turn it into something more complex" and thus we have this attempt at Sorano playing 4D chess with Smith. Does it make absolute sense? You be the judge! Trying to make it as logical as possible is what really took me so long and after the 'grand finale' of last chapter I had to really think of how to continue to one up myself. Of course this chapter is way less comedic than most of the others, but that's for a reason. I plan on building up something to go along with the comedic relief and this chapter serves as a foundation for that. And finally, I have to thank all of you who left reviews in the time between updates. I'm grateful to all of you for the interest you've shown in my story. In particular I would like to give a shout out to both King Keith and** **V-rcingetorix for the help they offered me in finishing this chapter. It would have been significantly worse without them so be sure to look at their work if you'd be so kind. Now, with all that out of the way, let's go ahead and actually address all the great reviews I received last go!**

 **darkthiefX: Thanks for the compliment! But I do hope you eventually finished the chapter, it got even more zany near the end ;P.**

 **Guest 1: You ... make a really valid point. In hindsight I should have probably just gone ahead and removed the spaces in between each word to give it the allusion that he was talking really fast. But the thought of Sorano politely waiting for him to finish before interrupting is even more amusing so maybe we should just go with that? XD**

 **V-rcingetorix: I appreciate both your review and the discussion we had on the chapter itself. I'm glad you pointed out all the details you did because it's given me a lot of ideas on how to go about both Sorano's and the story itself's development in the future. The manga hasn't shown a second full moon yet but I definitely plan on having one in the future. When that happens we're going to see some of the things you mentioned pop up (Miia chasing after Cerea just sounds too funny to not use XD). The other thing I feel I should address (for everyone's benefit) is the last bit of your second to last sentence. Please, please do not ever worry about offending me! I was more worried about offending others with the content of the last chapter, but I myself adore any and all criticism I receive. It helps me approve overall as a writer. Point out the worst so I can create the best. Sometimes taking things seriously can be beneficial (in the case of this story here) because it points out logical flaws and stops me from doing something random for the sake of being random.**

 **Synthetic Knight: Thank you good sir! By the way I plan on responding to your PM really soon (probably tomorrow if my power doesn't go out) I've just been a little delayed over the last few days on account of catching a bad cold.**

 **MussoTheMino: Two words. Mom arc. Trust me when I say Sorano being present when the girls' mothers show themselves is going to really liven things up. For better or worse XD.**

 **Guest 2: I'm glad you think that. He's supposed to be that crotchety old uncle at the Christmas table that is completely anti-political correctness and tells it like it is. I'd say 'perfect asshole' is the biggest compliment he can receive XD.**

 **AshuriIncarnate: Making someone laugh constitutes as a big win in my book! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.**

 **Dracul666: Practically all of the characters I've designed are inspired ever so slightly by Deadpool in some way (he's one of my favorite characters in comic book history) so it's not at all surprising to see that he's bleed-through into what I would presume a crazy Sorano would act like. Good to see you liked it as much as I liked writing it!**

 **King Keith: At one point this was going to be used (in the future it might be). I planned for Sorano and Kurusu to fumble around with a phone, both of them trying to send out an S.O.S. to the agent. It would have resulted in Sorano rigging a rice cooker into a makeshift explosive (while doing a Billy Mays style infomercial on the quality of said cooker) and chucking it at the girls. I ... decided that was a bit (just a bit) overboard XD. As for where I get these ideas ... well I basically take a concept for a joke toss it at the wall and wait to see if it'll stick. If it does I go with that. If not we get rice cooker IEDs scrapped from the drawing board XP. Hopefully this chapter alleviated any shock you might have felt at the thought of Sorano making Kurusu 'drop the soap'. Thanks for the compliments and thanks even more for taking the time to leave a review!**

 **Guest 3: I have to agree with the video game idea. Someone could definitely make a FNAF mod replacing all of the characters with Monster Musume ones. Heck, if I had the technical ability I'd probably do it myself XD. What I think would be even cooler is if someone got on this and made it into an JRPG style of game in RPG Maker. It'd probably work too, if the success of games like Ao Oni is any indication. Imagine if it had a NG+ mode which switched out the starting challenge of Kurusu's harem with the dangerous liminals staying at the bike cop's place? Lot of potential there. Other than that, I'm happy to hear you enjoyed the chapter. I just hope you didn't get a noise complaint because of that laughter ;D.**


	17. The Tingler

You know the saying "when the cat's away, the mice will play"? Well, Kurusu wasn't the cat in this equation. There wasn't really a "cat" at all, except for perhaps Smith. That doesn't matter necessarily, because Sorano was far from a common house mouse himself. He was more like a rat. A fat rat, quite content with how he'd intruded on someone else's territory without much permission. He was doing so now. Intruding that is. For while Kurusu was no cat, he was still away.

Everyone was away.

Sorano had free reign to do as he pleased. And he did so.

The liminal man took full advantage of what would likely be the only lull of peace he'd see for weeks, if not months to come.

Does this mean he relaxed? No. He went straight to work.

Sorano, who was probably one of the rudest liminals in the city (short of some of the demons), was currently on his hands and knees scrubbing the floor.

The chlorinated bleach he was using would normally cause one's eyes to water while their throat and nose burned. Sorano avoided both of this by means of his bandages (which were now doused with water) and a pair of safety goggles he had covering his peepholes.

Why was he doing this? Simple. Guilt.

While a partial amount of the damage caused during the prior night was a result of the girls' brief bout of lust-induced insanity, Sorano by himself had caused the vast majority of the destruction. The shattered bathroom door (which had later been completely massacred by the girls), the Quikrete that covered the stairs and ran down most of the hallway, and the minor flooding seen throughout the house were all a result of Sorano's actions.

He was currently trying to remedy this. While Kurusu and the girls were away, Sorano was busying himself by working towards getting the house back into to its undamaged state.

It was likely that Smith would send in the remodeling crew regardless of what he did, but Sorano felt he might as well make their job slightly easier by handling the minor repairs.

As such, he'd already finished mopping up the water that'd pooled throughout. The broken water pipe was initially ignored, as it was easier for Sorano to just turn off the water than worry about replacing the pipe itself. Eventually, he figured he might as well do that while he was at it. It didn't take much effort with his magnified strength.

The concrete was also mostly taken care of. It had dried considerably, but that was nothing a pick and chisel couldn't solve. He had to use bleach because there was blood present and the risk of disease needed to be addressed. It was probably Papi's blood. It had likely happened when he pushed her down the stairs as the trail started at the bottom of the stairs and ended where the dogpile had occurred.

Again, a minor pang of regret filled Sorano, but it passed. He had caused no permanent damage. Physically at least, emotionally was another story. Then again she was nothing more than a 'dumb bird' so any trauma she'd experience would probably instead just wash away like water off a duck's back.

"What a noxious chemical. To think, in the past this was used in war." Sorano commented no further, instead choosing to occupy himself with the messy task he had chosen to complete.

It wouldn't take long before he was mostly finished. With a content sigh, he lifted himself from his kneeling position on the floor.

Just in time too, as the front door was beginning to swing open. "Look who's home."

In walked his housemates, looking considerably wearier than they had the last time he'd seen them. Only Kurusu had a smile adorning his face, the others had a mixed array of frowns and downcast eyes. Shame seemed to be the only thing they shared in common.

"Welcome home." Even Sorano seemed uncharacteristically solemn. He had seemingly reverted back to his previous tendency to avoid mincing words. Or… that might have been a result of his throat burning after the work he'd just done. His voice was hoarse, and instead of the rich baritone he often spoke in he sounded as if he'd just smoked a dozen packs of cigarettes in one go.

Which wasn't far from the reality of things. He had tried to smoke tea leaves after realizing he had no tobacco. That had been… unpleasant.

"Hey, Sorano… did you do all this?" It had taken Kurusu a moment to adjust to the practically spotless nature of his home. Sure, there was still damage here and there (mostly being in the bathroom) but the hall, kitchen, and the stairs were sparkling clean.

"That I did." When he said nothing more Kurusu decidedly dropped the topic. He had questions, but for now, it was easier just to thank the liminal man and be done with it. Which is what he did. "Think nothing of it, kid."

"Darling? I'm going to head to my room."

"Alright, Miia. I'll call you out when lunch is ready." To think, half a day had already passed. The time had flown by in Sorano's opinion. One of the benefits of menial labor.

"The bathroom is 'functional' if you need to bathe yourself." Miia hadn't expected the bandaged man to respond to her, and as a result, she jumped slightly at being directly addressed by him. All of the girls felt a sense of guilt after the prior night, and none of them would have guessed Sorano would handle it so respectfully. If anything, they had entered the home in the assumption that he'd begin mocking them.

It mattered little that Sorano himself had a personal role in the night's events. His ridiculousness was to be expected, the three girls (well two because Papi doesn't exactly count) felt they should have been held to a higher standard. Especially Cerea. She refused to even look the two men in the eye. Which is why Sorano's nonchalant attitude to everything was alarming.

Was he planning something? Had he forgotten what had occurred mere hours ago in this house? Or was he simply showing an out of character moment of decency?

"Uh… thanks."

"That one wall and the door are still broken though, so I'd suggest you hang a curtain around the tub. I managed to fix the piping, so you shouldn't have to worry about water leaking."

Kurusu jumped on this, likely wishing to excuse himself from the heavy atmosphere. "Oh! You can borrow the one from my bathroom. It shouldn't be too hard to hang it up."

"It might be easier just to use it to cover the wall. A towel could be hung in front of the door to keep anyone from looking in."

"Thanks…"

"Not a problem. If you need anything, feel free to ask." Miia slithered off, completely dumbfounded as to why Sorano was being so polite. Kurusu rushed after her, giving a nervous smile to Sorano before he left.

"Papi's tired." The harpy girl yawned and started trudging towards her bedroom, likely to take a nap. That energetic youthfulness she'd had before was gone. She was bandaged tightly and thus couldn't move as freely as she'd have liked. Smith had insisted on this being the case. Regardless of her level of injury, her tendency towards reckless behavior would have stalled any healing had it needed to occur. With her being almost as bandaged as Sorano she wasn't able to act out. This was especially good at the moment as in her sluggish state she probably would have caused even more damage to her body had she tried to keep up the enthusiasm she tended to favor.

Sorano watched her shuffle off, realizing that in her absence he'd be left alone with Cerea. "Papi? I could carry you if you'd like?" It was partially an attempt at excusing himself from Cerea's presence. He had no interest in discussing the prior night with her of all people. Kurusu or perhaps even Miia would have been a different story, but Sorano had a few qualms with getting so personal with the newest member already. Maybe another part of him liked the idea of helping the harpy because in a way it'd repay her for his actions before. Maybe he secretly liked the thought of carrying a little girl (despite her true age) up to her bed.

Sorano had never had children before. Even with his extended lifespan and his many marriages, fatherhood was nothing but a wet dream for one of his kind. A result of his species being an isolated bunch. Their population was constantly on the decline, and a resurgence in their numbers seemed unlikely.

Right now, Sorano couldn't really consider himself a father figure. He was more like the grouchy grandfather that still managed to give the best presents on Christmas and birthdays.

"Tis not something you should fret about. It would be my honor, as a knight, to aid her."

It seemed that Cerea had the same idea though.

"Are you sure?" A raised brow was his only reply. The centaur woman was curious as to why he was showing any concern. Normally he would have taken his leave as soon as possible and boarded himself up within his bedroom. But this was a very… 'abnormal' situation. Which said a lot considering the diverse set of personalities gathered together.

"Of course. Although, if you would prefer to do so instead I shall not stand in your–"

"That's quite alright. It would have been indecent of me to carry a young woman anyway." He waved her aside in such a nonchalant manner that she almost didn't catch the fact that he mentioned 'decency' of all things as an excuse. The word seemed to be a foreign concept to a being such as Sorano and yet… here he was using it as an explanation for why he wouldn't partake in certain behavior.

Cerea could only nod in approval, her mouth slightly agape in shock. She hadn't even thought about the complications that could arise from an elder man carrying an unrelated younger girl to bed. Normally she would have thought passed this and accused Sorano of having ulterior motives. He certainly had to be guilty of something if he was thinking about the potential optics involved in his actions. However, something held Cerea back.

That 'something' was probably the overall body language of the bandaged man before her. He felt… aloof, as if he were thinking of something completely separate from the current circumstances he found himself in. His posture was usually rigid, with a straight back and an unwavering gaze (hidden under his glasses of course) and yet he seemed almost downtrodden at the moment. Which Cerea shouldn't have been surprised about considering how the prior night went but… something about it didn't feel right. In the short period she'd known him the centaur had gotten the impression that he had an unshakable composition. Call it stubbornness, call it bullheadedness, call it whatever you will.

From Cerea's perspective, he was a man that insisted on 'sticking to his guns' regardless of whether he was right or wrong. His unflinching bluntness had caused her much ire, and his tendency to use coercion and deceit to avoid improving as a person (she an inkling of an idea that his apology to her when they first met was done so out of personal gain rather than anything else) was distressful. So… why was he behaving this differently? Had the full moon allowed him to release pent-up hormones or something? Was it the self-injected tranquilizer that'd caused this?

"Hey, Secretariat, are you just going to stand there and stare at me all day or are you going to take her to her room?" And all the theories Cerea had concocted within her mind were flushed down the drain with that single question. Sorano hadn't changed in the slightest. He was just muting his normal personality at the moment.

"Hmph. Come, Papi. Let us head to your chamber." She picked up the sleepy harpy, carrying her in her arms like an infant. This was only possible because of the lightweight nature of harpies, had she been a normal human girl it would have been unlikely Cerea could bare her weight. Not unless she decided to allow her to mount up. Which was even more unlikely considering the cultural taboo surrounding such a thing. She had already designated Kurusu to be her jockey, allowing another to ride her would probably be tantamount to accepting herself as a floozy.

Or at least, that's what Sorano presumed. He'd encountered centaurs of various tribal backgrounds in the past and never found himself particularly impressed. In their earliest beginnings, during Ancient Greco-Roman times, they were tolerable though not exactly remarkable. Their intellect had tended to be on the same level as a human, with a few outliers quickly rising up to take command. That all went downhill fairly soon, mostly because Rome was far less forgiving than the various city-states of Greece. It had no reason to tolerate such abominations, and what followed was the largest war between humans and nonhumans until the Emu War in Australia. It hit its peak during the Battle of Teutonberg, where centaur warriors allied themselves with their human Germanic neighbors in an all-out assault on Rome's finest legionnaires.

Ironically the fall of Rome led to the end of the centaurs as well. While the barbarians that they had allied with worked to take advantage of the power vacuum that had formed, centaur tribes that had made peace to fight a common foe ended up betraying one another in their own pursuits of conquest. Which led to their current state.

Did they teach this in history class? Of course not. Many of the records surrounding this were expunged by previously persecuted Christians once they gained the power of the Papacy. Partially because they tried their best to censor anything pertaining to Rome out of spite, and partially because many Christians had ancestry stemming back to those Germanic tribes that dared to ally with bestial "demons". Anything that wasn't lost to history was chocked up as mere myth.

The best part about all of this is that the surviving centaurs, reduced to a fraction of their population from various squabbles of both the internal and external kind, ended up adoring the society of those that came after the Romans. They glorified it, seeing only the good and not the bad of feudal Europe. It wouldn't be too far removed to have called those centaurs seeking to build something from the ashes of their ancestors as Christophiles. Which is how their love of chivalry came about.

 _Now if only they'd taken it just a step farther and adopted the various other tenets of Christ. The Golden Rule as an example._

Sorano himself knew of all of this because he found history interesting (living to see most of it tends to do that) and because he was himself a Christophile. It was also supremely amusing to reflect on the fall from grace many of the various liminals species went through over the course of history. Being relegated to the annals of fiction for so many centuries had to sting. Especially for the older species. Sorano could empathize with that feeling.

It would undoubtedly happen once more. The experiment with human-liminal relations would fall apart as it did once before. History tended to repeat itself like that. But through it all, Sorano would remain unfazed.

It was quite difficult to ruffle his feathers at this point in his life. Well . . . under normal circumstances it was. The past few days were outside the boundaries of what he'd consider 'normal'. And that was likely because Sorano was rusty on the whole 'socializing' thing and completely out of touch with how to interact with 'youngsters'.

Watching civilization collapse was one thing. Dealing with young love was another.

Between his 'conversation' with Cerea and dinner, Sorano had decided to take a nap. He was exhausted, a feeling brought about due to the prior night's events. One moment he was simply sitting upright on the edge of his mattress. The next? He was completely unconscious, struggling to remain upright as he drifted off to sleep. It was the moment of peace he had forsaken in an attempt to right his wrongs, and it was something Sorano oh so desperately needed.

When Sorano finally woke, it was like clockwork. Divine intervention itself seemed to shake him from his slumber so he could complete his given task. That being, acting as the bane of existence for one Kimihito Kurusu's love life.

"Yo. What's for dinner? I'm a bit hungry." He felt twenty years younger. Who knew that a quick four hours rest could be so invigorating?

The bandaged liminal had awoken out of his need for sustenance. He had stumbled down the hallway in a daze, groaning to himself like some sort of member of the living dead. Really it was his own fault. He had disrupted his sleep schedule by choice.

No one told him (except Smith) that he needed to have done anything to stop the shenanigans of the prior night. He probably could have slept through the entire night's worth of insanity and it would have turned out alright. But he didn't. He was far too nosy to do such a thing. Just as he was far too nosy now.

Even in his addled state, he recognized the semi-muffled moans of a lamia in heat. Along with the frantic bumbling apologies expected from an inexperienced traveler during his first journey on the Road of Babymaking.

Well, no half-snake, half human abominations were going to be conceived on this . . . Tuesday? Yeah. It was a Tuesday. Five o'clock in the evening on a Tuesday. Who the hell has sex at five o'clock? And on a Tuesday? And who the hell sleeps till five o'clock on a Tuesday? Sorano couldn't answer either of these questions. Well, he could. But he didn't want to. To do so would be to admit that he didn't have a 'real' job.

Despite society's likely view on his purely filler form of employment, Sorano felt he should at least try his best at actually being productive. (After sleeping half the day away.) This is why he barged in, unannounced mind you, questioning where his dinner was. His prior transgressions from the night before already vacant from his mind.

It was merely by coincidence that this is the moment in which Kurusu unintentionally inserted one of his 'booger hooks' into the gaping, ravenous 'oyster ditch' of his supposed 'guest'.

Sorano was at a loss for words. He was also fully awake now.

Miia was not. At loss for words that is. She was currently shrieking at the top of her lungs, flailing about like a lunatic. With her tail still clamped down over Kurusu's head. Which was, to be honest, a bit strange. Shouldn't she be jumping . . . err, slithering in joy? The man she loved just stuck his . . . you know what? Let's not question it any more than necessary.

Kurusu was, well, sort of y'know . . . having his cranium crushed like a grape. His barely audible pained shriek jolted Sorano from his momentary stupor. His brain jumpstarted, and finally the liminal knew exactly what needed to be said. There was only one response to this predicament. One verbal response, that is.

"Stop right there, criminal scum! Nobody breaks the law on my watch!" Was there any other way to respond to such an inconceivable situation? Sorano's presence alone had shattered any semblance of a mood that may have taken hold of the room. His words? Well, they made sure no such illusion would take ahold of these two profligates.

That didn't help much though, considering Kurusu was at death's doorstep and Miia wasn't anywhere near rational enough to realize she needed to release him.

Luckily, Sorano's brain had started to work a little faster after his outburst. Thoughts were beginning to form and with them an idea on how to save Kurusu's measly life.

His solution?

Grabbing Kurusu by the legs.

And attempting to pull him free from Miia's grasp.

"Ahhh!"

"Don't hold me responsible for any pain you currently feel! This is all you, kid! All on you, you licentious, immoral sonofa–!"

It should be mentioned that during all of this 'excitement' Kurusu's finger was still inserted in . . . well, you get the picture.

"Let go of him you thrice-damned reptilian! Or I swear to whatever heretical deity you worship that I'll send you on a premature trip to the afterlife!"

His words made little impact. Miia was currently experiencing an intense combination of embarrassment, terror, and . . . pleasure. Not in any particular order.

"Boy, get your finger out of her ham wallet! It's going to get cut off if you don't!"

"Ng!"

"By God, what do you mean by 'Ng'?!"

It was right around this moment that Miia just turned Kurusu into an owl. The sight of Kurusu's head completing a full one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn was something to behold. It was also something that greatly disturbed Sorano.

"What manner of demon did you possess him with?!"

While Sorano knew for certain it wasn't actually the physical spawn of Satan corrupting his dear homestay (he'd encountered actual demons before and found them relatively underwhelming) it was most definitely a mental, if not spiritual, one causing him to do this. Lust. The poor boy had been consumed by it. Literally.

And now Sorano was the only one capable of saving him.

 _I just have to remain calm . . . and apply a copious amount of butter to Miia's nether reg–!_

"Hold on!" Both youngsters in the room froze. Miia with her mouth still open mid-scream. Kurusu with a vacant, distant look in his eyes. "I'm going to get some lube."

The screaming commenced once again. Then came the throwing. The throwing of nearby objects that is. Miia began hurling whatever was within reach at Sorano. With such force that he could only conclude she was attempting to murder him.

 _Going to guess the screaming wasn't because of what Kurusu did then. But rather, it must have been because I 'interrupted' . . . this damn cowboy boot._

What Sorano didn't understand was that Miia's screaming was partially because Kurusu had inserted his digit into here *ahem* and partially because Sorano had scared the living daylights out of her by barging into the room when he had. Add in his verbal admittance that he was going to begin applying lubrication to this conundrum and he was lucky she could only throw mundane objects such as her alarm clock at him.

Of course, even had he understood this it would have been quite unlikely he would have cared. His flippant disregard for her opinion on his involvement was proven when he started cursing at her without any apparent hesitation.

"Suck on my hemorrhoids and wait for better days!" It was a rough translation of what he'd actually said (as he had just spouted out the first thing to come to mind) and while Miia didn't fully comprehend what he'd said to her she got the gist of it based off of his angry tone. The addition of a gleeful thumbs-up only made it that much worse. In Sorano's mind, such a sentence should have established the groundwork for his dominance in this situation. He was both cowing her with the insult AND insinuating that a good end would come about. It was the perfect phrase to use. In his mind at least.

In Miia's mind, it warranted her throwing a lamp at his face. One that connected. The result being a not so charitable 'oof' emanating from Sorano's covered mouth. Followed by the aforementioned liminal stumbling backward in a daze (letting go of Kurusu's legs in the process). He took enough steps in reverse that he made it to the doorway. Then he fell. Like a marionette that had just had its strings cut. He just crumbled to the ground.

It had been a considerably hefty lamp thrown at him. And it had shattered upon impact.

Kurusu, had he been capable of breathing, would have likely rushed to the side of his fallen comrade to check on him. Unfortunately, that was impossible. Even if he were capable of removing his finger from . . . where it was currently stuck, he still had Miia's tail wrapped firmly over his face.

Sorano appeared to be dead. But that didn't stop Miia from throwing more at him. Anything close at hand was tossed haphazardly at the downed foe's body. She wasn't completely at fault in this. After all, she was at least partially a victim too. And her brain was currently firing off all pistons as it tried (and failed) to comprehend what was happening.

The only thing that could have made this worse was if someone else walked in to check on them. Or, even worse, two somebodies walked in. Somebodies that had heard the screaming and that 'oof' and thought it best to get involved. Cerea was the first on the scene. A pillow was shot at her face. Followed by a curling iron. She went down like a sack of bricks.

Next came Papi. Poor, poor Papi. She came in right when Sorano 'awakened'. His foot had twitched. Then his hand. Then his entire leg. That's when Papi arrived. Her first sight was . . . well, the situation that had been progressively getting worse. Miia, still throwing things, with her face beet red, sweat rolling down her temple, and eyes frantically looking for a means of escape. Oh, and Kurusu's finger still in her–

Speaking of Kurusu. The man was probably dead. No, he was certainly dead. The only thing keeping him upright was the tail crushing his cranium. His knees had long since bucked underneath the pressure and collapsed underneath him.

Anyway, Sorano had awakened. It was a gradual process and Papi entered right at the moment it began. A few muscle spasms here and there. A tad bit of convulsing here and there and . . . voila! He was up. The manner in which he got up was eerily similar to zombie flicks of old. Where a member of the living dead would rigidly pace around in a trance. Sorano had gotten up in this fashion. In one not-so-fluid motion, he'd risen up. Without a single joint in his body bending.

Then he turned towards Papi (as well as the KO'd Cerea in the hall) and, well, just opened his mouth. It was like he was trying to say something but found himself unable to. There was just the minor indication that his mouth was open (based off of the slight depression in his bandages around that area) and then it was gone. Suggesting he'd opened his mouth for all of ten seconds only to close it once more without a sound.

One of his sunglasses' lens had been shattered. Likely from the initial barrage. The other was falling out of the frame.

"Mr. Bandages?" Papi, bless her heart, was too innocent to fully grasp what was going on here. Absolutely none of this registered in her brain. Not the fact that Miia was trying to pelt everyone with a hail of various objects. Not the current state Sorano, Kurusu, and Cerea seemed to be in. And surely not the significance of where Kurusu's finger was at.

She just vaguely knew that something was indeed wrong here. This vague suspicion of hers was confirmed when 'Mr. Bandages' pointed at her and then the door. As if to suggest she back out while she still had a chance.

Somehow, the girl had enough mental capacity to understand that but not everything else that was going on. And with a cheerful smile and a bounce in her step she left. Practically stepping on Cerea on her way out.

Miia attempted to hit her with a vase on her way out.

She missed horribly.

Sorano's shoulder ended up getting hit instead.

And then . . . there was light.

Or rather there was just a loud screeching noise that sounded completely inhuman and significantly terrifying.

You see, Sorano wasn't in the bedroom with them. No. Sorano was frolicking in a field of daisies. A 'bee' had just stung him.

Yes, that initial lamp to the head might have shaken a few of his screws loose because he was experiencing a fever dream like no other.

The landscape in Sorano's mind was a vast field of flowers that stretched as far as the eye could see. Above him was a sky of the purest shade of blue. Baby blue. Because of course, that's the purest it has 'baby' in its name. Not a single cloud hovered over his head.

It was perfect.

Besides the bees.

And the fact that there was a gigantic weed situated in the center of this field.

A single stain of ugliness on this realm of beauty.

Sorano, like any good connoisseur of nature's magnificence, had just set his mind on 'removing' that weed. As well as swatting all these bees away. Little buggers were beginning to get annoying.

When Cerea woke up, she was granted to the sight of Sorano 'removing the weed'. That weed being Kurusu's finger.

She abruptly blacked out once more.

Thankfully Sorano hadn't taken the time to procure a tool to aid him in this quest. It would have been . . . problematic had he tried to cut the weed at its stem instead of trying to pull it up at the roots. The most obvious one being that the 'roots' would forever be embedded within the surrounding 'soil'.

Halfway through this tug-o-war, Miia herself blacked out. She'd tried to dislodge the liminal man from the equation by continuing her artillery of household items upon his brow. It had proved ineffective. He remained steadfast in his task despite being pelted by all matter of object. Eventually, the situation became so emotionally traumatic that Miia found herself unable to hold onto reality and she too drifted off.

Thankfully there were no other 'weeds' that needed immediate attention.

The event ended with a satisfying **pop**.

Then everyone died. Emotionally. Perhaps mentally as well.

Physically they were all fine. (Well, Kurusu had some skid marks on his face but that was to be expected.)

The Battle of the Fingerbang ended with several casualties. Though fortunately, the aftermath wasn't quite as bad as it had been after the prior night. Unfortunately, this situation just had to have happened so soon after the aforementioned night.

'Shame' was the word of the day. It was something the majority of the house's occupants felt. Kurusu was ashamed of his inability to de-escalate these situations. He was also ashamed of how he had somehow managed to get his finger stuck in . . . .

Anyway, Cerea was ashamed of herself for walking into such an 'intimate' moment between her homestay and the lamia (she was also ashamed of her behavior the prior night but that goes without saying). Though secretly she also was mentally pumping a fist in the air at the thought that she may have had some hand in stopping them from getting any farther along.

Miia was ashamed because . . . well, that's obvious. Her body had been used as a Chinese finger trap. She actually apologized to everyone. With a bow and all. It only made the situation even more awkward.

Sorano was, well, outwardly uncaring. To the casual viewer, it would appear no change had occurred in his mannerisms. He was unreadable as always (for obvious reasons). Inwardly, however, he was sweating bullets. Mainly because he couldn't remember what had happened. Seeing everyone so visibly distressed, without any explanation as to why they were as such, uneased him. Not because they were distressed. He expected this. The full moon had happened after all and they were distressed before this. No, because their levels of distress had increased significantly. And he had no clue as to why. He just remembered opening the door to Miia's bedroom and then . . . nothing. Something about a field of flowers and a game of tug-of-war.

Papi was the only one that wasn't ashamed. This was likely due to her not fully grasping the concept of 'shame' completely. Somehow, the 'game' Miia and Kurusu were playing had cheered her up. As to why this was the case . . . well, that's anyone's guess.

To make matters worse, everyone was also experiencing some manner of physical ailment. Kurusu was visibly exhausted from the events that had transpired. (Miraculously he hadn't died.) Papi and Cerea both had injuries. Papi's being the various bandages that covered her (from the dogpile that happened last night) and Cerea's being a bump on her forehead courtesy of Miia's pitching arm. Sorano had a splitting headache. And Miia . . . surprisingly was doing fine. Physically. She was scarred other ways.

It had been a glorious battle, but its veterans would forever experience some level of anxiety if it were to ever be brought up again. Thus, they came to a tactful solution. The Battle of the Fingerbang was lost to history. With those involved in it solemnly swearing to never mention it to another living soul. This was for the best. If Smith were to hear of such an event it would likely have caused some . . . complications.

Sorano, of course, initially protested this. He at least wanted to know what he was agreeing to before shaking on it. No one was willing to jog his memory so the peace treaty was signed without his involvement. He was the Germany to their Treaty of Versailles. It was also agreed upon that the events that transpired during the full moon should be dropped forevermore. Not censored from history, but at least not touched upon until everyone found themselves in the right mind to discuss it calmly.

Until then, two things were to be understood. The first being that during the next full moon Kurusu was to vacate the premises and relocate somewhere away from the liminals. The second being that the girls needed to work on controlling their hormones. This second thing was something only Sorano recognized (well Kurusu did as well but he wasn't brave enough to vocalize his support) but it was quickly dropped upon meeting the indignant outrage the girls (well really it was just Miia and Cerea) mustered to combat it.

For a time, peace reigned supreme in the Kurusu household. It lasted approximately ten minutes. Then someone's stomach growled.

"Papi's hungry!"

"Alright then, I'll start working on supper."

"No, Darling! Let me try!"

"Vetoed." Sorano had moved in quickly to intercept the snake girl's interference. Which, did nothing to help the fragile semblance of a truce they'd enacted.

Miia whirled upon him, forgetting herself for a moment, "Don't butt in!" She then turned back towards her precious 'Darling' "I'll get started right away! Think of it as an apology for what happened before." And with that, she was off to the races.

 _Nothing good can possibly come from this. Best case scenario and she intentionally poisons me. Worst case scenario and she unintentionally does._ With a soft sight, Sorano picked himself up from the couch. "Kid?" It was the vaguest of questions, but somehow Kurusu immediately picked up on his intentions. Sorano had forgotten the events that had transpired but an hour ago, and he understood that something quite awful must have happened for his brain to have intentionally wiped it from his memories. He was worried and was quietly pleading with his host to have the balls to shoot down Miia's request.

Unfortunately, all he got in return was a nervous chuckle and an "I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Cerea, Papi, come over here! I want you to try something!"

 _And so it begins._ Sorano could do nothing but sigh once more. Maybe he could order takeout without blowing up the phone this time?

* * *

 **AN: Huh. Nine months. It's already been nine months. Wow. Jeez. What do I say? To be perfectly honest, this chapter was finished at least a month ago (yes that's not much a difference in wait time) but I just didn't feel up to publishing it. "Why?" you may ask.** **Well ... I became somewhat disillusioned with the direction this story was going. Or rather, I stopped finding it as funny as I did early on. I think the turning point was the full moon. Initially, I had a wildly different idea for how that was going to go but I scrapped it because I didn't think it was wacky enough. I actually find that to be the worst chapter in this story by far, mainly because when I reread it the humor comes across as extremely forced. At least to me, that is. There were also other smaller things that frustrated me, the plothole where Sorano somehow acquires two pipes and never makes mention of it, the unnecessarily preachy first interaction between Smith and Sorano, the obvious problems with dialogue in the early chapters (for some reason I thought it'd be neat to try having multiple people's lines in the same paragraph). All of it just built, and built, until I finally had to take a step back. I no longer enjoyed writing this.**

 **Obviously, something's changed. If it hadn't, this chapter would have never seen the light of day. You'll probably notice this chapter is more of the same raunchy humor that I've slowly started to dislike (because it feels somewhat cheap). That's mainly because V-rcingetorix convinced me (rather easily, I'll admit) to just publish what I had for the sake of it. Thanks to him this chapter's finally here so be sure to check out his work (of course there's a shameless plug here)!**

 **Anywho, long story short I'm going to be continuing this story from where we left off. The humor will be different. Not wildly different, but I think I'm going to spend more time on thinking about how it affects the plot rather than just throwing in random stuff (like Sorano chasing after Kurusu during the full moon) for the sake of cheap laughs. I've also changed the rating of this story to M because I'm not 100% certain how the rating system works, and I'd rather be safe than sorry.**

 **Before I respond to the review, I have a question for all of you: How do you think this should end?**

 **I ask this because I genuinely have no idea, and I think that's another thing that dissuaded me from working on it. There's no concrete ending to the manga yet (and there probably won't be for years) and the anime ended somewhat abruptly with the introduction of Lala. No, personally I think it'd be a shame to introduce a new character only to go "that's all folks!" so I don't plan on ending it the same way. But the question remains, "When should I end it?" I'll leave it up to you guys to decide.**

 **Onto the reviews!**

 **HellRaptor: I definitely appreciate the enthusiasm lol. Sorry for the wait. I hope this update was worth it.**

 **Tom712: And I thank you for doing so!**

 **Parker: I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it. I still feel like I try too hard sometimes to make things funnier than they really are, but it's encouraging to see some see it differently. And I appreciate the good luck. I'm definitely going to need it going forward because we're going to see Suu next chapter and that's going to be wild.**

 **john: Eh, I don't want to get into poltical/moral arguments here but personally I can't equate homosexuality (or thievery) with rape, pedophilia, or murder. It kind of waters down how bad the latter three are when compared to the former, y'know? But yeah, I'm not a fan of yaoi by any means and that'd probably show if I tried to write it. Which is why I don't, and won't.**

 **V-rcingetorix: Thanks for that heads up on POV shifting. To be perfectly honest, I didn't even notice that it was happening while I was writing. I'm not too well versed in writing third-person stories (I tend to write first-person) and I think that might be what's responsible for this. I'll definitely be keeping watch for it going forward. Oh, and that blurb about gay marriage being legal was sort of a little clue that the Monster Musume world is slightly in the future for us. I believe gay marriage is still illegal in Japan at the moment (besides civil unions) but since I don't think the author ever specifies the exact year the story takes place (in the manga at least) I wanted to take some creative liberty with the timeline. For no other reason than to say, "Hey guys, maybe in the next five years we'll get catgirls" XD. Anyway, I'm happy you saw it as "smooth" personally when writing it I felt like I was bullshitting lol. But that's kind of what Sorano does anyway so I can see how it'd fit. As for how Kurusu will inevitably react ... you'll just have to wait and see! And on the topic of Sorano doing spy work ... I mean the guy has been alive a long time. Maybe he was the person in the grassy knoll that really shot Kennedy (cue the X-Files theme). Or, on a more serious note, perhaps Sorano had prior experience in such a field. It's not like M.O.N.'s (probably) the first joint human-liminal task force. Maybe officially, but I wouldn't doubt it if certain governments saw fit to employ extraspecies individuals to handle difficult tasks.**

 **Anyway, I just want to wrap this up by apologizing for the wait and thanking everyone that stuck with this story till now. I know it hasn't exactly been easy considering how erratic my upload schedule has been, but just know that I appreciate you all. I still think this story's kind of meh but I'll always love it when someone says it made them laugh. That was really the whole point of this to begin with.**


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